The Embarrassing Things People Do On The Internet

Let’s face it, as amazing as the internet is, it also acts as our universal #dark place. It’s where we go when we want to lurk our exes, masturbate, and blackout shop. If our laptops could talk, they would probably tell us, “U R A GIANT FREAK WHO SHOULDN’T HAVE INTERNET ACCESS. GET OFF ME. I WANT A MORE NORMAL OWNER.” Luckily, we can keep our creepy internet behavior pretty hidden by deleting our prior history. By getting to erase any shameful activity, we wipe our virtual slates clean.

Unfortunately, I don’t do any of that because I’m a.} too lazy and b.} I feel like that would make me look so guilty. If I went on someone’s computer and noticed that they had no prior history available, I would think they were looking at kiddie porn or something. i would then immediately scream, close their computer, and run out of their house yelling “Fire!” So yeah, I realize this is my own fault if someone looks at my history and sees something embarrassing. And I have no doubt that they will. If someone were to view what I did on the web, they’d be seeing a very disturbing snapshot of my life—one filled with porn, inappropriate Google searches, shameful blogs, and an obscene amount of Facebook and Twitter. To give you a better idea of what I’m talking about, here’s a blurry watercolor of my internet history from the past three days: a girl I kind of know but not really’s blog, My Ex’s Facebook, My Ex’s Photo Albums, a porn website, hot Muscle Jock Rams Twink, Google search of “Thai Delivery in New York”, YouTube search of “The Olsen Twins talking”, Google search of “Is It Safe to drink with Ambien?” etc. You get the terrifying idea. Our internet life may as well be our double life. I get anxiety whenever I’m doing a Google search with one of my friends on my computer because I never know what might pop up before I finish typing something like “delivery.” Maybe “dildos”?

This battle of public versus private life on the internet is an interesting duality. On one hand, we use the internet in a very public way. We tweet pictures of our food, send work emails and talk with our friends. A lot of what we do is meant for public consumption. On the other, the internet is also used to indulge in our most private fantasies. People jumpstart affairs, look at fetish websites, Facebook chat with people they shouldn’t be talking to, find drugs, and adopt different personas altogether. We think of the internet as being the death of anonymity. You can know everything about someone in a matter of a few clicks because their entire life is on display. While this may be true, it can also be used for the opposite. You can have one tab open where you’re live tweeting your stupid boring dinner and another where you’re sending dirty pictures to someone under the name of “Jock Boi.” Just as the internet can reveal things about ourselves, it can also keep things hidden.

Whenever you’re in a shame spiral about your Secret Internet Behavior, just remember that someone somewhere is looking at videos of animal beastiality. That’s much more embarrassing than checking your ex’s Twitter ten times in one day, isn’t it? TC mark

image – Hackers

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • A.

    “YouTube search of “The Olsen Twins talking”” omg why am I laughing so hard at that? because I have done the same thing before? probably.

  • Amy Seder

    sdffsd

  • Amy Seder

    I was testing google linking. Embarassing…

  • http://twitter.com/no_cazador hunter ray

    my stalker tendencies actually kind of freak me the fuck out when I look at my history, which is the only reason I delete it. For my sanity's sake, not to protect myself from others. omg i'm a freak.

  • DARKSTAR

    When I forget to delete my history and my friend is using my computer, I always stand freakishly right next to them and monitor their every move.  Totally conspicuous, but I gotta make sure they don't see the crazy shit on my history.  God forbid one of my friends sees how many times I've googled tubgurl…

  • Nennynuna

    I was hanging out with a guy I had a huge crush on, he lost his keys so asked if he could use my iPhone to find the number for a taxi. He leaned in to watch me open up safari and the last website I had open was a crazy porn site. I played it off like I was really badass. Soon after he broke up with his girlfriend and went out with me instead.
    Internet history can work in your favor! Don't be shameful of who you are.

    • Nennynuna

      I just want to add that I opened up my safari right now to a google search of “volcano weed vaporizer” from 1am this morning. My phone knows how to party.

  • Tpm

    If I went on someone’s computer and noticed that they had no prior
    history available, I would think they were looking at kiddie porn or
    something. i would then immediately scream, close their computer, and
    run out of their house yelling “Fire!”

    hahaha, epic. I've loved this article, sooo true!

  • http://www.noahtourjee.com Noah Tourjee

    Smart & Real with Quirk. Ryan O'Connell much?

  • coffeeandinternets

    The internet itself isn't the death of anonymity — it's Mark Zuckerberg and his 'vision' of what the online landscape should be. Fuck that dude, seriously, and please someone take the wheel of my life vehicle so I can delete my facebook account and be the kind of person who backs up their words with action.

    Anyway, very fun read…and appropriate, as my other tab is opened to an ex's photo albums. Sunday shame spiral, guys!

  • xra

    chrome has incognito windows guys

    • http://twitter.com/crapface Hannah Foster.

      Sometimes I use incognito browsing to do inane internet browsing just because it makes me feel like a spy.

  • http://twitter.com/bpnjelly Brady Plunger

    This is why I thank God that I'm a mac person and I live in a house full of holier-than-thou PC people so my dirty internet secrets are fairly safe. Also I use Safari as my primary browser and usually people who barrow my computer use Firefox.

  • wy

    thanks for a synoposis of the following, very recent, book:
    http://www.amazon.com/Offensiv?tag=thougcatal0c-20

  • Ni

    i thought it said ten things?

  • Ken

    Good writing, however, I think writing a somewhat generic article about “The internet” and then posting it on the internet is just… incredibly… boring and pointless.

  • http://www.facebook.com/blanketboat Jessica Blankenship

    that just reminded me, i havent checked my ex's twitter all day. gotta go. thanks.

  • beatricekt

    Quirky but too generic, made me bawl in my seat though. Just so happened that somebody came in and saw my other tab: how to be horny? Honestly speaking, thought catalog is going to be the death of me

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