Inspired by this genius blog post that examines the differences between being a 21-year-old and a 23-year-old, I’ve decided to take it a step further by analyzing your teenage self versus your 20-something self.
Teenage self: I’m rich! My parents just gave me twenty bucks to go out with my friends. That means I can afford a movie, a soft drink, and some candy! Must spend immediately. Burning a hole in my pocket. I love money!
20-something self: I hate money. Why does it cost so much money to simply exist? Why I can’t afford an iced mocha and some Sour Patch Kids? I really don’t ask for much. No one told me life was going to be this expensive. No one told me that if I get sick, I must pay insurance companies thousands of dollars. What’s more expensive? Cancer or a Birkin? WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Teenage self: I love to hate myself. I wish I was born with a better body. If I had a better clavicle bone, maybe the opposite sex would notice me!
20-something self: I’m a pretty dope person. Why doesn’t anyone realize that?
Teenage self: I have amazing sex. I love sex. I do weird kinky things like 69 and stuff. Can I talk more about my sex life? I’m just so excited!
20-something self: Ugh, I don’t want to have sex with you. But okay.
Teenage self: I get crazy wasted. Can I have another wine cooler?
20-something self: I pretend to get hungover after drinking one beer. I’m just so…old.
Teenage self: I’ve smoked pot a few times and I think I’m addicted…
20-something self: Drugs are cool to do on Saturdays. And maybe Wednesdays. And maybe…wait, I’m conflicted about drugs.
Teenage self: I’ve been in love once. I don’t think they knew I existed though.
20-something self: Love’s a necessary bitch.
Teenage self: Hate.
20-something self: Love.
Teenage self: Can’t wait to go. It’ll change my life!
20-something self: So. Much. Money.
Excuse to stay in
Teenage self: I have to finish my reading journal for King Lear.
20-something self: I’d rather wash my hair and watch Top Chef.
Teenage self: This bracelet would look good with this necklace. And this necklace would look good with this headband. And this headband would look good with some wacky earrings!
20-something self: Messy meets sophistication meets go fuck yourself. Looking 12 and 80 years old all at the same time.
Fights with friends
Teenage self: I hate you today because I’m bored!
20-something self: I’m beginning to realize that I don’t like who you are as a person.
Teenage self: ?
20-something self: ?