Thought Catalog

How To Never Get Over Your Ex

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Be the type of person who holds on to things. Whether it’s a 2005 issue of Us Weekly, a torn birthday card, or an ex from a long time ago, you give CPR to things that have long since decayed. It makes you feel safe and allows you to live in the past.

Get your heart broken by someone you adored, someone you were obsessed with. They fell out of love with you though, as people are apt to do, and you were just left there lying in bed trying to hold on to someone who had already walked out the door.

Grieve. Have your friends be there for you as you recount your entire relationship. Take solace in knowing that you are allowed to do these things, you’re supposed to be devastated and a tad obsessive. You’re supposed to bring up their name constantly and see their face in the clouds. I mean, your friends will be really annoyed with you but they will understand. This behavior is straight out of Break Up 101. You’re fine!

Watch time pass and nothing changes. Start to get nervous and feel like you’re running behind on your grieving process. You shouldn’t still be seeing their face in the clouds or feeling nauseous when drive past their house. Start to panic.

Keep your feelings to yourself. No longer go to your friends for their love and support because they’ve already put their time in. Silently obsess over your ex and shame so hard about it. Watch them move on and get into another relationship while you’re still looking at old photo albums and crying.

This isn’t fair. No one told you it would take this long. You thought you could eat some ice cream, watch some rom-coms, cry and be over it. Nope. No such luck. Watch your friends go through their own break ups and compare yourself to them. Figure that they’re still upset and it’s been awhile so you must be fine. People do this all the time. It takes time to really get over someone, right?

Get a sick pleasure of still not being over your ex. Find comfort in keeping the memory alive but then also feel completely pathetic. As long as you still mourn the relationship, it’s still alive in some way, right?

Sincerely wonder if you’ll ever get over it. Feel like you’ve been lied to by the media and your friends. People are supposed to just fall in and out of love and move on like it ain’t no thing. You don’t believe that this is true anymore.

Get into a new relationship and fall in love again. Think for sure that this will kill your ex. They can’t go up against a new relationship. Impossible! And in a way, you discover that you’re right. Those feelings of missing them does disappear and you allow yourself to be loved by someone else again. But that doesn’t mean that the ex dies. In fact, sometimes you do miss them, even when you’re happily lying in bed with the next person. Realize that you’re not the type of person to let old lovers die. You’ll fall out of love with them and move on but you will always look back with fondness and miss that time. By some people’s definitions, you may never be over your ex then. You may always hold a little torch for them. Figure that’s okay though. You’re not other people. Stop comparing yourself to them and find the true release in just being yourself and owning your feelings. “I miss my ex today and that’s okay!” The second you admit that is when you can actually move on.

image – Wikipedia
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  • Michael Koh

    ryan, sounds like you need a hug bro

  • Thank goodness

    perfect, perfect timing – thank you, ryan!!

  • Thank goodness

    perfect, perfect timing – thank you, ryan!!

  • Marthabuca

    You always nail it! There is a typo though :P  It feels good to read you again!

  • Beresford Brooke

    This is kinda uncomfortably close to the bone.

  • teresaelectro

    I agree with a fair amount of this blog, but take offense to the jab you’re taking at magazine archival enthusiasts such as myself! I swear that Sassy Magazine from 1994 is totally worth holding onto.

    Now holding onto grief over someone who dumped you is never good. But I still like to hold a grudge on cheaters and boyfriends who stole from me. That shit will never be forgiven or forgotten, although I understand they were losers/insane/drug-addled or the like.

  • Chris Hood

    great read, i would like to send it to my ex but he’d probably get pissed

  • Andres

    Why are you so timely!!!!???? Love it Ryan :)

  • Blah

    what friends?

  • Alex Thayer

    yeah, the whole letting go is fucking awesome.  probably one of the coolest feelings imaginable, imo.

    • Sad Guest

      false. the coolest feeling is never falling in love in the first place.

  • Oceankrystal713

    The last two sentences meant the most. Good write ^_^

  • Sar

    This was beautiful and poignant and ever so timely. Well written and touching as usual. 

  • srsly

    please retire the “how to” essay format. it’s maudlin and derivative in your hands and is not nearly as creative a style as you seem to think. “x number of reasons for” is another one that you’ve exhausted.

  • Steven Timberman

    The ending reminds me why I don’t like most of the “misery” articles. Its all doom and gloom for 95% of the text and then WHAM HAPPY DAYS. Sorry, ain’t buying it. A silver lining is cool, but two sentences does not solve the issue.

    Liked it until then though. I remember grabbing beers with a friend a few months back, and she asked me if I was over my last serious relationship a year ago. I laughed and told her that I still wasn’t over the girl who dumped me five years ago. 

    I just don’t GET how to erase someone from your memory like that. Maybe that’s my problem, right there.

    • Sad Guest

      maybe humans really are monogamous creatures. why would we miss someone from years ago if we weren’t?

    • teresaelectro

      Yeah, I complete suck at erasing people (and most things in general) from my silly brain.

    • umcheckplease

      you just have to find one reason why it would never work and then harp on it constantly

  • Sillydoll

    I have had 2 decent boyfriends in my life but I still can’t seem to get over the douchebag that hurt me the most.  When ever I think I will never hear from him again, he pop’s up somewhere either through a text message or his current gf writing to me on facebook (crazy I know). 

    It’s comforting to know I’m not the only person stuck in this situation.  

  • Anonymous

  • Vicky Nguyen

    This left me thoroughly and completely breathlessly.

    Signed, because I’m guilty as charged.

  • Anonymous

    “I miss my ex today and that’s okay!” The second you admit that is when you can actually move on.
    I cannot agree more. 

  • Anonymous

    This is so true: “Keep your feelings to yourself.” When I broke up with my ex, I depended on my friends to pick myself back up, I am very happy that I didn’t just keep things to myself. After a few weeks, I was over him, and my happy self was back.

  • Anonymous

    I like the parting statement. :D

  • ginjoint

    I miss my ex today and it’s ok. It’s going to be 1 year since we first met/got to be bfs. What I’m really scared of is I turn out to be one of those people that miss their ex even if it’s been eons ago, or even when they were treated badly…

  • Devastated.

    I pushed someone I loved away from me. Someone beautiful who loved me back, loved me without hesitation. I acted terribly and I still don’t know why. It’s months and months later and I still haven’t gotten over it. I’ve run my friends ragged with this and I’m about out of options. I don’t WANT to kill myself but the pain of knowing it’s all my fault simply won’t leave. I see no other way out. I guess it’s what I deserve.

    • Guest

      Nah therapy will do wonders!

  • aletheaxx

    Reblogged this on always and forever baby♥ and commented:

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