Just Hate Me, Dammit!

If you hated me, I would feel a sense of relief. I would feel like this could finally all end and I wouldn’t have to ignore your phone calls anymore or come up with reasons to never come to your apartment. You’ve treated me like a queen and I’ve thought of you as a serf. You don’t seem to mind though, which infuriates and perplexes me even more.

If you hated me, you would be a happier person. You would stand up for yourself, break the cycle of abuse, and move on to someone who could really love you. What are you doing with me? I’m a mistake! Run, don’t walk, to your next boyfriend. Please. I’m begging you. Just leave me.

If you hated me, you could love yourself. You could be like “You know who I hate? People who treat me like complete shit,” and I would never feel so glad to hear that someone hates me. Hating me is the first step to loving you.

If you hated me, I could finally stop thinking of ways to make you feel bad. I could finally stop blowing you off via text being like “I’m so busy tonight. I have so many math problems to do…” and feeling guilty and icky but also feeling like I dodged a bullet. It’s super hard to ignore someone in 2011. You have to be a creative genius and a great liar to get out of a hang out session. Since we’ve started dating, I’ve supposedly been swamped with work, been sick with strep throat two times, and have had three gnarly cases of food poisoning. You don’t seem mind me being a complete psycho. Maybe if I started to treat you with an ounce of respect, you’d lose complete interest. Hmm, that’s a good idea.

If you hated me, my faith in humanity would be restored. I would start to believe that everyone is in healthy relationships where there are no inequities. Sweet people gravitate towards other sweet people. No one has a sad relationship pattern. No one falls for the asshole because, hello, they’re an asshole. In a perfect world, jerks are stuck living alone in Jerkville as complete social pariahs. In the real world, however, jerks live on I’m So Popular Avenue and get laid constantly. What’s wrong with us? Let’s get it together people! Vote No on Jerks.

If you hated me, you could avoid so much future heartache because if you stay with me any longer, I will just start throwing things at your head. I will pants you in public. I will never give you head. I’ll continue to test the limits to see if you have a breaking point. What do I have to do in order for you to hate my guts and dump me? Because I will do it. I will do it times ten and hate myself and hate you and hate everything.

If you hated me, I could stop hating myself. I could stop wondering how I could ever treat someone the way I treat you. I could stop living in perpetual disgust about the things I’ve said and done. I guess we all have the potential to be the ugly one. We all have the potential to become who we despise in relationships. We just need the right (or wrong) person to bring it out of us. It’s sitting there dormant until someone passive comes along and gives it CPR. And then it’s alive. It’s breathing and it’s evil and it’s shocking. Get it off me.

If you hated me, I wouldn’t have had to write this stupid thing while ignoring your text messages. TC mark

image – Sex and the City

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • sidebar

    super subtle

  • Hanchan

    dude just break up with her. jesus.

    • To


  • cecile

    but if i hate you then who's gonna take up the role of emotional-abusive-boyfriend in my life..? ):

  • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock


  • antimyrmidon

    really nice foil to the “Just Love Me, Dammit!” piece. I probably relate more to this one, and I guess I even felt a little repulsion while reading the first perspective last night, at the neediness, at my own inability to feel sympathy for someone so vulnerable. Thanks Ryan!

  • Blingo

    Yeah, all the responsibility lies with the other person, not you.  Perfect encapsulation of what is wrong with 20-somethings today.  Man up, asshole.

    • Ryan O'Connell

      i thought i accurately conveyed my self-disgust in this piece but i guess not! to make things clear: THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. ok bye beb!

      • Steve the Cat

        So, as a genuine question, why can't you dump him?

      • Ryan O'Connell

        because relationships are complicated.

      • Ryan O'Connell

        also this “relationship” is not happening now. it occurred forever ago. HINDSIGHTTTT.

      • Amanda Domurad

        Amen. This resonates with me 100%.

      • Guest

        I think the real question is why you seem to think self-loathing is a stand-in for taking action. You're giving the impression that it's okay to treat someone callously as long as you feel bad about it. It's even worse that you know you're being careless, but you don't seem to have the guts to tell this person that you're never going to be able to care about them the way that they seem to care about you.

  • saritapatrice


  • EDeHoyos

    This post reminded me of my more recent ex and “just love me, dammit!” reminds me of me. Great contrast…and totally true.

  • Howstrangetobeanythingatall


  • http://twitter.com/i9M Michael B

    So you haven't read Aristotle's Ethics where he discusses unequal friendships?

  • douchegirl

    I was in one of these. Of course, I was the needER and not the needEE. Either way, great one.

  • Vik

    Very clever

  • Cdawg

    I can't tell from reading this if you've directly told this person that you're just not interested. If so, then I completely relate in that there are people who get rejected but it simply goes in one ear and out the other. And they perpetuate this pitiful neediness. I had to send a scathing email to such a person just this afternoon.
    If, however, you've just brushed this person off countless times
    and failed to tell them you're not interested..then you my friend are to blame for this and are a a non confrontational fool seeking an ego boost and inspiration for your next article (this one)

  • Marthabuca

    Ryan oh Ryan, once again you are the reason why I read this. It has been a while since I could relate so much to someone's writing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1194240045 Nora Fairchild

    this hits deliciously close to home. i've been on both sides.

    i feel sorry for your boyfriend, though. what an awfully public way to out his spinelessness.

    • Ryan O'Connell

      honey this relationship happened years ago. you think i would rly live blog our issues?!

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