Just Love Me, Dammit!

If you loved me, things would be different. I would be different. Maybe we would be at brunch right now snuggling in a corner booth and being like, “Oh my god, do you want the last bite? I don’t want it. Have it!” Or maybe we would be lying in bed on our computers and not talking to each other. The air would be thick with tension and you would be eating crackers in bed and getting crumbs EVERYWHERE. God! Who knows what we would be doing this morning. Not me because you don’t love me, remember?!

If you loved me, you would be a well-rounded person. Your skills would include but not be limited to: skiing, kayaking, Nutella eating, orgasm giving, being cute all the time, fitting into a size small in Rodarte, having good music taste and, oh yeah, loving me! You could even put it on your resume. “I’m very good at loving this person. I hope to apply this skill of loving to your awesome company.” If you loved me, maybe you would have an awesome job. Maybe everything would be awesome.

If you loved me, I wouldn’t have to hate you. I wouldn’t have to look at you and get angry for your inability to be content with just holding my hand. Come on, just do it. Just love me. It’s really not that hard. A few feisty comments here and there, a sense of humor and a nice butt is really all I need to keep me happy. But I guess this isn’t about me. It’s about you needing something different than what I can give you. This “thing’ is elusive and I hate it. If they were selling “the thing” that could make you love me forever, I would buy it in a heartbeat. I’d buy two just in case the other one ran out of batteries or something. I would do anything, which makes me hate myself and then you and then back to myself again.

If you loved me, you would fight with me. You would care enough to get enraged. Those months you stopped caring, those months you didn’t mind if I talked to a supermodel, that’s when I knew you had no more love for me. Me: “Hey babe, I’m getting this hot person’s number. Jealous?” You: “No.”

If you loved me, you would’ve let me experience something truly special. You would’ve showed me that I could be loved and that everything was going to be okay. You had the power to do that. You have the power to do that.

If you loved me, I would love you back. There. Uncomplicated. 2 + 2 = love. That’s what everyone wants, right? Uncomplicated “we’re on the same page” love? Well, it could’ve been us. But you didn’t want it. Or maybe you did but you couldn’t. That’s the worst, right? Wanting to love someone but realizing you can’t actually do it. Your brain, your heart, your dick just won’t let it happen. And you’re just left with having to break a lot of people’s hearts.

If you loved me, I wouldn’t have had to write this and be late to meet my friends for brunch. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Pretty In Pink

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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