The next time you have sex with someone, it’s going to be the best sex of your life. Promise. You’re going to be with someone who you just crave. There’s a real difference between finding someone attractive and wanting to fuck the shit out of them. It’s easy to forget because we spend so much time sleeping with “cute” people, the adorable ones. No, there will be no more of that. Next time you have sex, it’s going to be with someone who’s sexy and you will want to jump their bones.
The next time you have sex with someone, it’s going to make you oh so very happy. You’ll shout it from the mountaintops, “Guess who finally got some?” It’s going to be insane how good you’ll feel afterwards. In fact, it might even freak you out a little. Should sex make you this happy? Is it the point of life? Well, I guess it is quite literally. As you get older and start having more and more sex, you begin to understand how essential it is to your happiness. Good sex keeps everything balanced. It chills you the fuck out and is as necessary as water or a Real Housewives reunion.
The next time you have sex with someone, you’re going to have the best sex playlist. You always mean to have one playing but you get…distracted. This time, you’re playing the damn thing. Massive Attack, Portishead, maybe some Iggy Pop in the very beginning. It will sound so good when you’re rolling around in bed with someone. You can even have a little sex dance!
The next time you have sex with someone, you’re going to do that thing you always have wanted to do. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t even pretend to be coy right now. You usually get so shy and refrain from telling your partner about your sex fantasies. But not this time. You’re going to feel comfortable with this person, comfortable enough to explore new sexual territory. There will be no judgements coming from either party. It’s shocking how rare this is to find.
The next time you have sex with someone won’t be the last time. In fact, there will be a lot more. I’m telling you this to make you feel okay and to help you understand that you’re desirable and going to see a lot of naked bodies in your lifetime. In a perfect world, the next time you have sex with someone will be the absolute best time. This person will be the greatest sex of your life and your body will practically shatter in ecstasy. Your toes will curl, okay? You won’t be thinking about an errand you have to run or the fact that you need to do laundry. Your mind won’t wander. It will stay focused on penis penis in my vagina vagina or vice versa.