Oh my god, you’re crazy!
This girl is nuts. You know how when you meet someone and within five minutes, you know they’re fucking crazy? It’s the way their eyes move, their bodies hang, and the fact that they just told you about their eating disorder when they don’t even know you. You can see that they’re broken and haunted. Maybe they experienced something so dark when they were younger. You’re not quite sure what it was, but now she’s 23 and the crazy girl at a party. That’s what all of the trauma has amounted to at this moment in time. She’s not mean. In fact, she really just wants a hug. But you’re going to back away now. You’re going to leave the crazy girl and feel really bad about it.
Oh my god, you’re a bro!
This guy is a Dude. He’s a nice Dude but still a Dude. Oh, he means so well in his Dudeness. He’s saying things like “Oh, man. That’s crazy. That’s so crazy!” and “Does anyone wanna blaze?” Bless him! Dudes don’t really know what to do with non-dudes. They study them curiously and ask questions before secretly writing them all off as “emo”. By the way, emo is a blanket term used by normies to describe everyone who’s not exactly like them. Whether you’re a hipster, a hippie, or an alternative Christian, you’ll all be lumped together in the same category.
Oh my god, you’re the life of da party!
Ah, this girl is fun. She’s gregarious, kooky, and uninhibited. How much you wanna bet she asks around for coke at three in the morning? She’ll lower her voice for a brief moment and ask in a hushed whisper, “Does anyone here do blow?”, and people will either get uncomfortable or be totally receptive. I guess it just depends on the kind of party it is. You’re not going to judge her for any off-color remark she makes because there’s something refreshing about her shamelessness. In a time when every social interaction feels calculated and everyone is on their best behavior, there’s something amazing about The Girl Who Asks For Coke At 3 A.M.. We need her.
Oh my god, you have a girlfriend!
This guy is Someone’s Boyfriend. As a result, he’s tethered to his girlfriend’s side the whole night. The spare moments he’ll be alone is when he asks his girlfriend, “Beb, you want to another drink, beb? Let me get you a refill, beb!” and his girlfriend will reply, “Sure, beb! That sounds great. Thanks, beb!” He will use this time of freedom to chat with other people until the girlfriend notices the void she has been feeling and makes a beeline to the other side of the room. She’ll find him drinking and laughing with people who aren’t her and be like, “Beb, I was worried! Where’s my drink?!
Oh my god, you’re like really smart!
This chick is smarter than everyone in the room. She’s observing, soaking it all up, and always one step ahead. Oh my god, she is saying the best stuff. She is on it. People are kind of crowding around her now. You can tell she’s kind of over it and hates everyone, but also secretly loves the attention. I like her.
You can tell a lot about someone by their behavior at a party. It’s like the Cliff Notes to your personality. Everyone is trying to project this larger than life version of themselves and the end result can either be terrifying or just delightful!