1. Mention any fights or disagreements
Sometimes when you’re in a fight with a friend and they’re rebuffing your attempts to smooth things over, you may be tempted to post a comment to their Facebook wall that goes something like, “haven’t seen u in awhile. will u return my calls please?” Putting someone on blast on Facebook is illegal and you will be going to internet jail. You can’t bring real life matters here. We’re too old and it’s too real. Calling someone out for their flakiness and avoidance is also clearly passive-agressive behavior and will only prolong the silence.
2. Spam them with promotional stuff/Facebook apps
Do these posts look familiar? “LISTEN TO MY NEW SINGLE, “UR WORLD IS MY WORLD” OUT TOMORROW! LISTEN HERE!” and then they attach a link that causes your page to seizure. Or, like a cult, they post links to their Farmville, urging you to join them. You’re just like, “No k bye” and delete the comment immediately because it messes with your wall’s feng shui. People need to stop dirtying up a pristine Facebook wall. That stuff takes time and energy to maintain.
3. Make thinly-veiled references to doing drugs
Have you not learned anything I’ve taught you?! You can only mention anti-anxiety meds, Ambien and weed on the internet. Any harder drugs like coke, E, mushrooms, painkillers or god forbid, meth and heroin are not allowed for open discussion. “I haven’t slept in 24 hours. Wonder why, BFF!” No, that kind of talk is forbidden. People will then infer that you did cocaine and know that you’re someone who does bad sinful things!
4. Anything boring
“Hey. I forgot my keys. r u home?”
“Josh has your cell phone. You should go over and get it.” ”
What’s the reading for Abnormal Psych?”
“where r u? im here already!”
5. Anything depressing
Emo Facebook wall posts are the worst. “Sorry I haven’t been returning your calls. I’ve been really depressed and haven’t been talking to anyone. I promise to call you soon though.” Um, what? Thanks to technology, there are a myriad of ways we can communicate with one another. Revealing personal details about your life can be done over text, private message, or even a phone call. Why feel the need to broadcast your sadness to your friend’s friends? “Just so you know, strangers. I’m really sad right now.” Great and I’m itching my balls. Nice to meet you.
For more things you shouldn’t be posting on someone’s Facebook wall, refer to this post.