Is There Really Such A Thing As Friends With Benefits?

People don’t seem to understand the concept of friends with benefits. People having sex for pleasure without wanting a deeper connection is blowing people’s minds. Hollywood definitely can’t handle it. They’ve made two films in one year with the exact same premise. No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits are both rom-coms that ask the same shocking question: OMG, can people have sex with each other without wanting to get into a relationship? The answer is so simple; it’s terrifying that it’s taken three hours of film and millions of dollar to answer it.

The answer is yes, of course they can. But it truly varies from person to person. Chances are you have a friend in your life who you wouldn’t mind sleeping with. They’re cute, you’ll be drunk, whatever, it feels right! When faced with the prospect of dating them, however, you’re completely turned off. You just don’t have that dating chemistry and the thought has never even crossed your mind. You just don’t think of them in that way. This is because sex chemistry is different than dating chemistry. It’s a lot easier to take your clothes off for someone than snuggle with them in bed while ordering delivery and watching Bravo.

It also depends on how strong the friendship is. Obviously having sex with your BFF could be…bad. You already have such as strong emotional connection that throwing sex in the mix wouldn’t make it much different than an actual relationship. However, hooking up with a good friend or an acquaintance shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I’ve hooked up with two of my good friends and it hasn’t been an issue at all. I wasn’t sitting there afterwards wondering if I had feelings for them or worrying if things had changed. Just as I suspected it would be, it was fine. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I wouldn’t have put my good friend’s penis in my mouth if I thought I would want to cuddle afterwards and maybe go on a date.

For some reason, the idea of having sex with someone just to get off is revolutionary. I mean, you must want more, right? How could you not? Um, because you don’t? Not everyone we sleep with is BF/GF material and that’s okay. If we don’t develop feelings for someone, it doesn’t make us a slut or a Samantha; it makes us human. I would love to see a movie get made where two good friends bone every once in awhile and nothing ever happens as a result of it. The friendship goes on, life goes on. They just occasionally find themselves in each other’s sex neighborhood. Wait, just kidding. Don’t make that movie. It sounds really boring. TC mark

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  • Santana

    I think it’s best to start with sex and work your way up to friendship status

  • Santana

    I think it’s best to start with sex and work your way up to friendship status

  • http://twitter.com/bpnjelly Brady Plunger

    Thank you! I feel like sometimes people I know look at me like I’m from another planet when I talk about how I like to have sex just for the sake of it.  Fucking is fun,  and I like to do it as often as possible.

    For a while I had a close friend who used to visit my sex neighborhood and it was great. We had a lot of fun and getting into a relationship never even occurred to either of us. The only problem came when we realized our friendship was totally about the benefits and that we were actually two very different people who couldn’t really stand each other aside from our naked times. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

  • http://twitter.com/bpnjelly Brady Plunger

    Thank you! I feel like sometimes people I know look at me like I’m from another planet when I talk about how I like to have sex just for the sake of it.  Fucking is fun,  and I like to do it as often as possible.

    For a while I had a close friend who used to visit my sex neighborhood and it was great. We had a lot of fun and getting into a relationship never even occurred to either of us. The only problem came when we realized our friendship was totally about the benefits and that we were actually two very different people who couldn’t really stand each other aside from our naked times. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Dano.Bowman Dano Bowman

      Fucking is fun. But fucking for fun can be irresponsible and selfish.

      Culture dictates a good portion of people’s thought and development, and we live in a monogamous culture (though it is dying). People are pressured to be monogamous and NOT to fuck for the fun of it, naturally a lot of them feel guilty.

      How are we supposed to know who can handle fucking for fun and who can’t? You can ask them, but they’ll probably say it’s not a big deal because they want to fuck! People get hurt by this issue. A lot. I think it’s better to stop guessing and find someone to be monogamous and intimate with because as much as we like to pretend culture doesn’t matte and even IF it doesn’t really matter to us chances are it matters to other people.

