The Conversation You Would Like To Have With Someone You Dumped

You: Hi. Do you hate me?

Someone You’ve Dumped: What? Why would I? No!

You: I don’t know. I mean, I would hate me if I were you. I treated you terribly.

Someone You’ve Dumped: I don’t really remember it like that. You could be a brat but you weren’t cold or cruel.

You: Really? Because I think I was all of those things. It worries me that you don’t think so. I think you’re conditioned to being treated badly or something. I remember all of your friends used to walk all over you. You had pudding for a backbone.

Someone You’ve Dumped: Gee, thanks. If that’s true, then why did you do it too? I don’t get you. Why did you even want to talk to me? So you can apologize for being a jerk to me and get mad if I don’t respond the way you want me to?

You: No. I wanted to let you know that I’m not really that person who you dated. It was a weird time for me and I feel like I took out a lot of my anger and aggression on you. I apologize for that.

Someone You’ve Dumped: I told you that everything was fine. What more do you want? You know, this conversation seems more for your benefit than it is for mine. It seems like you just want me to alleviate you of your guilt.

You: Okay, do you want me to be real? I kind of secretly hoped to get a reaction out of you today. Throughout our whole relationship, you let me get away with murder and it drove me crazy. I just wanted you to push back and put me in check. But you’re not even doing it now. You’re still just like, “Oh no big deal. We’re cool!” WHY ARE WE COOL? WE SHOULD BE THE OPPOSITE OF COOL.

Someone You’ve Dumped: You’re nuts. I’m witnessing someone be nuts right now. It’s exciting!

You: Okay, I like this part of you. You’re being sassy. Where was this person when we dated? Sassy was so far away from you then.

Someone You’ve Dumped: I’m really sorry that I wasn’t busting your balls the entire time we were together. I didn’t know that I was being secretly tested. But you know what? We’re broken up. We didn’t work out and I guess this is why. You wanted me to be someone I wasn’t.

You: Oh my god, you’re being so logical right now…

Someone You’ve Dumped: Yes. I have the tendency to make sense.

You: No, I know. I just….yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what else to say.

Someone You’ve Dumped: I appreciate that you feel bad and want to apologize. But I don’t need your apology. Honestly, I didn’t think that what we had was that bad. And if that makes me sort of masochist, then so be it. But know one thing, okay? You can’t get everyone to like you. You can’t try to patch up things with everyone you dated. Sometimes things just end and that’s it. No one hates you, no one loves you, it just is. The time you spent together exists as a moment in time and doesn’t spill over into the present. I feel like that’s what we were. We had a good run and it’s done. We don’t need to be having this conversation.

You: But…

Someone You’ve Dumped: No, I’m not humoring you with this. If you feel bad about doing some mean things during our relationship, then I give you permission to no longer feel bad about it. But I’m not going to just sit here and watch you bait me into having the kind of reaction you would want me to have. It’s gross.

You: Well, okay then. Wow, this is sort of like a dream conversation.

Someone You’ve Dumped: It is a dream, doofus. You’re writing it.

You: Oh, right. TC mark

image – magnetbox

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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  • Michael

    i love you.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock

    goddamn it ryan get out of my mindlife

  • jenn

    what?  the conversation -I- want to have with those I dump is:

    me: Oh, wow, hi!  How are you doing?
    dumpee:  I’m doing well.
    me: Really?  
    dumpee: No. You are the best thing I’ve ever known and no one compares.

    (I’m a bad person.)

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      Jenn there is someone out there, who you haven’t yet met, that will feel that way.

    • Guest

      i feel bad that you need that much attention and reinforcement from someone you don’t even like. :(

  • http://www.twitter.com/clowve Joyce

    “The time you spent together exists as a moment in time and doesn’t spill over into the present.”

     THIS.
    Definitely the mantra in my head.

  • Tits n ass

    WOW.. I sort of reconnected with my ex in a very similar way a few days ago.  You are amazing!

  • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking Trey

    THIS:

    Someone You’ve Dumped: You’re nuts. I’m witnessing someone be nuts right now. It’s exciting!

  • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking Trey

    THIS:

    Someone You’ve Dumped: You’re nuts. I’m witnessing someone be nuts right now. It’s exciting!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Timberman/922794 Steven Timberman

    The bit that starts with “I appreciate you feel bad” is brilliant. Yes, brilliant.  Ryan, deal with it.

    I don’t care for the meta stuff, afterwards, but I think you accurately summarized the attitude of the dumper in one paragraph. Kudos.

  • Loti1087

    That is exactly what happened to me when I got dumped, and the whole idea of them pushing me around because I didn’t have a backbone.  Then when the contacted me and i did they wanted to get back together.  Of course after the 3rd attempt I refused.  Nutz isn’t even close to comparing to my ex.  They wouldn’t leave me alone until I blocked them on absolutely everything.  

  • http://profiles.google.com/emil.rivera Emil Rivera

    ryan ryan ryan, it feels like i am going to feel guilty forever, and i guess to heal is okay to be selfish, or not okay. Anyways, awesome piece, as always.

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  • Erin

    “No one hates you, no one loves you, it just is.”
    So just to be clear, whatever happened between us was soulless and meaningless, not a cell in our body has changed as a result of it. Very sad fact but the article is fantastic as usual, well done Ryan.

  • Nicky S

    This is SO cool! :)

  • http://www.stuntedbyreality.com/ Joe Charakupa

    “Sometimes things just end and that’s it. No one hates you, no one loves you, it just is.”

    I like that line! And as it happens, I wrote an article on my blog about song’s you should play when you’ve been dumped. It’s a light hearted take on those of us who can be dumped and not feel like the world is over.

    http://www.stuntedbyreality.com/2011/07/29/songs-to-play-when-you%e2%80%99ve-been-dumped/

  • Jo

    wheww.
    glad I read this here so I can avoid accidentally doing this to my ex.

    thanks, Ryan.

  • jess

    This is the break up I just went through (minus the backboneless part), proving it is possible. Agreed, sometimes people just are and then aren’t. It is not some all consuming romance. Two people just want company, there’s a correct fit for a time, then life moves on.

  • http://www.genghistrucks.com/ForumRetrieve.aspx?ForumID=683&TopicID=1438081&NoTemplate=False linked website

    linked website

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