The Conversation You Would Like To Have With The Person Who Broke Your Heart

You: Hi. I feel like I’m going to throw up. Are you going to throw up?

Your Ex: No, I’m not.

You: After all these years, you still have the power to make me nervous and nauseous. I hate you for that. Why can’t I do the same to you? I want you to be sick!

Your Ex: I’m sorry. I feel fine. Maybe a little congested.

You: Allergies? You always got those in the summer.

Your Ex: Must be it.

SILENCE

You: So…

Your Ex: Why did you want to interview me? This feels weird.

You: I feel like I have a lot to ask you but I didn’t know if I had the right. Doing it in an interview makes me feel protected or something, like I could ask you anything because it’s for the interview and not really about us..

Your Ex: Do you still think about me a lot?

You: No. I don’t.

Your Ex: That’s not true. Look where we are now.

You: I mean, I do. But not really. Weird things will trigger it. Like when I pass that McDonalds on Orange Grove. Remember when we spent six hours there one day just hanging out?

Your Ex: I think so.

You: Fuck you. I’m already getting angry.

Your Ex: Why?

You: Because now I feel stupid for even mentioning it. It’s clear that you’ve forgotten it. So why the hell do I still remember it? Why do I turn into a deer in headlights when I pass a fast food restaurant when you can barely recall the memory? I want to be you in this situation. I want to not remember McDonalds.

Your Ex: You sound crazy right now.

You: Yeah, well it’s because I am. You make me crazy. You make me psychotic.

Your Ex: Okay.

You: Tell me what you do remember then. I’m curious.

Your Ex: I don’t know.

You: Seriously?

Your Ex: Okay. I remember you making me laugh a lot. You’re very funny but you know that. And you liked to listen to this one song by The Field Mice a lot whenever we would make out. It was hilarious. You’d act like it accidentally came on when you had clearly cued it. Um, I remember your family was crazy. I remember us taking the train a lot one summer. And…

You: That was fine. You can stop. Thank you.

Your Ex: What? Was that not what you wanted? Jesus, I can’t win.

You: I’m okay! I just didn’t need you to continue.

Your Ex: Okay, what else would you like to know? Let’s get this over with.

You: I guess I would just like to know that you don’t hate me. And that you look back with fondness on everything. I didn’t know if you even liked me for a period of time afterwards.

Your Ex: I probably didn’t. But everything’s okay now.

You: Good. I just can’t stand the thought of people I once cared about not liking me. It feels like such a waste of love.

Your Ex: You’re so dramatic! You can’t control everything, you know.

You: I know.

Your Ex: Things happen. Life is not like a movie. It ebbs and flows. You have to respect that. (SNIFFLES)

You: Are you crying?! I got emotion out of you! Hallelujah!

Your Ex: It’s just my allergies.

You: Oh. Here’s a tissue.

(HANDS EX BOYFRIEND A TISSUE)

Your Ex: Thanks.

You: We’re done here, I think.

Your Ex: Did you get what you wanted?

You: I think so. Yeah, I did. TC mark

image – ?????

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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  • Paideumaxx

    my conversation would go a little different, but i enjoyed this and the concept.

  • Susiederkins

    Ugh. I know, right? *sigh* 

  • holly

    I love you, Ryan. 

  • Fran

    this is perfect. thank you.

  • Aaron Johnson

    About to have this conversation in the next hour, except that the circumstances are slightly different.

  • boss

    DAMN! very well done. they should just call this website Ryan’s Catalog.

  • Ben

    This.

    :(

  • Sarah

    Ugh, this conversation. I hate when an ex still has the ability to unexpectedly make you feel like a crazy person. And then call you out on it. And then have the nerve to act calm, composed, and coherent.

    Thanks for this Ryan!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Cock.Thunder Joseph Anthony Nicoletti

    another brilliant piece. thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

    Brian McKnight said it best:  Do I ever cross your mind (anytime)?  

  • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

    Brian McKnight said it best:  Do I ever cross your mind (anytime)?  

  • http://www.facebook.com/steven.motschwiller Steven Motschwiller

    You just made my day 

  • http://www.facebook.com/steven.motschwiller Steven Motschwiller

    You just made my day. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000443575755 Richellet Potot Chan

    The sniffling act might be for a show (the ex-boyfriend pretending that he is reminiscing something and once again is done to deceive) and this poor girl thought that she mattered but in reality she’s just happened to be another woman who’s emotions he is playing with… poor girl… or yeah could be the other way around… :) really depends on the intention of the writer and how the reader interprets it …. right ryan? 

  • mk47

    Hits close to home. Can someone you were never *with* make you feel like a crazy person? 

    • http://twitter.com/AFDex16 Tony F.

      i’m thinking the same myself.

    • Ashlerose Marie

      yes…yes they can…

    • Guest

       there will always be that *someone*. now what do we do about this?!?!

  • http://twitter.com/SisterSoda Eva

    Ryan, you are adorable. Also, it’s really weird getting such a kick out of your healing process… but you make us do that!

    And I cannot bloody wait for you to write a movie, I’m just gonna sob and laugh off my ass watching it.

  • Niki Wong

    I love that I can empathise despite having never actually been in a relationship – I’d say that’s a GOOD piece of writing. THANK YOU

  • Ni

    Ryan, that gave me goosebumps and a little bit of tears. I had to stop reading for a second because I thought I was talking to my ex in this situation and you responded exactly how I would have. Especially that “fondness” line. Thank you so much. I think I got what I wanted out of this too, even if I’ll never speak to my ex about it.

  • Ab336106

    This is exactly what I needed. Bravo!!

  • Sophia

    This was perfect, and it hit closer to home than a batter at the plate.
    Amazing.

  • Sophia

    This was perfect, and it hit closer to home than a batter at the plate.
    Amazing.

  • http://eccentricerrant.wordpress.com/ Alexandrea

    That’s a good piece — I enjoyed it a lot. I can’t relate to it, though. Doesn’t it apply to everyone, the “out of sight, out of mind” saying?  Just genuinely curious. I tend to forget about someone after just a few months of being apart.

  • SisterRay73

    I *adore* this, Ryan. And you!

  • SisterRay73

    I *adore* this, Ryan. And you!

  • SisterRay73

    I *adore* this, Ryan. And you!

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