Just Love Me, Dammit!

If you loved me, things would be different. I would be different. Maybe we would be at brunch right now snuggling in a corner booth and being like, “Oh my god, do you want the last bite? I don’t want it. Have it!” Or maybe we would be lying in bed on our computers and not talking to each other. The air would be thick with tension and you would be eating crackers in bed and getting crumbs EVERYWHERE. God! Who knows what we would be doing this morning. Not me because you don’t love me, remember?!

If you loved me, you would be a well-rounded person. Your skills would include but not be limited to: skiing, kayaking, Nutella eating, orgasm giving, being cute all the time, fitting into a size small in Rodarte, having good music taste and, oh yeah, loving me! You could even put it on your resume. “I’m very good at loving this person. I hope to apply this skill of loving to your awesome company.” If you loved me, maybe you would have an awesome job. Maybe everything would be awesome.

If you loved me, I wouldn’t have to hate you. I wouldn’t have to look at you and get angry for your inability to be content with just holding my hand. Come on, just do it. Just love me. It’s really not that hard. A few feisty comments here and there, a sense of humor and a nice butt is really all I need to keep me happy. But I guess this isn’t about me. It’s about you needing something different than what I can give you. This “thing’ is elusive and I hate it. If they were selling “the thing” that could make you love me forever, I would buy it in a heartbeat. I’d buy two just in case the other one ran out of batteries or something. I would do anything, which makes me hate myself and then you and then back to myself again.

If you loved me, you would fight with me. You would care enough to get enraged. Those months you stopped caring, those months you didn’t mind if I talked to a supermodel, that’s when I knew you had no more love for me. Me: “Hey babe, I’m getting this hot person’s number. Jealous?” You: “No.”

If you loved me, you would’ve let me experience something truly special. You would’ve showed me that I could be loved and that everything was going to be okay. You had the power to do that. You have the power to do that.

If you loved me, I would love you back. There. Uncomplicated. 2 + 2 = love. That’s what everyone wants, right? Uncomplicated “we’re on the same page” love? Well, it could’ve been us. But you didn’t want it. Or maybe you did but you couldn’t. That’s the worst, right? Wanting to love someone but realizing you can’t actually do it. Your brain, your heart, your dick just won’t let it happen. And you’re just left with having to break a lot of people’s hearts.

If you loved me, I wouldn’t have had to write this and be late to meet my friends for brunch. TC mark

image – Pretty In Pink

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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  • http://www.noahtourjee.com Noah Tourjee

    Hey! This is how I feel, <3 . Except there is more blood when I think about it.

    • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock

      um, ditto.

  • Alexihellokitty

    Nice piece

  • Stevo592

    Amazing

  • Emily

    Love you already

  • NatalieKeshlear

    Umm…so ya, I love you.

  • me

    it is absolutely insane how much i relate to this. i always relate to your articles. you always know what's up.

  • Hrfe

    I feel like you reached into my brain and pulled this out.

  • http://valentine-kitchenson.tumblr.com valentine-kitchenson

    This is both funny and sad :/
    I guess it's raw. It's passive, it's true, it's dirty like real life.
    I wish he could just love you as much as you do.

  • fuckinghell

    Must. Resist. Sending. To. Ex.

    • Guest

      Oh, I thought about sending this to the ex many many times. Let’s stay strong and not do it!!

  • Gnush

    too real again Ryan!

  • jennifer

    I love this. Amazing.

  • coffeeandinternets

    The older you get, the more you understand the idea that the other person just doesn't care as much as you, because you have been that person before and know how it feels to not love someone as much as they love you.

    Realizing that they are not hurting about it like you are when everything is ending in a relationship is really the extra 'fuck you' icing on the rage cake.

    'But no, I'm not bitter'

    • http://twitter.com/nanabuuui Anna B

      too tru, broski!

  • Marigold

    thank you

  • Nico K.C.

    “2 + 2 = love.”
    Bloody hell that was brilliant!!

  • Jasmine

    Ryan, impeccable timing.

  • DivaDebrah

    This is really quite spectacular. 

    LOL!

  • soulunsold

    This hurts too much. Ryan, you're fucking brilliant.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ayesha-Haq/100001852232077 Ayesha Haq

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  • http://www.guidetomenhattan.com Rachel

    I think I love Ryan?

  • Ashley McKenzie

    Richard Brautigan – It's Raining In LoveI don't know what it is,
    but I distrust myself
    when I start to like a girl
    a lot.

    It makes me nervous.
    I don't say the right things
    or perhaps I start
    to examine,
    evaluate,
    compute
    what I am saying.

    If I say, “Do you think it's going to rain?”
    and she says, “I don't know,”
    I start thinking : Does she really like me?

    In other words
    I get a little creepy.

    A friend of mine once said,
    “It's twenty times better to be friends
    with someone
    than it is to be in love with them.”

    I think he's right and besides,
    it's raining somewhere, programming flowers
    and keeping snails happy.
    That's all taken care of.

    BUT

    if a girl likes me a lot
    and starts getting real nervous
    and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
    and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
    and she says things like,
    “Do you think it's going to rain?”
    and I say, “It beats me,”
    and she says, “Oh,”
    and looks a little sad
    at the clear blue California sky,
    I think : Thank God, it's you, baby, this time
    instead of me.

  • will glasspopcorn neibergall

    I am fourteen years old and I read Thought Catalog because like one in every fifty articles isn't some lame fluffy hipster bullshit. This is some 1/50 shit that may or may not have made me cry

  • http://queersssenca.blogspot.com/ Metkasimi

    people love in various ways. however, I feel just now how you felt when you wrote your poem, it hurts when you are with someone who is cold next to you.

  • Guest

    This one brought tears to my eyes, because like all of your posts, it hits so close to home.

  • http://loveklutz.yanadelacruz.com/2013/04/just-love-me-dammit/ Just Love Me, Dammit! | Love Klutz

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