How To Hate Everyone

Experience moments of pure rage. Overhear a disgusting old man trying to flirt with a college student in a coffee shop and feel a strong desire to turn around and shake him. “You are old and creepy. She is young and fresh off the boat. Please stop making her regret being born a woman. I hate you!”

Love people. Love them so very much. Study them curiously in malls, delis, your bedroom. Be constantly surprised by the kindness of strangers, the tenderness that can often exist between two people who don’t owe each other anything at all. They just want to help, want to make the hardships of daily living easier for everyone. They get it. We’re here for one another, okay?

But see and hear things every day that make you hate everyone on this planet. “Is this person really talking about his chakras at lunch? Did this boy really dump my friend over a text message? How can people be so awful to each other?” Watch the news, read about The Kardashians, and hate everyone just a little bit more.

Go to bars and get trapped into having a conversation with someone about their stupid job and their stupid hair and their stupid diet. Wonder if these things are actually coming out of their mouth. Their words are like bombs and they’re hitting you in the face. Wonder why and how do they exist. How have they gone through life saying such stupid things to strangers? Go back in the oven. You aren’t done yet.

Feel guilty about all of these feelings. You don’t want to feel like you’re better than everyone else. That’s so gross and largely inaccurate. People are so loving and brilliant and interesting. You learn so much from them and derive so much joy from social interactions. So why does it feel like sometimes everybody’s psycho except you? Why does it feel like you’re often living in an episode of The Twilight Zone—an alternate reality where it’s okay for people to be unabashed narcissists, say the most ridiculous things in casual conversation, and behave like a complete and utter asshole?

Maybe things would be better if you could actually say what you mean for once. Maybe things would be better if you could actually tell someone that they’re a terrible person without feeling like you’ve broken 10,000 social norms. Maybe your feelings wouldn’t be so pent up and you would be a lot…happier? Maybe. Let’s try it!

I hate you. You’re too insecure and I feel suffocated whenever I’m around you.

You are really #dark and we can’t hang out because you’re on too much Xanax and say weird things.

You’re not real. You’re just some weird dude the internet pooped out and tried to pass off as human.

You treat people terribly and don’t care about anyone but yourself. Shocking.

You make me too sad. You’re like a deflated balloon that’s fallen to the ground and can’t get back up.

You are a liar! You did not go to UCLA. You went to Santa Monica City College. And you don’t live in Bel Air. You live in the valley. Why are you lying about such inconsequential things? WHO CARES? You are awful!

That actually helped. I love everyone now. Sending love and light! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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