Thought Catalog

7 Things You Should Know About Girls

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I love girls and I like to surround myself with them as much as possible. I’m by no means an expert (I think I would need a vagina in order to be considered one) but I’ve learned some interesting things about them throughout the years. Warning: It sounds like I’m speaking for all women in this article (OMG, the title) but I’m actually not. I’m talking about my experiences and my women.

1. Some of them hate other girls for no apparent reason. This is the kind of girl who has a lot of guy friends and calls herself a tomboy. She claims to not have many girlfriends because she thinks they are so much drama and she only likes people who are chill. Yeah… I don’t buy it. Do you? In my experience, these kinds of girls are just super competitive and feel superior when they’re  surrounded by a bunch of dudes—even if it’s platonic. This goes against the message of the groundbreaking film, Mean Girls, which is that girls need to love each other! Otherwise, they’re allowing themselves to get teared down by men. Feminism 101.

2. Overall, girls seem to pay more attention than men. They pay attention to people’s feelings, to social dynamics, to the temperature (it’s too hot, it’s too cold). They’re in tune with the things going on around them. And thank god for that because these sensitive beautiful creatures just seem to get it. My best girlfriends are the most thoughtful empathetic ladies ever. Their compassion never ceases to amaze me (and sometimes overwhelm me).

3. A lot of them don’t know how much they’re getting screwed over. They think a film like The Ugly Truth is empowering, they read He’s Just Not That Into You, and feed into the ideas that are designed to hurt them, they read Cosmo for guidance. It’s easy for me to see that these things are all horrible but that’s because I have a penis. I imagine that being a girl must make it so much harder to break away from these messages in popular culture. You’re the target audience and women are usually the ones relaying the messages, which gives you the false impression that it’s feminism or something. Hint: Feminism should never make you feel like a psycho bitch who is waiting for a boy to text her back.

4. Food is touchy. Food is a thing even if it’s not a thing, you know? You don’t have to be Karen Carpenter to say something disparaging about your body. You just have to read an issue of Vogue.

5. Throughout my life, I’ve always been drawn to the kind of energy women exude. I don’t know how to really describe it but I do know that it’s truly mesmerizing to just watch girls get dressed in the morning, apply lipstick, walk down the street, laugh, cry, dance waving their hair around wildly, get naked, go swimming. I guess this kind of admission isn’t surprising coming from a gay man. I remember studying my mom in the same way as a child. I would follow her around the house every day and watch her intently as she sprayed some perfume on her neck before she went out. I never dressed up in her clothes though. Promise.

6. Girls are tough but they’re also fragile. It’s an interesting duality. They’ll be the first person to cry over a sentimental commercial but they also endure blood coming out of their vagina once a month, childbirth and being catcalled by a construction worker. They fight small battles every day and accept it as a part of their lives. It’s funny to me that masculinity is all tied into your physical prowess. Because when it comes to dealing with the difficult things you can’t just punch in the face, men will often shut down completely and become completely weak. Living in New York City or any other metropolitan city, gender roles are obviously less defined. For $1600 a month, you can live in a Michael Cera-induced New Masculinity bubble! Outside those city limits though, things can still be very caveman and scary.

7. Here is something that I’ve found sort of interesting. In my group of girlfriends, I’ve discovered that a lot of them are attracted to women. And not in a “I kissed a girl and my boyfriend liked it” Katy Perry kind of way.  Hell, they wouldn’t even classify themselves as bisexual. They just like to do things like masturbate to lesbian porn or have sex with a girl occasionally. Is that, like, a thing or are all of my girlfriends just dipped into the extra freaky sauce? TC mark

image – Brian Boulos

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    • x :)

      7. Your friends aren’t dipped in extrra freaky sauce, or maybe I’m just extrra freaky like them :P

      • chicksarehot

        Hahaha exactly!

    • chicksarehot

      I love this! I was just arguing with a guy awhile back that just because I think chicks are hot and would totally touch them up, that does not make me bi!  

    • http://twitter.com/KatyStillLives Katy Maravala

      I liked this alot. 

    • Jordan

      I liked this one.  Overall I’d say I agree with all of them but 5 and 7 I especially liked.  I’ve taken to telling my roommates that I love having estrogen in our house whenever possible.  I think it’s probably just biological, but I also like girls’ “energy,” especially when they’re outgoing.

      And I thought He’s Just Not That Into You was about realizing that fact?  I only saw it once and maybe I’m just basing it on the title.  I thought it was a fairly positive movie?  Maybe I should watch again…

    • Amy

      Very good. I used to do the whole “I don’t get along with other girls” thing described in #1, until I realized I just had my own problems to work through, and now I have many female friends that enrich my life in so many ways!

    • Kaya

      This is sweet and really true :) And I’m attracted to girls every now and then but don’t consider myself bisexual.