      Please fuck responsibly.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKTF3MSF3RIBLQJ36KQL3ZBC4 pg

        There are actually a lot of messages in our culture, like in the media, that dictate that “Fucking for fun” is perfectly fine. Listen to pop music and rap music! the lyrics are all about wanting to fuck.  not to mention, there are sexual ads everywhere, sexuality all over tv, etc.

      • Kelsea

         This is true, but that’s where it gets confusing. People don’t know what to think and don’t understand their own feelings regarding the issue a lot of the time. I agree, with Dano–please, fuck responsibly.

  • Littlepixie

    I agree with you, there is really such a thing called friends with benefits. 

    As I recall, Mark and Callie from Grey’s Anatomy were a very good on-screen example of how friends with benefits can work. :)

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      AND THEN THEY HAD A BABY

  • Wes Thomas

    I believe having a “fuck buddy” is common enough, but a “friend with benefits” is totally different and much harder to come by. Brady’s comment is a perfect example – the only thing you have in common with your fuck buddy is the fucking, whereas with an actual friend, you have similar interests, you go out for coffee, you see movies, you go to bars; activities that, when mixed with sex, seem VERY much like dates. This is where the lines start to blur and shit gets confusing.

    Sure, NSA sex is easy to come by. Satisfying the urge, if you will, without making things complicated is totally fine. But I still maintain that if you examined your relationship with these alleged “friends with benefits” you would usually find that they aren’t really your friends at all. We just call them that for lack of a better expression, because referring to them as “this person I know and happen to fuck” doesn’t have as nice a ring to it. So please, go out and have no strings attached sex, but don’t try and convince me this person is really your friend.

  • http://twitter.com/no_cazador hunter ray

    If someone is a friend that you like to fuck….. that’s a relationship right? 

    I hate this shit, like people just don’t want to feel obligated even if they are behaving in ways similar to a relationship.

    • Guest

      blame culture.

      • Guest

        if it wasn’t for culture and our stupid generation, the term “friends with benefits” wouldn’t even exist..

      • Jordan

        Do you guys (guest 1 and 2) think that this behavior is only post-1980, or post-1960s?  This is not an accusatory question btw, merely a question.  We may have coined a term or two in the past 15 years but surely the idea of casual sex with a friend/acquaintance/oft-visiting ‘stranger’ isn’t a novel concept, no?

  • Manda

    The famous “show about nothing”, Seinfeld, has two friends (Elaine and Jerry) who occasionally hook up …and nothing ever comes of it.  Just a thought.

  • Buck

    I understand where you are coming from, but don’t you think its a little different for gay guys? Forgive me if I am generalizing a bit here, but it seems like a guy casually blowing guy is a whole different matter. It must be the Y chromosome.

    Most women, even the ones who pretend to actually want casual sex (and I’m sure plenty of TC readers fall into this category), always seem to execute an invisible contract with a binding ejaculatory clause. I have involuntarily signed several of these and paid the price of friendship for breaching the contract.

    • guestN

      …. i don’t understand why guy on guy would be any different from guy on girl.

      • Sophia

        …Because males have different brain chemistry from females’, thus two males in a relationship often have a different dynamic from a male and a female in a relationship.

      • Guest

        two males = twice the testosterone floating around in the room. More testosterone
        makes you more horny

        so yes, it is different. VERY different.

  • Dacubanb

    I would love to find a woman like this…truth is, there is none!  I have tried several times to be FWB with women to no avail.  At some point, they end up not down with it and get upset when you don’t want to take things further.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKTF3MSF3RIBLQJ36KQL3ZBC4 pg

      Then again, the same thing happens to guys.  If you have a FWB for a long period of time then why would you not try dating? Since it’s going to end either way, might as well end knowing that you at least tried the person out to see if you could fit together..

