Dating A Mean Boy

Mean boys will try to destroy you. You won’t know it at first. They’ll just seem like they’re cocky (SEXY), assertive (SO SEXY), and a “real man” (Oh my god, I’m pregnant just thinking about it!). But once they have you and know you’re exclusive, they will transform into something ugly. It will be false advertising and maybe you’ll wonder if you can get your money back because this is not what you ordered at the relationship buffet! But it’s too late. You’re in it. You’re dating a mean boy whose sole purpose is to make you feel the opposite of loved, to break you down and have you need them to get back up. You’ll know it the second they make a passing comment about your weight, your clothing choices or get mad at you for something completely trivial. You’ll know it the second their body winces when you go in for a kiss. “Uh oh, I’ve got a mean one again.”

No one is truly invincible to the mean boy. Sure, certain types of people are more prone to get into relationships with them. I’m talking about the girls with low self-esteem who want to have someone reinforce the awful things they already feel about themselves. I’m talking about the girls who mistake possessiveness for love. But anyone can end up with an asshole, at least for a little while. Anyone can find themselves dating someone beneath them. The strongest smartest women can end up with a mean boy. Why? Because people never make sense in love. They make sense in their work, with their friends and family, but when it comes to relationships, they can gravitate towards absolute trainwrecks. They can take everything they stand for, everything they represent, and cut it up into a million pieces.

Cold men are viewed as challenges. We think we can just warm them up in the oven, bring some color back into their cheeks and feed them chicken noodle soup, and everything will be so much better. We think that by offering them a certain kind of love, their coldness will begin to thaw and prove to be no match for your kindness. It never really works that way though. In the back of our minds, we know this. We know the endings before we even see the beginnings but it doesn’t really matter. You’re going to pursue the people you’re attracted to, regardless of any previous lessons you may have learned. If you’re more comfortable with meanness, that’s the type of man you’re going to end up with until it becomes uncomfortable and you realize you deserve better.

Mean boys will try to make you unfit for any other kind of man. They’re going to want to break you in a way that will make you undesirable to the good men. This is the part where you’re supposed to put your foot down and be like, “NEVER.” Perhaps the only good part about dating a mean boy is letting them know that they’re not who they thought you once were. “Sorry. You picked the wrong girl! Try someone else who will actually put up with your bullshit.” There is a breaking point you’ll reach. It’ll be like regaining consciousness after being in a coma for x amount of months, and years later when you look back at the relationship, it will be hard to understand how it could’ve actually happened. That wasn’t you, it was some low-rent stand-in version of yourself. No, seriously. THAT WAS NOT YOU.

You’ll hate the mean boy. You’ll hate yourself more for awhile afterwards but eventually, you’ll always blame them. You’ll never blame yourself. That’s the goal anyway. That’s the dream. Some people never figure it out and it’s a sad terrible thing. But you won’t be one of those, right? You’ll be one of the people who just got lost for a bit on the relationship path and ended up in Douchebag USA. I”t’s okay”, people will tell you, “everyone takes a detour there at some point. I’m just glad you found your way back.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – American Psycho

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