    • Megan

      this was actually very beautiful, especially number six

    • Tinkikiwi

      I disagree with 1. I don’t not like girls (in fact, I like them quite a lot. [read: boobs]). I just prefer male company because I don’t know what to talk about with girls. Like, seriously. I may look like a female, but I am completely clueless when it comes to women.

      • Jordan

        There are plenty of other girls who don’t get along with girls for very carefully phrased reasons (usually involving the word “drama”) and like Ryan, I don’t buy it!

        Maybe it’s not you.  We’re talking generalities here.

      • your cousin

        There are plenty of other girls out there [here] who don’t want to sit around and talk about “Real Housewives” and clubbing. Find them and make friends.

      • Tinkikiwi

        O.o did I say something useful? What??? 

        Uhm yeah. My problem is I kind of suck at the whole people thing in general. Guys don’t care as much though if you don’t talk about anything more serious than what to do later in the day. Girls are all serious. 

    • shakejunt2020

      this dude is kinda faggy. girls are humans and shouldn’t be put on a pedestal. the author needs to fuck more chicks!

      • Jordan

        This should be good

      • Andri0524

        hes gay tho

      • Mr. White

        “this dude is kinda faggy.”
        …Are you sure?

        • shakejunt2020

          he says he’s a gay man. that pretty much defines “faggy” (#5 ” I guess this kind of admission isn’t surprising coming from a gay man.”) and supports his mythologizing womanhood.

      • sunwashighandsowasi

        I don’t think so, I think he is right on.
        I think you “need to fuck more chicks” to understand.

      • AG

        Wow homophobia and sexism all in one post! Good job asshole!

      • Cmc314

        First off he stated in the post that he is gay. Second your post should embarrase your entire gender, but considering your use of the word “faggy” your obviously well versed in idiot.
         

        • The little red squiggly line

          *embarrass
          *you’re
           

    • coffeeandinternets

      Oh lord, how true the first thing is.  I wonder if gravitating towards male friends also has to do with father issues — looking to bond with guys, even if only platonically, to get the male affection we never had growing up.

      I really agree with the Mean Girls sentiment, too — most girls don’t realize how large a part they play with the perpetuation of slut shaming and marginalizing women, even in the context of joking around.  If we didn’t do it to each other, maybe guys wouldn’t think it was as okay to do it either.

      I can’t believe I used the phrase slut shaming. I thought I turned off my Jezebelling months ago.

    • http://twitter.com/andeenero Andee Nero

      RE: Number 7
      I was just thinking about this last night. I think it has something to do with men being prodding and the general beauty of the female form. In my opinion, women are beautiful in a way men can’t be, excluding men who are trying to be women (drag-queens, transgendered, etc). 

      • No bai

        Uhh, no. Tell that to the (millions of) 100% gays.

        Women and men are each beautiful in their own ways, and it’s reductionist to suggest one sex is inherently more beautiful than the other.

        • http://twitter.com/andeenero Andee Nero

          i wasn’t speaking anything into being. more of a musing. do you have a better suggestion? i’d love to hear it.

        • guest

          Female bodies are beautiful in a way men’s ‘can’t’ be because we aren’t taught to think of the male form in the same way.  85% of the nudes in the Met are chicks.  It’s a total circle brah, neither is inherently more beautiful, it’s the way we’ve been taught to see the female form.

      • guest

        I think it has to do with women’s bodies being sexualized and commodified in a way men’s are not.  

    • seven

      i think #7 is a thing!  i had no idea!  i like those things, so sometimes i think ‘i guess i’m extra freaky and is that weird?’ but if it’s a thing, i might be normalish.  no shit.

    • http://twitter.com/mollyburkett Molly B

      I like this! 

      #1 is true at least in my experience. As a recovering tomboy myself I can say sometimes it is just because a girl likes to be on a power trip and doesn’t like the competition & comparisons that arise when you roll with women. But also, girls in general ARE more dramatic and internal, and some more laidback chicks would rather go skateboarding with their dudefriends than have a heart-to-heart with their best gal pal over brunch….As far as the freaky sauce, I think it’s where we live. In NYC things like sexual identity & monogamy are fluid at best. Insert non-gender-specific fluid joke here.

    • http://twitter.com/mollyburkett Molly B

      I like this! 

      #1 is true at least in my experience. As a recovering tomboy myself I can say sometimes it is just because a girl likes to be on a power trip and doesn’t like the competition & comparisons that arise when you roll with women. But also, girls in general ARE more dramatic and internal, and some more laidback chicks would rather go skateboarding with their dudefriends than have a heart-to-heart with their best gal pal over brunch….As far as the freaky sauce, I think it’s where we live. In NYC things like sexual identity & monogamy are fluid at best. Insert non-gender-specific fluid joke here.

