Things That Are Cool For No Apparent Reason

Being faux goth is cool. If you even wear the slightest bit of black, you can be like, “Oh my god, I’m so goth today for wearing a black shirt. The Craft inspired my look today obviously.” and people will understand what you mean and think you’re super hip. 2011 is all about pretending you’re a gothic freak when you really might just be the most normal person on the planet. Oh, and real goths are still uncool.

Talking about your dog or cat as if they’re a person is cool and sort of endearing. You can make them their own Facebook page and even get married to them. Having a pet in your twenties means you’re well-adjusted and have figured things out. You’re healthy now. You buy pet food and go on hikes with it. You’re a real grown up and you have the photos to prove it.

Using poor grammar and abbreviations is cool because you’re actually smart. It’s ironic. Yeah, you wrote all these academic papers in college but online, you just wanna type to your friends, “where r u? cum over? omg miss u so much!” It’s funny!

Listening to music from your childhood in earnest is really cool. Little did you know that No Strings Attached by *NSYNC was a really good pop record. Same goes for Blink-182 and Third Eye Blind.

Being hyperbolic is really cool. Saying a sentence with “all i wanna do is…” or “all i care about is…” DRAMATIC. COOL.

Being uncool is really cool. Everyone wants to be Jane or Daria, not Quinn Morgendorffer. Rayanne Graff is your icon and Sharon Cherski is just really embarrassing.

Knowing things is cool. Everyone wants to know everything these days. Being stupid/not in on the joke is a fate worse than death! You’re constantly commenting on the ridiculousness that’s going on around you. You would hate to be the one that’s ridiculous. You get it!

Being gay is cool. Heterosexuality is like this weird burden now that people just want to get rid of. I really feel for their pain.

Behaving like a bratty teenager when you’re actually 25 is the coolest. Seriously. Just try it. Everyone will love you! Peter Pan Syndrome is the thing to have these days. Just remember to openly gush about how much you love your parents this time around.

Being single and wanting to be in a relationship is cool. Actually getting into a relationship is not cool though. People will just think you’ve become boring and will remove you from their feeds.

Moving to Portland and being unemployed is cool. Rejecting New York or L.A. for a smaller city is great because it’s unpredictable and less obvious.

I don’t know why dressing like a goth and owning pets and being a bratty diva is cool. But it is. So we must respect it and follow the rules accordingly. Okay? TC mark

image – The Craft

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://twitter.com/KatyStillLives Katy Maravala

    i like this

  • http://twitter.com/KatyStillLives Katy Maravala

    i like this

  • http://www.facebook.com/caitlinvh Caitlin Van Horn

    Love this! Spot on. My cat loves it, too(2?) .

  • Ben

    “Moving to Portland and being unemployed is cool. Rejecting New York or L.A. for a smaller city is great because it’s unpredictable and less obvious.”

    Died at that.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    Living in NY will always be cool. This is a cool piece.

    using ‘bro’ is cool, I think. Not sure if the ‘bro’ is ironic or sincere. It depends. Thus I’m uncool because I don’t know.

    • http://www.remylexington.blogspot.com Remy Lexington

      you have to use the word “brah” then you are being ironic. I know this because I am cool…or ironic, I sometimes forget.

      • internetstranger

        “Brah” is not cool. “Brah” is satire in the year 2004. It’s outdated, like making fun of hippies or emo kids. “Brah” is blatantly, straightforwardly ironic, and so is “sincerely” ironic, and so is horribly uncool–especially given that “brah” is usually accompanied by a dumb “bro voice” and a little winking jokey-head-wobble or jokey-sneer.

        “Bro” is cool, said with a straight face and a regular, grown-up voice. I guess???

      • http://www.remylexington.blogspot.com Remy Lexington

        I don’t know whether I should point out to you that we both said “brah” is ironic, and since we all know irony IS cool that means “brah” is cool too…. or tell you how my post was not supposed to be taken seriously (i thought that was obvious) and that I rather not get into a discussion on the differences between bro and brah. brah.

        I guess I did both. Oops!

      • Guest

        nope

  • This and That

    poor grammar is never cool 

    • To

      y u gotsa hate?

