The Five Most Terrible Mothers Ever

The following five mothers do not deserve a Mother’s Day card. They deserve a visit from Child Services.

1. Annie Camden from Seventh Heaven


Even though Reverend Eric Camden was a notorious hardass, it was his wife, Annie, who ruled with an iron fist. Since she didn’t have to actually work, Annie made it her job to snoop around the house looking for something incriminating, and to become the savior for kids who came from “broken homes” even though they would often tell her, “It’s really NBD, Mrs. Camden. I promise you my mom is not beating me just because we live in an apartment complex.”  But she wouldn’t believe it. If someone didn’t give birth to 7.5 children (one of whom was inexplicably biracial), have a dog named Happy and go to church, they were seen as troubled heathens who were in desperate need of her guidance. Besides being incredibly nosy and annoying, she also had rage issues, which I’m guessing largely stem from her decision to have twins at the age of 45.

2. Dina Lohan


I wonder if Dina Lohan ever wakes up (in the house that Lindsay’s Freaky Friday money bought her) and thinks to herself, “Oops. I kind of messed up on the whole “being a mom” thing.” After all, you don’t get to be like Lindsay Lohan without getting a little bit of help. Her father, Michael Lohan, may be an infamous embarrassment, but Dina’s partying and constant enabling is also partially to blame for Lindsay’s downfall. You also know things are pretty bad when Dina Lohan is the lesser of two parenting evils. I bet in the good ol’ days, her and Lindsay used to go out to clubs together and Dina would instruct her daughter to say, “Remember baby. If anyone asks, I’m your sister. Not your mommy!” And then they would finish a line of cocaine in the bathroom and saunter off into the Bad Idea sunset together.

3. Faye Dunaway’s interpretation of Joan Crawford’s parenting style in Mommie Dearest


Although Christina Crawford painted an unflattering portrat of her screen queen mother, Joan Crawford, in her memoir Mommie Dearest, Faye Dunaway took it to new heights when it was adapted into a movie. Besides having major disdain for wire hangers, Joan Crawford apparently also hated her children, being a mom, the Hollywood studio system, and when her husbands would leave her for someone who was less insane. Since Christina was disinherited and cut from her mother’s will, we hope the book brought in lots of money so she can pay for some counseling.

4. Roseanne


I debated whether or not to include Roseanne mostly because the show is so awesome and I believe that she did genuinely care about her kids. But then I re-watched a few episodes and remembered that she was super manipulative, judgmental, and, for lack of a better word, a total bitch to her kids sometimes. So no Mother’s Day card for you, Roseanne. Somewhere Darlene, your lesbian daughter, is crying in the fetal position because of the mean things you said to her when she was eight.

5. Jackie Taylor from Beverly Hills, 90210


In season one of Beverly Hills 90210, Jackie Taylor portrayed the ultimate bad mother to queen bee Kelly. She liked to lounge in age-inappropriate bikinis while collecting child support checks, hang out with questionable women named Babette, and do a TON of blow. Yup, that’s right. Jackie and coke were really close. You could almost say it was like a second daughter to her. Things came to a head, however, when Jackie hosted the Beverly Hills High mother-daughter fashion show visibly coked out of her mind. She immediately went to rehab though and became a Good Mom for the rest of the show. Good for Kelly Taylor, bad for viewers’ entertainment. TC mark

image – Mommie Dearest

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Ashley

    Dina Lohan thinks she's a great mom, she showed up at my job once and people asked her how the kids were, and all she could do was rant and rave about how fabulous they are*~*~ SRY DINA YOU'RE CREEPY AS FUCK

  • http://twitter.com/suntwee Mariesa Samba

    Wait, which is the inexplicably biracial child?

    • Sarah

      Wasn't the chick who played Ruthie half Native American? I think that's the one Ryan means. If not, I have no idea.

  • TammyVo

    Where's Medea? Seriously?

  • deecie

    also, don't forget the crazy bitch mom from Flowers in The Attic who would poison her kids and then bury them in the woods?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    This made me sad.

  • DL

    Ruthie: so inexplicably biracial! WTF?

  • http://profiles.google.com/knitxcore Robert Dulaney

    why isn't my mother on this list? she threw a box of cookies at my face when i was in sixth grade.

  • http://twitter.com/sjrosenfeld0 SJ Rosenfeld

    Where's Mrs. Robinson?

  • Joyce56

    Well without mentioning names, everyone has skeltons in their closet and every single or supposed to be in a partnership with someone has made some very bad choices. You can allow yourself to feel bad for a very short time, then it is time to make amends. After that if it doesn't work out with your children at least you did your best. Stop being so judgemental of other mother's circumstances. You don't know what is up the road for you!

    • idk

      are you on the right website?

    • Scarlett

      These aren't real people (including Dina Lohan).

  • goldinmyhead

    Just as a side note, I would totally fuck Eric Camden. Just saying.

  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Roseanne only got so bad in the last few seasons when the writing went off the rails.

    Also, where is Susan Smith on this list?

  • guest

    roseanne totally doesn't deserve to be on this list..

  • Will

    A very obvious terrible mother is missing from this list.

    ….NANCY BOTWIN

  • savagegirl

    I know many people of both genders and all ages with REAL mothers who did worse than throw a box of cookies, truly toxic and manipulative beasts that top these ladies anyday. Mine could be a contender if it all was anybody's business or even possible to explain the layers of slights, redacted histories, revisions and innapropriate confidences to a 12 year old. Combine that with a complete discrediting of the oldest child-the only one old enough to remember the truth.

  • http://25singlewhitefemale.wordpress.com/ 25 Single White Female

    Is it strange that one of my favorite movies when I was little was Mommy Dearest? Possibly, but I make no apologies. I would also like to point out that most 90s TV moms sucked…see My So Called Life and Buff the Vampire Slayers. Those are mom's I want to hurt.

  • http://profiles.google.com/sarahebrandon Sarah Brandon

    sdfwdsvsa

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/5-easy-steps-to-being-an-adult/ 5 Easy Steps To Being An Adult | Thought Catalog

    […] in front of an audience? Don’t they realize how awful they look? Unless your parents were Mommie Dearest and Robert Deniro in This Boy’s Life, always treat them with a modicum of […]

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