Thought Catalog

Texts And Emails From My Mom

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Ever since I wrote an article about my mom not knowing how to text message, she has been flooding my inbox with daily affirmations and random updates. They are the following:

i’m so proud of u!!!!!

This was sent at 7:30 a.m. and I’m not sure what prompted it but it made me happy. My mom makes me happy.

Here’s another text that she sent me at 5:30 a.m. I really don’t know what my mother was doing up at such an ungodly hour but it’s apparently when she’s feeling the most creative and adventurous.

goingto be a beaut iful day in eureka today. i have to get new curtains attarget. what are u doingg?”

My mom clearly lost a battle with the space bar with this message. Moms sort of  type like Courtney Love, no? I don’t understand the double ‘g’ on “doing” though. Doesn’t that require double the effort?

Here’s one that she sent me at 11 p.m. after I didn’t answer one of her phone calls.

mom

She usually sends me a “callmom” but I guess she got lazy, confused, or just fell asleep. After all, it was three hours past her bedtime. Sometimes she’ll just page me with her number like we’re living la vida 1995. I can’t really blame her for that one. I used to page her four times a day in middle school.

On the rare occasion that my mother will email me, it will be to send me chain letters, cute pictures of dogs, or to tell me how much she loved an article I wrote about having a one night stand. Seriously. She sent me the following email after falling into a Thought Catalog K-Hole with my writing.

your writing is getting better and better. I read your posts for last week they were great. Especially the one night stand And the one on Queer family. Its very interesting the dialog you get going between people. If it wasn’t thought provoking there wouldn’t be a dialog and that’s what its all about. Right?

I can’t believe my mom referenced an article I wrote about having a one night stand. We don’t usually talk about the fact that I essentially write about anal sex and colonics for a living. She’s not like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls. She’s a regular mom, not a cool mom. She wears mom jeans, worries excessively about things like weather and food, and farts in public without shame.

Do you ever wonder what technology we’re not going to understand when we become our parents age? Like, are our kids going to be coming home with cell phones the size of pennies that we won’t know how to operate? God, not getting “it” is sort of my worst fear. Watch me type “dad” when I’m 56 and too tired to make actual sense. Maybe my child will be a snarky blogger by then and make fun of me on the internet too. KARMA POLICE. TC mark

image – Mean Girls

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    • Orlando

      :)

    • klaus

      dads

    • JEAmaty

      My mom abbreviates every word over four letters in her text messages.  It still takes her five minutes to type one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      heavy stuff

    • chris
    • http://twitter.com/lilennox Lindsay Lennox

      Could you please ask your mom to join Twitter? Her 5:30 am texts would make a great twitterstream, even better than http://twitter.com/oldmansearc… (the grandfather who believes twitter is a search engine).

    • Tom

      won't she read this?

    • StyleForGuys

      My mom gets it! She's 61 and texts me stuff like “Stromae got remixed by Kanye West!” or “Read that one article about fashion blogging on p. 16 of  the so-and-so newspaper” at 8AM. My mom is awesome :-).

    • Taylor

      Very funny thought, I laughed and smiled.  Great tone and flow, I like how you poked fun at a light subject and kept your tone completely devoid of cynicism, so many things I read lately concerning technology are so downright gloomy.   Reading this was a nice addition to my otherwise uneventful Friday.

    • http://twitter.com/bleedingmadras Grant Sorenson

      My mom formats texts like formal letters. For example:

      Grant,

      Isn't it dark out?

      Love,
      Mom

      So many things are wrong with that text.

    • http://melissajclark.ca/blog Melissa Jean Clark

      My mom doesn't text much, but I love my dad's texts. His most recent text: “You go girl :D”

    • http://givemeajobplease.tumblr.com Amanda

      cute! my dad thinks “lol” means “lots of love”

      • Leah

        my mom thinks that too!

    • wrpwpo
    • guest

      this is great :)

    • Catt

      I almost never laugh out loud at something I read. But this… this made me chuckle.

    • Joe

      This guy consistently writes the most boring articles. Give it a rest dude.

      • Your Mom

        Umm Ryan O'Connell is why I come to the Thought Catalog.  Pleas return to this site when you obtain a sense of humor.  kthxbai

    • bear

      a text conversation between my mother/myself:

      mom: ikea
      me: thank you?
      mom: it is a storre
      me: yes, it is
      mom: we are there rightnow
      me: ok. have fun?
      mom: dont worry we ar enot purchasing anything
      mom: have togo cannot walk and typpe at same time feel dizzy now will call latr

      • guest

        loled so. hard.

    • guest

      With my mom it's like

      'MOM I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FIVE MONTHS PUT THE BLACKBERRY DOWN'
      'HUSH NOW HONEY, MOMMY HAS TO TWEET'

    • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

      Ryan I have a point about the timing of new articles.

      On weekdays there are sometimes too many. The earlier ones can quickly go to page 3 so will be missed by people who visit your site quite regularly but just for ten minutes or so. I think this especially disadvantaged Jimmy Chen's lovely article about his father's penis.  Then at the weekend it stays the same for ages and the commenters get bored and start fighting amongst themselves.

      Not sure what the best solution would be, but maybe timing a few for release over the weekend or a popularity thing if it doesn't make your guys too bitchy.

    • Sara

      my mum hasnt got a mobile. however when she calls mine she will speak in a whisper like she's talking in the closet and  leave a message that goes something like this
      'saara…. its maa…. where are you………? …………will you be home soon? can you………….. stop off at safeway……… and buy some bread and milk. please dont buy the cheap milk they put chemicals in it………..
      ok………..
      ummm…….. ook…..
      call me back…….
      love you'
      usually the messages vary from 3-5mins long. i usually just delete and call her back.
      fun times.

    • http://twitter.com/alymontero Aly

      This cracked me up. It's even funnier when the texts are in Spanish.. you'll have to take my word for it.

    • erin pea

      J'ADORE

    • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

      I'm 24 and I already don't get it. Too much networking and up-to-dateness, too fast paced for me. I'm going HDT style into the woods.

    • mymbeb
    • Jordan

      we tried for years to get my grandmother to learn how to use a cell phone. she could only handle a basic, b&w screen nokia pay-as-you-go phone. the thing is, she would only turn it on to make a call, and then turn it immediately off afterwards…. there are no words.

      • Grace

        It took my dad and I five years to convince my mum that her phone wouldn't run out battery if she left it on for more than 20 minutes. She is still thinks that it cost to receive text messages, can't understand predictive text so it takes her up to 20 minutes to write a basic 'Hi Grace, how are you? Love Mum. xxx'. She has had a mobile for almost 10 years…

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