    • Guest

      u r taking it way 2 seriously DOOD

  • gia

    i mostly like this because of the fairuza balk picture..

  • http://twitter.com/cooltay105 Tay D.

    Definitely planning on explaining how cool homosexuality is (or hey, bisexuality too!) the next time I’m surrounded by a bunch of hot bros at a party. Bros that make out with bros are still bros, bro.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000125793463 Caro Albahaca

    All of this sounds so hipster. Don’t like it. Probably the worst thing I’ve read in TC.

    • Megan

      but i think ryan’s kind of being sarcastic. because people who do all these things DO fit the modern definition of “cool,” but no one really knows why.

    • Grant Sorenson
      • Guest

        no that shit’s true. stupid maybe, but true nonetheless 

    • Guest

      YOU ARE PRENTENTIOUS AND STUPID

    • http://twitter.com/no_cazador hunter ray

      ‘hipster’ is no longer viable as a critical evaluation of something. it is empty and meaningless/grasping for straws.

  • To

    This is true. A college degree will never stop me from texting: where u at nigga?

    • Guest

       totes agree.. there really is no point to being grammatically correct in texts msgs anyway, srsly who gives a shit?  also..people that are all anal about grammar usually are compensating for the fact that they’re not very intelligent in other areas of their life. SRSLY.

  • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.ballek Matthew Ballek

    OMG. SEW TRUE.

    Ryan, ewe sew smart.

    • Personal best

      is this supposed to arouse ryan? you trying to hit on him? FUCK THAT, HE IS MINE!!

  • Ford Tennis

    OBVS. 

  • Anonymous

    I CAN’T TELL HOW SINCERE THIS IS

    • Ford Tennis

      You don’t have to, Chelsea. It’s actually cool not to.

  • guest

    i used to like thought catalog a little bit, when stephanie wrote georgofafjfoafjoa wrote funny articles, now 4 out of 5 articles are just this twat spewing nonsense, if i knew how i would start my own website where people wrote about things people gave two shits about

    • http://twitter.com/TwistedCoookie Najmo Mraz.

      Well thanks to this little internet thing called a blog, you can! Go ahead and try why don’t cha?! :)

      • Personal best

        you all be trippin!! shit!

    • http://twitter.com/TeenageWebmail Josh Mosh

      send a writing sample to teenagewebmail@gmail.com and I’ll post it to my online magazine postrealproblems.tumblr.com

  • guest

    i used to like thought catalog a little bit, when stephanie wrote georgofafjfoafjoa wrote funny articles, now 4 out of 5 articles are just this twat spewing nonsense, if i knew how i would start my own website where people wrote about things people gave two shits about

  • http://www.remylexington.blogspot.com Remy Lexington

    Saying “This is the worst thing on Thought Catalog” is cool.

  • ohh yeah

    this is excellent. love the blurred line between saracasm and reality.

  • http://twitter.com/CowboySandtoes Cowboy Santos

    do you know whats cool? 
    exactly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

    Things you forgot:  eating a diet completely composed of 7-11 food and trash talking Urban Outfitters while secretly stalking their online sale rack.  

  • http://twitter.com/blingless Dave P

    I met Fairuza Balk at a Dead Meadow show a while back. She’s as fucking cool as one would hope. 

    She’s still hot, too.

  • what

    I AM DARIA
    FYI

  • what

    I AM DARIA
    FYI

    • Personal best

      DARIA’S A SLUT FROM DOWN BELOW!

  • http://saltwatercoffee.wordpress.com/ Sara K

    …I am unemployed, recently graduated from college in Portland, came home to SF, might have job ops here but my heart is yearning to be back in Portland despite no job leads there. Now that I know it’s cool, I might as well just pack up my Volvo and head back North…and play all my old NSYNC cd’s on the way up of course

  • wtf

    Things that are cool for no good reason:
    Drawing dead birds.

    wtf

  • mpk

    guys help me out what is the picture for this article of?? it’s completely escaping me.

    • Guest

      it’s your mom at the prom!!

    • Asdfg

      The Craft

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