      • guest

        I mean, you know, most people like to go have a chill time bro-ing out occasionally and have heart to hearts over brunch occasionally.  Fuck presenting those things as… opposed?  Let’s skate to brunch, I want a fucking mimosa.

    • your cousin

      “They fight small battles every day and accept it as a part of their
      lives. It’s funny to me that masculinity is all tied into your physical
      prowess. Because when it comes to dealing with the difficult things you
      can’t just punch in the face, men will often shut down completely and
      become completely weak.”

      It’s true. I don’t even think most men realize it.

    • http://twitter.com/hereticaneue Heretica Neue

      On point 7, I think a lot of women like lesbian porn not for the gayness of it, but because often lesbian porn focuses on pleasuring women, while in hetero porn the woman’s pleasure seems much more fake and just to show off how much she’s enjoying having her body contorted into ridiculous positions so she can be penetrated at interesting camera angles (ultimately so the male viewers can enjoy it more).

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1750347808 Annette Iris Rivera

        For sure. 

      • Cmc9314

        I completely agree! I challenge anyone to find a hetero porn that doesn’t show a girl looking directly at the camera when she is having sex. Don’t even get me started on the horribly fake orgasms, its obvious its all for a man’s benefit. Women generally are more turned on by the things leading up to sex not the actual sex itself. I mean even the names of the porn are more likely to make a girl laugh or cringe rather than turn a girl on.

      • Cmc9314

        I completely agree! I challenge anyone to find a hetero porn that doesn’t show a girl looking directly at the camera when she is having sex. Don’t even get me started on the horribly fake orgasms, its obvious its all for a man’s benefit. Women generally are more turned on by the things leading up to sex not the actual sex itself. I mean even the names of the porn are more likely to make a girl laugh or cringe rather than turn a girl on.

    • Molly

      I can relate to #7.  I don’t claim to prefer the company of guys to avoid “drama,” but to avoid superficiality.  I have a few very close girlfriends who happen to be very low drama and it’s always really cool to meet a girl who is down to earth and likes to have conversations about interesting things.  I guess the reason I don’t enjoy the company of many girls, at least at my school, is I don’t enjoy talking about fashion/ make-up/ stereotypically “girly” things.

    • http://twitter.com/ellie_rex danielle garza

      “They fight small battles every day and accept it as a part of their lives.” – Where I got teary-eyed. Thank you for this, Ryan.

    • Mr Shankly

      Aww, something about a little gay kid watching his mum spray perfume on herself makes me swoon in an extremely condescending way.

      Probably because I did the same thing. My favourite hugs were the ones she gave me before she went out, smelling of roses and lilies and everything lovely. They never lasted long enough.

    • Vix

      As for #7,
      In Western Society, women are allowed more flexibility in their sexuality. It has to do with the fact that in our society women are allowed to show affection for each other. Take a look at India were this cultural behavior is reversed…

      • Frida

        I didn’t know  about the India thing. Very interesting.

      • Anonymous

        It’s true that in india, men are still completely dominant, however india is getting totally westernized now. And, the gays in india get more criticism then the lesbians  . Arranged marriages aren’t as popular nowadays and bloody hell, most of them actually do casual dating now.

    • http://twitter.com/anafauxreal Anastasia Selby

      I loved this. I really loved the first one. I used to be a “tomboy.” I was a fire-fighter and had very few girl friends. Although my best friend was a girl, I mostly surrounded myself with guys, not because I hated girls, but because I grew up being made fun of by the popular girls. I learned to fear women and their catty ways and I wanted nothing to do with them. As time went on I started realizing that not all girls were that way and I opened my heart to more women in my life until I had an even split between girl and guy friends. Now I am so grateful for those girls. 
      For most “tomboys” it’s not hatred of other girls that makes them not want to be around them, but fear (which is where hate comes from anyways). Young girls, well, they’re not always nice. 

    • Amanda

      When I saw the title to this article I groaned, but this was actually really sweet. 

    • kaican

       I’m not really the kind of girl who would read an article titled ” 7 Things You Should Know About Girls,” but I did and this was very sensitive and insightful. I have always felt grateful to be a woman and not in a “women are superior” kind of way. I have just always felt proud of the flaws and strengths and beauty I see in myself and other women and this article acknowledged all of that.

    • Random

      #2 is actually one reason women can annoy me. I don’t think they’re more observant, but all of the rest of it is true. Inappropriate empathy is lame.

      • Guest

        inappropriate empathy? 

        explain. 

        • blazingparakeet

          I think Random means that fake-ish emotion where one girl sees another girl’s touching/sad moment, and she’s all, “OMG I know EXACTLY how you feel GIRL POWER.”

    • http://about.me/terakristen Tera Kristen

      Wow Ryan – the level of understanding that you have about women (at least in my experience) is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this – I feel like the women in your life are very lucky. This makes me happier to be a woman, happier to be a human, and happier to be a freaky sauce non-bisexual. 

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