5 Text Messages You Never Want To Receive

1. “Where R U?”

Sweet Christ, it’s the dreaded “where r u?” text. You usually receive this when you’re still at home and 40 minutes late to whatever it was you were meant to do. You’ve kept your friend waiting at a bar because you’ve been overcome with social anxiety and/or laziness. God, your couch looks amazing right now. The thought of being in a crowded room with a bunch of randoms making conversation is making you take an extra long time. You text back “be there in 15”, which means you haven’t left your apartment yet and are reconsidering your top. The second text you receive says, “seriously??? what is taking you so long?” and it makes you want to “accidentally” drop your phone in the toilet.

2. “I think I’m gonna stay in. I’m sorry. I suck!”

Flaking on someone via text message is the only way to flake nowadays. You can blow someone off and turn off your phone before they have a chance to send a reply. It feels so good! When you send a text like this, the receiver knows it’s coming. You haven’t responded to their texts in two hours or you’ve been really vague. They can see the “staying in” text from a mile away. I have a question though. Do you think that having an electronic leash has made us all turn into frosted flakes? Seriously, everyone just lives in a state of permanent stress because of our phones, which causes them to shut down and disappoint everyone. It’s too much. I would estimate that, due to cell phones and the internet, I let down five people a day. What’s your number?

3. “Cum over!” sent at two am.

Booty texts are the rudest of all the texts. You always get them when you’re in bed and about to fall asleep. All of a sudden your phone buzzes and you see a text from someone who you only sleep with when you’re borderline unconscious. What’s funny is that when you receive these texts when you’re sober, you’re just like, “Are you kidding me? How dare you!” But the second you’re wasted, you send the same thing (“cum over cum over srsly cum over byeeee.” You have no shame in your drunk texting game. You just pray that the other person is drunk too so they’ll respond and not judge you.

4. “You’ve won 7,000 points towards your horoscope!”

Spam texts are just a giant joke being played on virtual reality. For the past three years, I’ve received spam texts regarding some game and I have no clue what they’re talking about. I just send back “please stop!” and the same thing happens again. I always get them at the worst times too, like when I’m waiting for an actual important text from a crush or a drug dealer. My phone lights up and I get so excited, only to be completely disappointed by a spammer or my dentist reminding me to come in for a check up.

5. “We’re in a fight!”

Who made it socially acceptable to have actual important discussions via text message? Because I would like to get their number so I can text them something like “your dog just got run over!” {OMG, I would never! Sorry guys. That was way harsh, Tai). Texting is meant for making plans, breaking plans, and flirting. It cannot be used for anything real such as fights or breakups. If you send me a serious text, I will call your phone over and over until you pick up the phone like a big boy and we can talk about it. Scary, right? Oooh, real life! Can’t hide behind your phone! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – rachel johnson

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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