5 Celebrities Who Would’ve Been Perfect For The Internet

1. Andy Warhol

Andy Warhol was sort of living la vida Internet before it even existed. I mean, didn’t he predict it or something? It would make sense considering he laid the foundation for this “15 minutes of fame” tabloid culture we live in today. He loved plucking someone from obscurity and making them famous for no reason. All of his Factory films were pretty much reality shows i.e. improvised fragments of “real” life.

Andy would’ve ruled supreme on the web. He would’ve beat Kim Kardashian in Twitter followers, and a tweet as simple as “i like oranges” would’ve gotten, like, a thousand retweets. He would love Twitpics. There’d be photos of Viva slumped over in the corner of the Factory in a heroin daze with the caption: “viva goes zzzzz.” His Facebook fan page would have so many “like”s but the comments would be terrible. “Andy is the worst. I wish he would just die!” or “he’s sO UGlY N siCk ewwww. whatAfAG!” When he was shot by Valerie Solanas though, there would’ve been an outpour of digital love. Fans would write, “Hang in there, Andy!” and “Say hi to Edie in heaven for me…” And like the freak that he is, he would’ve tweeted from his hospital bed something like, “someone shot me today and it was brilliant….” Ugh, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe Andy would’ve just had the most annoying internet presence in the world.

2. Edie Sedgwick

If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that we should never give an unstable narcissist a Wifi connection. But if Edie had been around when the internet was invented, she would’ve been obsessed with it. Andy Warhol may not have even played a pivotal role in her career because she just could’ve risen to fame like any other It Girl: by being excessively photographed and starting her own fashion blog. Hers would be called something like “Riches To Rags”, and it would probably be hosted on Blogspot rather than Tumblr. Everyone would adore her kooky irreverent style and she would have had a column in the 1960’s version of Nylon in a second. A sample column would be called “Shopping With Edie: How To Make A D.I.Y. Heroin Kit In The Cleaning Aisle At Walgreens!” When Andy and her had that huge falling out, you just know Edie would’ve taken to her Twitter to talk shit. “Looks like @DANDYANDY has replaced with me some lifeless hag named Stardust. TTYL. Barbituates are calling me…” Edie would’ve been like Lindsay Lohan on the internet—a terrifying psycho.

3. Marie Antoinette

If you were put in charge of a country when you were a teenager and married off to a closeted king, what would you do? Ignore all of your responsibilities and spend all day on the internet, duh! Marie Antoinette would totally be posting pics of her decadent parties while her impoverished servants would tweet at her, “WTF? I can’t eat and you just threw a birthday party for your horse? Fuck you!” When the whole “let them eat cake” fiasco occurred, Marie Antoinette would’ve released a statement on her Twitter that said something like, “i srsly didn’t say that. but now that u mention it, i could go for some strawberry shortcake right now…” Who could blame her for being the # 1 internet diva? She never got laid because her husband was dry humping his train collection so all she really had was couture, sweets, and the occasional affair. Get it, girl.


Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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  • setecq

    Why did you use 2 pages for a 5-item listicle? The internet stretches way down there, guys.

    • setecq

      Also your paid content box told me that Tamera Mowry is both alive and just got married. Thanks.

  • http://twitter.com/rhodeislander rhodeislander

    The Marquis De Sade belongs here amongst the goatses.

  • eceismen

    Oscar Wilde would WIN the whole Internet in a week.

    • Aelya

      Oscar Wilde wins at everything

  • http://twitter.com/missemmamm Mary

    I freakin loved this. My favorite part was “um, it says in your OkCupid bio, “I love having sex with men.”. I definitely think that Andy would have loved the net & sort of predicted it, this is the quote where I think that he did so, “I’m the type who’d be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn’t going to. I’m the type who’d like to sit home and watch every party that I’m invited to on a monitor in my bedroom.”

  • http://twitter.com/hallithbates hallithbates

    Also, Mark Twain would have been awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Twitter eh

  • obsessions

    all of these are perfect (except I don't know #4)

  • http://twitter.com/AshleyCanVogue Ashley W.

    These are funny but the Marie Antoinette one is annoying simply because the “let them eat cake” comment is notoriously misinterpreted and the result is a shallow description of her hypothetical internet presence. I fully agree that she'd be awesome on the internet but there are other (more solid) reasons. The others are quite thoughtful though.

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