      • Dacubanb

        I agree that guys have ended up falling for their FWB. However, my point is, it’s rare to see many women with the mindset of the writer.  I would say a great % of women either are ok with a one night stand or getting into a relationship, not this “on the fence type” premise. Most women just want to know you are NOT banging other women too.  Problem is if you’re FWB with someone, more than likely they are banging other people. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKTF3MSF3RIBLQJ36KQL3ZBC4 pg

        I agree. it seems many women like to know what the nature of the relationship, they aren’t always comfortable with an “open” relationship.  I don’t agree that they are banging other people, though. I think it is more that they want the option of banging other people, because they like the idea of banging other people.
        then again, it varies..

      • Guest

        Many dudes also would prefer to know the nature of the relationship and would prefer a one night stand or a relationship to the on the fence stuff?  I’m really confused about why this is a conversation about women here

      • Guest

        GENERALLY. women like to know the details of the situation, whereas men are more comfortable with ambiguity.  It’s not that every single person of each gender operates this way, but it is definitely a trend.

      • ariel

        As a woman this has not been my experience. 

      • Dacubanb

        I agree that guys have ended up falling for their FWB. However, my point is, it’s rare to see many women with the mindset of the writer.  I would say a great % of women either are ok with a one night stand or getting into a relationship, not this “on the fence type” premise. Most women just want to know you are NOT banging other women too.  Problem is if you’re FWB with someone, more than likely they are banging other people. 

    • Guest

      That’s bullshit.  I’ve done it.  You’ve tried several times with the wrong chicks.  Bye.  

    • ariel

       I’m a female, I’ve done it. In fact, I initiated it. It was more like acquaintances with benefits, but whatever. I wouldn’t do it with a close friend, too complicated. Sometimes you are not in a place for a relationship but you want to have sex, such as when you first get out of a long term relationship, if you are moving, or just don’t want to focus on a relationship at the moment.

  • liz

    Not sure if serious.

  • Guest

    Casual sex is fine, until you fall in love.

  • guest

    im really digging that this conversation is mostly generated by men. i am female, yet hate getting categorized with the gender divide, “girls feel like this” “men like this”. regardless,  y’all make valid points. i think all of the above can be true–it can work if you both dont want the romance  but are friend, if you just want fun and a fuck. but, most likely, one will want more eventually and then your fucked. and not in the good way. 

    • Guest

      Uh, how the fuck do you know it is generated by men? dumbass..

  • xra

    what you’re describing sounds more like acquaintances-with-benefits or something

    that’s one thing; but to really be friends with a girl, hang out with her, have sex w/ her occasionally often, often occasionally, to manage to do significant amounts of cool shit together without ever ‘dating’; manage that sociosexual trapeze act and then you’re golden. although now and again, you may randomly oscillate through cycles of crashing drama, tense detente, and sexual euphoria, which is really what you both want anyway

  • ariel

    For the record I think there are just as many men as women who “pretend like they enjoy casual sex but get attached”. The only difference is that women are made to feel more guilty about it and men are made to feel weak if they admit to getting attached in a no strings situation. Stop acting like women are the only ones that get attached and that it’s absolutely revolutionary that a woman might enjoy sex outside of a relationship. This comment is aimed towards the other comments on here.

  • Guest

    Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, sex friends, blah.

    Doesn’t this all point to the fact that society IS okay with people fucking without attachments?? I think this article’s point is moot.

  • http://twitter.com/FeHaciente Fernanda Cortes

    I agree that you can hook up just because. I’m 25 and I’ve never done it but I’m about doing it. I’m an adult, independent, responsible person and I love myself so why shouldn’t I hook up with someone is my friend considering I recently ended a relationship so did he? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/bobbytheone Haj Bobby

    I have 3 girlfriends , it started 4 years ago :) we only meet when we have sex, we talk to each other our problems, for wassup or messenger , we are getting out , but not like date or something, we tried threesome too.. or 4some how it s called :)) the important thing is that those 3 girls are my best girlfirends :) they are not jealous, everyone has his own life, even 2 of them had boyfriends for a big period of time, and in this time we still had sex :) you see, guys and girls, the society doesn t allow atachment, because of being hurt :) it simpler that way, no responsabilities more than you have to a a good friend, you have your own life with no stress :) and yes we can do it without feelings involved :) i m sorry for my english i m from spain :)

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