Dear Gay Dude: I Think I Might Be Gay

Dear Gay Dude,

I’m a straight dude who has been curious for quite a while about hooking up with a gay dude. However, I want said gay dude to be sweet, and I’d like to get to know him first. What should straight-until-now dudes know about meeting and subsequently trying to take gay dudes out on dates? We are sketched out by Craigslist and would prefer to avoid it.

Yours,
A (sort-of) Straight Dude

Hello (sort of) Straight Dude,

Let me first congratulate you on having the courage to act on your bi-curiousity! I realize that it takes major balls to switch from white to dark meat so the fact that you’re willing to take a dip in the gay pool is a major achievement.

So now you want to know how to date gay dudes? You want to know how to wine and dine us in some dimly lit cafe while discussing the virtues of Bethenny Frankel? Gee, me too! So let’s tease this mystery apart together, shall we?

First off, your assertion about Craigslist is correct. You definitely shouldn’t be making an ad on there that says “bi-curious dude is looking for nice sweet guy to take to dinner and maybe walk on the beach afterwards. Must like to cuddle!” Not only will your inbox start seizing from the amount of responses but you will be bombarded with 8,000 pictures of penises and people being like, “hey qt. where u at? wanna go “skiing?” I can host!” Yeah, Craigslist is pretty #dark. People don’t use it for dates so much as a one-night-stand buffet. So stay away.

I’ll be real with you though. Finding a nice sweet gay guy to take on a date can be kind of hard simply because everyone wants that. Whether you’re gay or straight, dating is hard and finding someone you connect with is hard. Why do you think there’s a whole self-help section dedicated to finding a “nice guy?” People can’t find it!

Why don’t you start off slow and just go to a gay bar? Have you done that before? Some of them can be pretty awesome and attract a nice stable of gay men. Word to the wise though: Don’t tell anyone that you’re bi-curious and “have never done this before.” Some boys will try to take you home just so they can be the first and it won’t be cute. I mean, I’ve never done that before but I’ve heard…..

Or you could do something really real and go on OkCupid. Honestly, that would be a good option for you because you can screen all of your options carefully and increase your chances of finding a sweetheart babe.  You know, I’m sort of obsessed with the fact that you want to get to know a boy first and take it slow. It shows that you’re kind of in it for the real deal and not just another bored straight dude trying to toy with our emotions.

I also am wondering if you have any gay friends and if you’ve told them about your feelings. If you do, you should let them guide you into the perilous world of gay dating.  Just remember this: always wear a helmet/condom. Good luck to you, babe and I hope you find a cute nice gay boy who will treat you right. And if the said gay boy happens to have a gay twin brother, send him over to Thought Catalog ASAP.

Love,

Gay Dude TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://twitter.com/henryevil andrew

    Dating sites are a pretty good way for bi-curious guys to test the waters. It's not as sketchy/anonymous as craigslist and profiles will generally give you a good read on someone's personality.

    Alternatively: call me.

    • SOSD

      The issue there: everyone knows people who use these sites now and there's a chicken-and-egg problem – I want to test the waters to make sure I actually enjoy spending time with men like this before going through all of the work of coming out, but how do you use a popular dating site without getting spotted? I suppose you could make the profile ambiguous and keep the hitting-on-dudes to messages.

      • http://twitter.com/henryevil andrew

        Okcupid has a pseudo safety measure, they let you lock your profile so that only members can view it. But otherwise you'd probably just have to go without uploading pictures, or obscure your face in some way and wait until you make a genuine connection with a guy to show him your face (should you feel comfortable doing that).

        Or, you could make a profile as normal, identify yourself and straight and explain your situation to guys you message. That's happened with me a few times and I've never really had a problem with it.

      • Sarah W.

        You can make your profile so that only other guys looking for guys can see it.

      • Ryan O'Connell

        omg beb did i fail you?

      • Michael

        I do know that on OKcupid you can make your profile available only to men looking for men. Chances are, your family and (straight) friends aren't going to be cruising OKcupid for guys.

      • Bear

        I'm not sure this will actually work. I have my okc profile set as looking for anybody, and I get quiver matched to gay guys sometimes too (and I happen to be female so idk what drugs okc is smoking).

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    sweet

  • 790FM

    it's hard enough without the semi-straight guys jumping ship, now how am I supposed to find a level headed man to wine and dine!? sheesh

  • http://profiles.google.com/mcblaloc Meghan Blalock

    Awww. This is sweet.

  • yosoyrichie

    i'm just curious, how do straight guys suddenly think they're gay? i mean i've known it since i was like 12 and i'm sure closet gays do as well they just don't want to admit it. did you by any way got into some bait bus/ joking of course

    • SOSD

      Hey, I sent in this question originally – it's not a sudden thing and I didn't suddenly wake up one day all, “Hey, what the… I've been recruited!” I've just always found guys attractive along with girls, and want to explore the gay person-to-person relationship as well as the… well, y'know.

      • Camp17

        you should man… if just to see what it's like.  Wish i could help you.

  • http://someharddrugs.blogspot.com Carolyn DeCarlo

    oh, this is really cute :)

  • annefrank

    ryan i think you are great!  this post makes me feel good, and i'm a straight ass female.

  • Mzephyr84

    Are you smart and cute….?I'm openA straight/curious guy.

    • Camp17

      me too man.  we should talk. ;)

  • judethedude

    SOSD, I'm in the same boat! I've found it best to start dating someone in the same or similar situation. That way you're on the same page and have a topic to discuss right off the bat! Call me….

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