Five Things You Shouldn’t Post On Someone’s Facebook Wall

Hi. My name is Ryan O’Connell and I’m the Facebook police. You’re all going to jail.

1. Mention any fights or disagreements

Sometimes when you’re in a fight with a friend and they’re rebuffing your attempts to smooth things over, you may be tempted to post a comment to their Facebook wall that goes something like, “haven’t seen u in awhile. will u return my calls please?” Putting someone on blast on Facebook is illegal and you will be going to internet jail. You can’t bring real life matters here. We’re too old and it’s too real. Calling someone out for their flakiness and avoidance is also clearly passive-agressive behavior and will only prolong the silence.

2. Spam them with promotional stuff/Facebook apps

Do these posts look familiar? “LISTEN TO MY NEW SINGLE, “UR WORLD IS MY WORLD” OUT TOMORROW! LISTEN HERE!” and then they attach a link that causes your page to seizure. Or, like a cult, they post links to their Farmville, urging you to join them. You’re just like, “No k bye” and delete the comment immediately because it messes with your wall’s feng shui. People need to stop dirtying up a pristine Facebook wall. That stuff takes time and energy to maintain.

3. Make thinly-veiled references to doing drugs

Have you not learned anything I’ve taught you?! You can only mention anti-anxiety meds, Ambien and weed on the internet. Any harder drugs like coke, E, mushrooms, painkillers or god forbid, meth and heroin are not allowed for open discussion. “I haven’t slept in 24 hours. Wonder why, BFF!” No, that kind of talk is forbidden. People will then infer that you did cocaine and know that you’re someone who does bad sinful things!

4. Anything boring

“Hey. I forgot my keys. r u home?”
“Josh has your cell phone. You should go over and get it.” ”
What’s the reading for Abnormal Psych?”
“where r u? im here already!”

5. Anything depressing

Emo Facebook wall posts are the worst. “Sorry I haven’t been returning your calls. I’ve been really depressed and haven’t been talking to anyone. I promise to call you soon though.” Um, what? Thanks to technology, there are a myriad of ways we can communicate with one another. Revealing personal details about your life can be done over text, private message, or even a phone call. Why feel the need to broadcast your sadness to your friend’s friends? “Just so you know, strangers. I’m really sad right now.” Great and I’m itching my balls. Nice to meet you.

For more things you shouldn’t be posting on someone’s Facebook wall, refer to this post. TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Zan

    #6. This can go along with #5 too. Anything overly romantic can be sent via text or private messages. Putting shit like, “I LOVE WAKING UP WITH YOU IN THE MORNINGS” does not need to be public. Basically everything I feel about that I put here:

    This post is so so real though 

  • Diana

    i always look forward to your entries Ryan! You’re hilarious!

  • Kim

    My grandmother (yes, my grandmother is on facebook and yes, we’re friends) is a huge #1. culprit. “You look really cute in that picture. It would be really nice if you sent me a postcard once in awhile” or a simple “Haven’t heard from you in awhile.” for a little wall passive aggression. I can’t really blame her though since half the time she posts on her own wall instead of the person she means to write to – familiarity with internet laws would would be asking waaaay too much. BUT IT STILL DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!

  • Leslienico

    “Great and I’m itching my balls. Nice to meet you.”

    You just made me spit out my drink. Thanks for a smile on a day when it’s truly needed. :)

  • Nigel D.

    What the fuck is Facebook?

  • Nigel D.

    What the fuck is Facebook?

  • SisterRay73

    #1 is so damn true. One time a “friend” was pissed I wasn’t returning her calls so she made a status about it and tagged me in it. That was super cool. We are ex friends now.

    Also, I love making thinly-veiled references to drugs, because it freaks people out.

  • Loljame

    i always call people out for avoiding my calls/messages. avoiding them is passive-aggressive! calling people out for doing that is normal assertiveness. respond to me people, or just tell me you’re too busy to help me. don’t leave me withering in silence.

    • wamp wamp

      I don’t know if I would necessarily call people out for avoiding my calls, but I do agree with you. That’s not passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive would be saying, “I really appreciate all of my friends who make the time to call me.” I hate when people get passive-aggressiveness and someone being assertive (when they don’t like what they hear) mixed up. #Vent.

  • Josh Liburdi

    +1 for using the phrase “on blast.”

  • Alex

    Ryan O’Connell, please be drunk and facebook chat random hotties with me. xx

  • guest

    I agree with all of this except for #4. what are we not real people with average everyday probs ryan? come on. some people loose their cells and need fb for that stuff. 

  • Thf

    who cares?

  • Joant Ubeda

    “Revealing personal details about your life can be done over text, private message, or even a phone call.”
    Or, you know, face-to-face . . .

  • Guestette

    everything stated here, normal beings don’t need to hear. Kudos to the “thinly-veiled drug reference” description though

  • Michael Lynch


  • Huttonls

    This goes for my 15yr old brother & his girlfriend’s status updates too. I quote, “I guess I can’t even say I love you anymore. You really did fuck up, didn’t you.” WTF??!

  • Guestette

    “5 reasons this” “5 reasons that” can’t we at least get 3,6,7,9,13,18 reasons to switch it up on here? overplayed man

  • Rachel Butters Scotch

    Ugh, my bffl is so guilty of #5.  How do I get this to stop?

    • Guestweeee

      put a ring on it

  • Tanya Salyers

    I wish you would write real tickets to the people on my feed. Pretty much everyone i know is guilty of all of this!  

  • stranger

    this made me laugh at loud. thanks for cheering me up!

  • munchimaid

    There’s more than that. You forgot to mention family that bug the heck out of you to visit them or to visit YOU or to say hi to your mom for you for the 10th time this week.  

    • Britbrit91

      Gosh, that’s horribly annoying. 

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