The 5 Thoughts That Run Through Your Head While Shopping At A Generic Hipster Clothing Store

1. “I shouldn’t be here.”

If you find yourself inside a generic hipster clothing store, chances are you aren’t happy about it. The last time you were there, you blacked out and spent $400 on a pair of fringe boots. When you came to, you saw the evidence hidden in your closet and screamed bloody murder. So why are you here again? Oh yeah, you’re bored and need to kill some time. Uh-oh. Famous last words.

2. “Were the clothes always this expensive?”

Yes. They were. People seem to always suffer from retail amnesia when they walk into hipster clothing stores. They think they’re stepping into a Forever 21—a store that’s great for picking up an OTF party dress—but they’re actually stepping into the price equivalent of a clothing store like Zara. It’s essentially Forever 21 vibes with Zara prices. My friends always hold up a dress and act shocked when they discover that it costs $200 bucks. Duh, these stores have always been outrageously overpriced. This ain’t no thrift store, no matter how hard the stores try to convince you otherwise.

3. “I can’t tell if this guy works here or is just a customer.”

Hipster clothing stores are so good at creating a uniform that it’s impossible to distinguish the actual workers from the customers. I have been mistaken for an employee three times while shopping at such stores, which is so #dark I can’t even begin to delve into it. If people think you work there when you’re just spying a pair of skinny jeans, it’s time for you to evaluate your life. I know I did. That’s what led me to Scientology and shopping at Kohl’s. J/K!

4. “OMG, What’s this song? I love this song!”

The highlight of shopping at a hipster clothing store is listening to good music…most of the time. I’ve had no shame in my music game and have asked employees who did the song that’s playing right now. They usually get really excited because it’s like their band or some obscure one from the ’70s. Other times though they’re too stoned to know and/or answer. By the way, I’m convinced that all of the people who work at generic hipster clothing stores are on drugs. It must be in their contract or something. “Must come to work acting either too enthusiastic or completely over it.”

5. “What did I just do?”

The self-loathing and disbelief sets in almost immediately after you grab your shopping bags and make for the exit. You can’t believe you just spent $400 on a t-shirt that says “Bitches and Hoez”, a Holga camera, a party dress, a pair of jeans you can’t fit into, and a copy of Chelsea Handler’s book for $20. Dear God, why? You were just coming in here to kill time and now you’ve killed your bank account. And to add insult to injury, there will be five girls at the party tonight wearing the same exact dress as you. Not chic. TC mark

image – hey__paul

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Chelsea

    why didn't you just title this piece “the 5 thoughts that run through your head while shopping at urban outfitters”??

    • ZARA

      Because Urban Outfitters isen't the only hipster store.

      • Francesca Filardo

        Right. He could also mean American Apparel. #shudder

      • Greg

        or the burton store/any streetwear store in america

    • PhermonousFan

      Because he's afraid to say where he shops. The anonymous horde might tear him apart

  • Michael Koh


  • Aja

    Identify.  100%.  I have since stopped buying stuff I don't need because I get carried away in the moment, but I had to learn the hard way.  One ridiculously priced duvet cover purchased and I'm a new woman!

  • Kelvin Lee

    #4 is so true. Also “Is this for boys? Girls? Neither? Both?”, like every time.

  • Nena

    since when is Chelsea Handler hipster?

  • Jean Dujardin

    Since when is Zara expensive?

    • inflammatorywrit

      Are you European? Zara is pretty affordable in Europe (from what I've seen) but really expensive in the US.

      • Comic Insult

        Zara is considered one of the “fast fashion” stores – in the same league as Forever 21 and H&M.  You pay $89 for a blazer and $39 for a blouse.  Not sure why “Zara prices” is considered a ceiling here.  Opening Ceremony, which is the ultimate “hipster” store, has Bergdorf Goodman prices, not Zara prices.

      • inflammatorywrit

        I don't know…last time I was in a Zara in DC it seemed like everything was $300. I was living on an AmeriCorps salary, so that could have made me biased against the prices (anything about $30 might as well have been $300).

      • inflammatorywrit

        “Over”, not “about”. Why can't I edit my comments after I post them?!

  • JJ

    opening ceremony

  • erin

    wonder how easy it would be to shoplift from said generic hipster store. all the employees are beyond over it, trying to ignore you as much as possible.

    • Ruthlezz

      Feel like Tao Lin might beg to differ

  • indi

    please tell me we're not putting hashtags randomly into blog posts now.

    • Ryan O'Connell

      oh honey. #weare

      • Francesca Filardo

        Oh, Ryan. You are #myfavorite.

      • Myemail

        Ryan, thanks to you I have started using hashtags *in real life*, fingers akimbo. #shame

  • mom

    So how much money did you just blow Ryan ? You must be feeling guilty

  • lauren

    thanks for teaching me that Zara is expensive in the States! here in its home country it's really not that bad

  • Brooklyn

    This article was all about American Apparel.  I've never owned any of their pieces so I can not say whether or not its worth the price but it just seems to me like an over priced Gap.

    • Pfft

      i was thinking urban outfitters

    • damo

      definitely UO. AA doesn't sell random shit like holgas and books – plus the music whenever i've dared to venture inside one has been… well… less than spectacular.

  • JWG

    Don't know why you dissin kohl's bro. Nine dollar polo shirts.

  • guest

    just go to Beacon's for your hipster shit man

  • Emily Diepenbrock

    Urban Outfitters anyone??? This nails it.

    • Rachel

      …urban outfitters is hardly what i'd call a “hipster” store
      urban is for like, 15 year old girls who've just discovered passion pit

      • damo

        urban outfitters WISHES it was a hipster store.

      • Julie

        “…a t-shirt that says “Bitches and Hoez”, a Holga camera, a party dress, a pair of jeans you can’t fit into, and a copy of Chelsea Handler’s book for $20” pretty much describes the wares of every UO in existence.

  • guest

    opening ceremony

  • eferf51
  • alisha

    In one trip to Forever 21 during the holidays I was asked if I worked there 5 seperate times. Quite embarrassing.

  • mm4

    haha the employees at urban/aa would never get excited if you asked them what song was playing. how uncool of you to ask, you should've listened to the leak of it on a blog a month ago. don't read their dismissal of you as bring stoned, they're just putting all their efforts into trying to seem hipper-than-thou. i have a few friends who work at uo, so i'm not hating, but it's so true.

  • Guest666

    chelsea handler??? giirrrrrrrrrl you so craycray!!!

  • alex

    so Opening Ceremony. But I'm shamelessly in love with that store so NO HATE INTENDED

  • Madeline Criswell

    This really stands true for any whorish conglomo store. Things like hototpic too, ugh,

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