5 Text Messages You Never Want To Receive

1. “Where R U?”

Sweet Christ, it’s the dreaded “where r u?” text. You usually receive this when you’re still at home and 40 minutes late to whatever it was you were meant to do. You’ve kept your friend waiting at a bar because you’ve been overcome with social anxiety and/or laziness. God, your couch looks amazing right now. The thought of being in a crowded room with a bunch of randoms making conversation is making you take an extra long time. You text back “be there in 15”, which means you haven’t left your apartment yet and are reconsidering your top. The second text you receive says, “seriously??? what is taking you so long?” and it makes you want to “accidentally” drop your phone in the toilet.

2. “I think I’m gonna stay in. I’m sorry. I suck!”

Flaking on someone via text message is the only way to flake nowadays. You can blow someone off and turn off your phone before they have a chance to send a reply. It feels so good! When you send a text like this, the receiver knows it’s coming. You haven’t responded to their texts in two hours or you’ve been really vague. They can see the “staying in” text from a mile away. I have a question though. Do you think that having an electronic leash has made us all turn into frosted flakes? Seriously, everyone just lives in a state of permanent stress because of our phones, which causes them to shut down and disappoint everyone. It’s too much. I would estimate that, due to cell phones and the internet, I let down five people a day. What’s your number?

3. “Cum over!” sent at two am.

Booty texts are the rudest of all the texts. You always get them when you’re in bed and about to fall asleep. All of a sudden your phone buzzes and you see a text from someone who you only sleep with when you’re borderline unconscious. What’s funny is that when you receive these texts when you’re sober, you’re just like, “Are you kidding me? How dare you!” But the second you’re wasted, you send the same thing (“cum over cum over srsly cum over byeeee.” You have no shame in your drunk texting game. You just pray that the other person is drunk too so they’ll respond and not judge you.

4. “You’ve won 7,000 points towards your horoscope!”

Spam texts are just a giant joke being played on virtual reality. For the past three years, I’ve received spam texts regarding some game and I have no clue what they’re talking about. I just send back “please stop!” and the same thing happens again. I always get them at the worst times too, like when I’m waiting for an actual important text from a crush or a drug dealer. My phone lights up and I get so excited, only to be completely disappointed by a spammer or my dentist reminding me to come in for a check up.

5. “We’re in a fight!”

Who made it socially acceptable to have actual important discussions via text message? Because I would like to get their number so I can text them something like “your dog just got run over!” {OMG, I would never! Sorry guys. That was way harsh, Tai). Texting is meant for making plans, breaking plans, and flirting. It cannot be used for anything real such as fights or breakups. If you send me a serious text, I will call your phone over and over until you pick up the phone like a big boy and we can talk about it. Scary, right? Oooh, real life! Can’t hide behind your phone! TC mark

image – rachel johnson

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

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More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/jade.orlich Jade Mitchell

    I’ve never gotten a spam one. “We need to talk” is usually the worst for me.

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      Only teenagers and people over 45 would mistakenly give their numbers to spammers.

      • Rockandrollme2003

        HONEY!

    • http://twitter.com/mdigirol matt

      Literally came to this page to say this. “We need to talk” is a death sentence.

    • Asdf

      Give me your phone number. I can rectify that for you. I promise to end it with “We need to talk.”

  • http://www.twitter.com/kkasie19 kasie

    Where R U??? we have to make a cameo at the val party!

  • http://twitter.com/ingenuegle Egle Makaraite

    Calling someone over and over – a good idea.

  • http://twitter.com/ingenuegle Egle Makaraite

    Calling someone over and over – a good idea.

  • http://twitter.com/ingenuegle Egle Makaraite

    Calling someone over and over – a good idea.

  • Mr Shankly

    I hate talking to people on the phone so I’ll send real elaborate texts to avoid having to call them. Sorryyyy.

  • Mr Shankly

    I hate talking to people on the phone so I’ll send real elaborate texts to avoid having to call them. Sorryyyy.

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      the more of your comments i read, the more i feel like we should date.

      • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

        we also have a fairly similar comments:likes ratio, which is important

      • Mr Shankly

        The comments:likes ratio is all that matters to me.

