Five Things Only A Hot Skinny Model Can Wear

1. A backwards hat

It’s hard to wear a backwards hat and not feel ridiculous. Your forehead feels extra large, your hair is a mess. It’s basically your face taking center stage with no photoshop. What’s worse is that you can’t fall back on your hair to obscure an undesirable mole or to make you look more attractive. And that’s a shame because let’s face it: a good haircut can go a long way. It can make an okay looking person turn into a really cute babe. That makes wearing a backwards hat a risky move for most. However, if your face happens to be stunningly gorgeous, you can do whatever the hell you want. “Oh, I look kind of stupid in this hat? Thank god I’m sexy so it doesn’t matter!” Ugh, can you tell I just really wanna wear a backwards hat and be a total skater boy? bLUrRiNg the lines of butch and femme!

2. Harem pants

I’ll be honest, I’m sort of sick of hearing about “man-repelling” clothing. Because 90% of the girls actually wearing these weird hipster ensembles are bombshell babes so it doesn’t matter. They aren’t repelling any men. They could show up to a party in denim overalls and “I have chlamydia” stapled to their forehead and still go home with a babe. Harem pants have become the symbol for this kind of cute fashion that women love but is entirely lost on men and I guess I get that. Harem pants are weird looking but if they’re worn by someone hot, it’s not so weird. Fashion mysteries revealed!

3. Bathing suits

Every time summer rolls around and I get into my trunks, I’m always taken aback by how naked I am. “Wait, so people do this? They get this naked to go to the beach? I mean, I love it, but I’m just so… naked.” Women have it worse. They’re forced to just put it all out there if they want to go for a dip. Legs, stomachs, boobs and butts: The gang’s all here! Oh, I think my body issues are too. So glad they could make it!!

4. Skinny jeans

It’s implicit in the name. One must be skinny to wear skinny jeans. They pinch your lower leg while blowing up your thighs, making even a thin person look a little curvaceous. Damn skinny jeans for tricking an entire generation of twenty-somethings into thinking they could wear that kind of denim cut. It was a dirty lie. Like everything else in fashion, it was only meant to be worn by Lauren Conrad on an episode of The Hills but it ended up becoming a phenomenon. When in doubt, you can always blame Lauren Conrad though. For everything. Trust me, she doesn’t care.

5. Crop tops

“We’re going to do this really fun thing and bring back crop tops! Oh my god, you’ll love it. It’s very twee and will make you feel like a five-year-old girl asking for lunch money from your mom. Here’s the thing though. Your entire stomach will be exposed. As in, you’ll be sitting down with your stomach out. Or jumping up and down in da club with it hanging out. Is there, like, a problem? Kelly Kapowski did it.” I know fashion is going in this direction of Saved By The Bell but, like Jessie Spano felt about her addiction to caffeine pills, I’m so excited and so…scared about all of it. TC mark

image – Saved By The Bell

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504951716 Tau Zaman

    Also, wifebeaters. Only athletic straight boys or skinny twinks need apply. They’re just ill-fitting on normal people. x_X

    • Megan

      They may be the only ones able to wear them but EVERYONE looks like an asshole in one

  • your cousin

    Anything from American Apparel.

    • Sarah

      But only if you’re a hot, skinny girl with small tits.
      I’m 5’9 and 120lbs with C’s. Nothing. Fits.

      • Anonymous

        If you’re a hot, skinny girl with largeish tits, the world doesn’t owe you much else, miss.

      • Calla

        I’d almost feel bad if only every other brand other than a poorly -constructed  and poorly-managed company didn’t fit you amazingly.

      • your cousin

        I bet you wear rompers.

      • Anonymous

        That means your body mass index is 17. Either you’re lying, you’re a teenager, or you need to get yourself a sandwich. Stat!

      • Max

        5’9” and 120 is not unimaginable, it’s called a fast metabolism/ EXERCISE. 

      • Anonymous

        LOL.
        I’m 4’11 and 120 pounds with C’s.
        And still, nothing fits.

  • http://bangbangcanary.com/ Cat

    High-waisted pants and shorts!  Great if you’re 6’3″ and thin as a rail due to a malnourished childhood in Eastern Europe, but the rest of us just look like assholes in their mom’s jorts.

    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      I think high-waisted is best left to fat-bottomed girls. Freddie agree with me, I’m sure of it.

  • http://twitter.com/suntwee MarieSa

    Please, please, please expand that harem pant paragraph into an article on “man-repelling” clothing and the ladies that rock it
    it’s more than a little necessary

  • Anonymous

    Also, suspenders, which Kelly Kapowski is wearing in the photo (Kelly, is that you?)

  • Comic Insult

    #6: Hunter boots.  Really, the only person who ever looked hot wearing these is Kate Moss, in that one picture, that started the whole Hunter boot phenomenon, it’s just the truth.

  • Guest

    More self-loathing from fat people.

    Wear whatever the f*** you want, whatever your size.  

    • Turningtables

      I agree. I found this so triggering. 

      • Lala

        you knew exactly what the article would be about by the title. no one forced you to read it.

  • Guest

    What’s the fallacy here?  Douchebag faux-snark  like this article and backwards bro-seph ballcaps go hand in hand.  It is self-loathing.

  • Arkhatron

    LATEX super mini skirts! 5’9, 115, B size + latex shameless short mini = Mmmm, YUMMY!   …well ok, queer MAN can wear it too if they want… but only SKINNY ones!!! LOL

  • Arkhatron

    In general the whole VIBE of this article and comments remind me of Kim Basinger in 9½ weeks. Erotique, skinny, gorgeous, classy… did i say SKINNY???

  • harem pants r cool yo

    I bought my harem pants in Amsterdam. They were really popular while I was living in Europe. I love them and wish I bought more. They’re so comfy and fun! They create more curves…so do skinny jeans…which I also love. I’m thin. But, to be fair there are lots of clothing and dresses that only bustier women can get away with wearing that I wish I could wear.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    “Legs, stomachs, boobs and butts: The gang’s all here! Oh, I think my body issues are too. So glad they could make it!!”
    Great line, and I agree with you on all counts.

  • coffeeandinternets

    And a great thing about living in New York is that I actually get to see hot skinny models wearing these things and looking fabulous all the time. AND THEY’RE NEVER SWEATING WHY AREN’T THEY SWEATING.

    I got the August blues.

  • Alicia

    Wow, fuck this. Wear what makes you happy, not what some stupid article deems acceptable for your body type. I’m disgusted. 

    • Lala

      highly doubt ryan was actually trying to tell anyone what to do. go outside.

    • Ugh

      no it’s okay… he’s a feminist!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Shey-Shey/1227930107 Ashley Shey Shey

    this is kind of silly. personally i don’t think “hot skinny models” have the most attractive/inoffensive body types. we all know the kim kardashians and beyonces of the world easily get away with wearing any of these things.

  • Acer

    Ha ha, oh Ryan. You really are the gayest boy in town, aren’t you.

  • http://twitter.com/jkymarsh J. Ky Marsh

    I have no idea what “harem pants” are.

    • guest

      that’s what google is for.

  • guest

    wtf why all the ryan hate

  • Guest

    ahaha I found this hilarious!

  • Guest

    I want to be your best friend Ryan, and have you tell me everything bad/good/etc about me to my face. Should be hilarious and helpful!

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/natalie-marshall/2014/03/11-reasons-crop-tops-have-to-go/ 11 Reasons Crop Tops Have To Go | Thought Catalog

    […] only “hot skinny models” can really pull them off, maybe they shouldn’t be a trend for the remaining 99.99% of the […]

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