How To Love Yourself

Since I’ve already told you how to hate yourself, it’s only fair that I tell you how to do the opposite.

There seems to be an unfair stigma attached to loving yourself. People write you off as conceited and stuck-up. God forbid you like who you are, you egomaniac! So before we dive into self-love, let me explain to you what it isn’t first.

Loving yourself doesn’t mean projecting an overwhelming sense of superiority. You know you’re awesome and you don’t need your license plate to say # 1 PRINCESS to prove it. You don’t need your Myspace page to say “LOVE ME OR HATE. I’M A BITCH. AND IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT, GET OUT.” or if you’re a dude, “I’M THE MOTHERF%%$ING KING. BOW DOWN 2 ME!” All of the people who walk around proclaiming they are a precious gift and deserve to be treated like a queen are usually in reality, insecure, delusional, and kind of mean. Loving yourself doesn’t translate to thinking you’re better than everyone else. People who are actually comfortable in their own skin don’t need to shout it from the mountaintops. It’s just evident in their day-to-day decision making. For example:

You: You know what band I actually really like?
Diva friend: What?
You: Los Lonely Boys! They’re awesome.
Diva friend: Are you kidding me? They’re awful! How could you ever listen to that crap?!
You: Because I like them….
Diva friend: Oh.

Your diva friend was shut down by your conviction! They tried to make you feel bad about what you liked and you weren’t having it. In order to love yourself, you need to stand by everything you do. There’s no such thing as a guilty pleasure because if you enjoy it, it’s just pleasurable period. Don’t ever make apologies for the things that make you happy (unless it’s heroin or an abusive relationship). Have confidence in your decisions.

The quickest way to find out if you truly love yourself is to examine your relationships. I’ve known plenty of people who have high self-esteem and still manage to fall for people who will treat them like crap. It’s a giant “WTF?” about their personality. How could someone be a certain way in every facet of their life, and then act completely contrary when they get in a relationship? We’ve all done it. We’ve all disrespected ourselves for the person we “love.” We’ve all found ourselves going against everything we believe in for some sex and an “I love you” from someone who doesn’t even know what that means. When seeking the love of someone else, we often forget to love ourselves.

There needs to be a foundation of self-respect. The kind of foundation that allows you to look in the mirror without feeling like a hippo and listen to a band like Los Lonely Boys without shame. As long as you have that base level of self-love, you can survive the missteps, the assholes, the bad friends. Because at the end of day, you like yourself. You think you’re good company. You go to lunch by yourself, catch the occasional movie all by your lonesome, and are content in spending a solo star night in. You would hang out with you. Sure. Why not?

None of this simple. None of this is easy. You will betray yourself and your ideals at some point. But the key to recovery is to always know you want the best for yourself. As the wise Beyoncé once said, “It’s me, myself, and I, that’s all I got in the end.” TC mark

image – Funny or Die

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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  • http://twitter.com/snosk snosk

    Ryan O'Connell you just seem to get it. Maddd respect.

  • http://twitter.com/ohwellywell Gee Perida

    This made me feel good.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock

    I listen to that song all the time.

  • Niv

    I wish I could make all the narcissistic wackos on facebook read this

  • http://www.noahtourjee.com Noah Tourjee

    Epilogue: Eat sundaes and frozen hot chocolate at the Chocolate Bar as much as possible.

  • Roya

    Just when I thought this couldn't get any better, you quoted Beyonce… Ryan O' Connell, you are too good.

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    I like Los Lonely Boys, what I've heard.

  • Molly


    Don’t ever make apologies for the things that make you happy.” Most potent line for me. This is so re-affirming. Kudos.

  • Aaa

    it's ok to acknowledge that los lonely boys, etc. objectively blow though

    you run the risk of looking humorless otherwise

  • http://nowisnottherhyme.net Miles

    This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. It confirmed that I do in fact love myself. There were so many people questioning if I did which made me start to question if I did. All the while I KNEW for a fact that I did. And this helps confirm it. Thank you. <3

  • http://profiles.google.com/ctrumonster caitlin stewart

    if only i could master conviction

  • kharlamovaa

    My favourite quote from “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand (which actually taught me quite a bit about self-love) is “To say 'I love you” first you need to know how to say the 'I'”. It's stuck with me for a long time.

  • Anonymous

    thanks ryan :). I really needed this and the affirmation that I do love myself :)

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