  • Mr Shankly

    I hate talking to people on the phone so I’ll send real elaborate texts to avoid having to call them. Sorryyyy.

  • Anonymous

    I’m guilty of receiving text #1 and guilty of sending text #2.  By the time I see my bed I want to crawl under the sheets and watch Netflix.  As for text #5 I agree, I need to hear the other person’s voice.  I find that people are more ballsy via text, but when it comes to verbal their balls shrink or cease to exist.

  • coffeeandinternets

    I don’t know, I prefer to receive the “I’m gonna stay in tonight!” versus not receiving anything at all, especially when plans were specifically made.

    If you don’t respond to me, even if I know you’re probably flaking out, I would prefer to hear it than not — I mean I get it and we’ve all been there and I won’t hold anything against you.

    BUT if you ignore texts and calls, I am going to keep texting and calling — to a reasonable degree of getting the message across — and it will no longer be about me wanting to see you, but rather me wanting to make a point.  It’s rude to leave people hanging while doing things like simultaneously updating your Twitter, and I will call you on that shit. Be a normal human and flake to my phone’s face.

  • CKB

    as a person who doesn’t have/need an unlimited text plan:

    #6. “k”
    #6.1. “ok”

    • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

      What kind of person is that? Using a text-for-free phone app doesn’t count.

  • http://twitter.com/ichrischen Chris Chen

    Texting is the worst thing that’s happened to communication. I hate exchanging a million texts when making plans or trying to meet up with someone when we could get it all sorted out over a phone call in a matter of minutes.

    And yes, a flaky response is better than no response.

    • http://twitter.com/galette_rois Julian Galette

      Fucking like times a million. It infuriates me when I call someone to hash out plans, they don’t pick up, and I get a text back.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

        Ha! I’m a hypocrite because that pisses me off too, but I’m soOo guilty. I feel justified if I’m at work/at a meeting and can’t exactly excuse myself to go planhash.
         Other times I just want to let my hair dry/do my makeup in peace and then feel mildly guilty but not guilty enough to answer the phone.

  • http://paintwithwords.tumblr.com leah

    i actually hate people who seriously think i’m going to have a text argument with them. grow a pair and dial the number that you’ve obviously got stored in your phone if you’re going to start something.
    it’s just silly.

  • Anonymous

    “Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex/ Cuz you don’t want that late text, that I think I’m late text” – Lil Wanye

    Can’t believe this didn’t make the list.

  • Anonymous

    Number 3 is acceptable till at least 25 years old. After it just looks sad.

  • Anonymous

    “Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex/ Cuz you don’t want that late text, that I think I’m late text” – Lil Wayne
    I’m surprised this didn’t make the list.

  • EP

    You’re forgetting one word texts. Or, better yet not even words, but acronyms. LOL/lol, yeah/yep/duh, ok/k/okay. If you only have one word to send, make a text message effort. Just put okay definitely, for sure, or SOMETHING. Maybe it’s because at one time I had to pay per text and one letter/word is NOT worth opening.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1099290012 Kari Baker

      THIS, SO MUCH. I would much rather have “Okay” instead of “k” 

  • Haha

    “I’ve done some thinking. Would it be alright if we’re just friends?”

  • Kate Proulx

    Who’s going to write 5 Text Messages You Love to Recieve?  “cum over” better be on that list too.

  • http://twitter.com/whoismau Mauricio

    My all-time favorite apathetic response is “K .” Note the space before the period. Not only is it curt, but it has the power to drive your grammatically OCD friends up a wall.

  • http://twitter.com/whoismau Mauricio

    My all-time favorite apathetic response is “K .” Note the space before the period. Not only is it curt, but it has the power to drive your grammatically OCD friends up a wall.

  • margaret

    sending the “where r u?” text at 3:30 am with no reply is the worst.

    • Mandy

      ^ agree! Been there.

  • Frida

    I just hate any text that disregards a long message with an “Ohh.” and launches into what (if anything) they have to say.
    If you’re not going to care about what I have to say or are going to reply with a one word answer, why are you wasting your time and mine? 

  • Guest

    can i just say that it seems as if what the person in #2 did to you is almost exactly what you did in #1?  just saying

  • Megan

    “That was way harsh, Tai” loved that 

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