Dear Gay Dude: Who Bones Who?
Dear Gay Dude,
Some gay dudes like to get sex in the bum, some like to give it. How do you know who is who?
-Top, Bottom, Meet Me In The Middle
Dear Top, Bottom, Meet Me In The Middle,
Discerning who is a top and who is a bottom can be tricky biz. The stereotypes would lead you to believe that men who like to top are usually the more assertive and “masculine” one whereas bottoms are typically femme and submissive. In my experience, however, you kind of just have to go with your gut. Luckily for those of us who are sexually stubborn, it seems like more and more gay men are embracing versatility these days and abolishing the rigid confines of having just one preference. Thank God for this because two bottoms don’t make a top and vice versa. I’ve been with dudes who I assumed were this or that and, oops, it turned out they weren’t! Cut to us in bed together being like, “No, you do it. I don’t wanna. You do it!” In those situations, you’re really stuck between a rock and his rock.
For the most part, however, the dynamic I’ve had with someone outside the bedroom mirrors the one we have inside so don’t sweat trying to figure it all out. If you really want to sleep with someone, you’ll find a way for two to become one.
Dear Gay Dude: Reading Butt Magazine Makes Me Depressed!
Dear Gay Dude,
I love/live for Butt magazine but whenever I read it, I always feel sort of depressed. It’s basically a bunch of interviews with hot gay men who find themselves in the most amazing homosexual situations. Does every gay guy go to underground sex parties, have tons of boyfriends, and a huge group of gay friends? I feel like I’m missing out because I only have a handful of gay friends and I don’t really sleep around. I do want more of a “gay lifestyle” but I’m not sure how to go about it. Please help!
-Depressed By Butt
Dear Depressed By Butt,
I’m feeling this question on so many levels. First and foremost, I should tell you that I also love Butt magazine. I interviewed for an internship with them when I was in college and they even published one of my sex reviews! I feel like it provides a healthy and positive narrative about what it means to be gay in today’s society and it’s a perfect antidote to Out—a magazine I don’t relate to at all as I’m sure you don’t either. But I totally understand how it could bum you out too. Reading these interviews with sexy gay men and hearing stories about their wild sexual exploits makes me sometimes feel like I’m not leading a “gay enough” life either. It sounds ridiculous, huh? Because there’s no right or wrong way to be gay. Hearing about a group sex party might sound exciting but if you’re more into monogamy, then you wouldn’t want to go anyway! I think what you’re missing is this feeling of being a part of a gay community. Every guy who’s featured in Butt seems to be entrenched in it so I understand why you could feel a tad alienated. Sometimes it feels like the people who have tons of gay friends are a part of some secret society and you just need to find a way in. But in order to meet new queers, you just need to go to as many gay events as possible. Go to gay bars! Sign up for Buttheads on the Butt website. I’ll do it if you will!
Dear Gay Dude: Should I Hang Out With A Gay Republican?
Dear Gay Dude,
Last night, I was hanging out with a few friends at one of my favorite gay bars in West Hollywood, when a guy approached me and we started chatting. He was 22, had just graduated from college, and had recently moved to LA for work. All in all, he seemed completely normal. Somehow, the conversation took a slight turn in the political direction and that’s when he finally “came out to me,” so to speak. As a Republican.
I get that we gays are supposed to be all about acceptance and tolerance (that’s what the Rainbow Flag is all about, right?) but I couldn’t help but be mortified by his Republican lifestyle. He didn’t use words like “moderate” or “fiscally conservative” – he was very explicit in his Republicanism. I’m pretty sure I tuned out for the rest of that conversation, my mind too preoccupied by trying to figure out how “gay” and “Republican” could exist within this individual without creating an explosion of hypocrisy. So what do you think Gay Dude? Are gay Republicans as confusing and objectionable as I think they are, or do I need to be more open-minded?
A Politically Intolerant Gay
Dear Politically Intolerant Gay,
Oh honey, I think you met a Log Cabin Republican. I had heard about these folks but have never met one in the flesh. I honestly thought they were an urban legend.
Okay so here’s the deal, politics can be a deal breaker. It all depends on how much you care about that kind of stuff, which I’m guessing for you is a lot. I’m not going to lie; I would be weirded out by a diehard gay Republican too but if they were really cool, I would definitely dip my feet in their pool for a sec to see if I liked the temperature. Also important questions to ponder: How hot was he and do you think he has a big dick? Ha!
Dear Gay Dude: How Do I Tell My Gay Best Friend To Piss Off?
Dear Gay Dude,
Recently my best friend and my gay guy friend got into a fight. They still have not made up so to avoid any awkwardness, we hang out separately. Since we ditched our gay friend though, we’ve been having so much more fun. It’s like we can have a girls night out without having to worry about our gay friend being awkward while we talk about our bikinis, and we can hang out with straight dudes without making them feeling awkward. I feel so bad about leaving our gay friend behind all the time. but I can’t remember the last time we had so much fun. Is there an easy way to tell him that sometimes girls just need to hang around girls?
-Feeling Bad For Feeling So Good
Dear Feeling Bad For Feeling So Good,
This so funny because just last night, I was talking to my gay friend about how we needed to have a boys night out without our girlfriends. Look, don’t feel bad! Everyone needs to enforce some gender segregation sometimes in their social life. I’m sure your gay friend is living it up elsewhere with his gay friends and if not, he should be. Go do you, babe. He should understand your need for some hetero girl time. If he doesn’t, then he’s desperado and clingy. No fun!