Things You Shouldn’t Care About

You shouldn’t care about pop culture to an excessive degree. Read the tabloids, have your opinions, but don’t feel outraged by Natalie Portman’s use of a body double in Black Swan, and don’t say things like, “Angelina would do something evil like that. After what she did to Jen Aniston, who can trust her?” Please don’t ever care about Heidi and Spencer from The Hills. Maintain a healthy distance. Read your blogs, laugh to yourself, feel touched at appropriate moments, Google “Mary-Kate Olsen on drugs” and call it a day. Don’t write mean comments about the girl in Best Coast because it makes you look totally insane.

You shouldn’t care about the weather too much. Yes, it’s cold. Yes, it’s hot. Yes, it’s crisp/foggy/muggy/dewy/humid/beautiful/ugly out. If you get seasonal depression, move to California and no longer have seasonal depression. Presto. Fixed. Bye.

You shouldn’t care about someone who doesn’t care about you. This is actually really hard to do. You can care about someone who once loved you. That’s fine. But don’t care about your next door neighbor who has neglected to water their flowers. Don’t care about the woman at the post office who was curt to you. Don’t care about the butcher at the grocery store who cheated you out of some meat. Sh-sh-shake it off.

Don’t care about what your ex-best friend is doing. They’re probably making you into a voodoo doll and having a seance. They’re probably spreading rumors about the STD you  acquired in Cancun. They’re probably spamming your Facebook wall with pictures of Cisco Adler’s donkey balls. (They’re probably not doing any of these things, you paranoid freak!).

Don’t care about drugs too much because they don’t give a flying fuck about you. Drugs are like Regina George from Mean Girls. They fill you up with fake compliments (“Oh my god, you’re so pretty. You’re so confident and cool!”) and then they end up screwing you over completely.  When you’re going through your contacts feverishly  looking for a dealer, drugs are just sitting back and laughing at you. Drugs are just such assholes. Fuck them before they fuck you.

Don’t care about Mischa Barton. Just kidding. Always care about Mischa!

Don’t care about your crush not texting you back. Someone else will want to sleep with you and love you and text you and baby you and make you feel like a million dollars. Don’t care about the things you’re not getting. Care about the things you have. (After school special.com).

Don’t care too much about the Internet. This is sort of impossible though because the Internet is like the modern-day Jesus Christ. It gives us warm sweet kisses and cold harsh slaps in the face. It is the virtual light at the end of our IRL tunnel. Ew…

Don’t care about the Alexander Wang dress you can’t afford. It will be replicated for cheaper at Forever 21 in two seconds.

Don’t care about the things that will make you feel like shit and the things you cannot change. This can make you a masochist. At the same time, don’t feel guilty for caring about things you shouldn’t care about. Wait, I know that sounds confusing. Care about your ex-boyfriend, Angelina Jolie, an outfit you can’t afford. Dedicate a moment to caring. Drown in it. Soak in it. Live in it. Care some more. And then be done with it. Bye. Bye bye, caring. Hello, perspective and happiness! TC mark

image – The Hills

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1663931458 Harley Quinn

    i actually liked this one, as i'm someone who cares too much about of what others may think; this was interesting.

  • http://twitter.com/sandraaa_xo Sandra NB

    Everyone needs these little pick me ups.

  • http://profiles.google.com/psychedelicmatthew Matt Schultz

    apathy vs. sensitivity. hmmmm.

  • http://byebyebitters.wordpress.com/ Helena

    I love this. Well done.

  • Jennifer Osagie

    this totally resonated with me. so unexpected, but pretty delightful nonetheless.

    my favorite line? “the Internet is like the modern-day Jesus Christ. It gives us warm sweet kisses and cold harsh slaps in the face. It is the virtual light at the end of our IRL tunnel. Ew…”

    brilliant.

  • http://twitter.com/srslydrew Andrew F.

    This article feels goood.

  • http://wifelysteps.com Toni

    Great way to kick of the weekend. Thanks for the inspiration.

  • Nray12

    I liked everything else, but wasn't a fan of this compliment: “If you get seasonal depression, move to California and no longer have seasonal depression. Presto. Fixed. Bye.” You make depression sound like something that can be easily fixed, when it's not and can really affect someone's life. I'm not mad, I just wanted to make sure you know depression, seasonal depression too, can't be fixed that easily.

  • alice

    I don't think I'll ever stop caring about the well-being of exes and I don't find that unhealthy like every other jaded twenty-something around me. Here, I am though, letting it go.

  • Lily

    ryan you make it impossible not to care too much about the internet when you post things like this

  • SisterRay

    love this…wait, should i care about thought catalog articles?? well i do, to an appropriate degree anyway, i think. love ya ryan.

  • raja rhauj

    i love this.

  • P.B

    Care about yourself, your well being and your happiness no matter how selfish that sounds. Everything else — is irrelevant.

  • Greg

    I've been caring about half of these things for the past couple of months…..its been a bad few months….thanks for writing this o'connell

    • Reallyyyydude

      you needed a thought catalog article to tell you to just not care about this stuff?

      • EmilyAVasquez

        dont be a dick

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Melissa-Brandt/100002009377115 Melissa Brandt

    i want there to be a ryan o'connell facebook fanpage
    i want a ryan o'connell t-shirt / coffee mug

  • JavaHUT

    I enjoyed this post! Awesome job

  • Scarlett Losch

    @bestycoastyy is the besty twitter. God love that amazing band.

  • http://twitter.com/sophiakiona Sophia Anderson

    Ryan, I wish you could just follow me around all day and say inspirational shit and keep me from having panic attacks in Walmart or yelling at people at work for no reason or whatever other stupid things I do all the time.

  • rushel

    Beautiful! This was an excellent post Ryan.

  • David1236

    I like you point of view!It would be great if everybody thinks like you! But I a little bit disturb about Sarah Lane's words towards Natalie in her interview, which I downloaded from http://www.torrentoff.com she says that Natalie and Aranofski are just liars and theywant to hide truthful information about who danced in the movie more!

  • Reallyyyydude

    The girl from Best Coast is a total asshole, though. I don't check any celebrity sites or anything. She's seriously ridiculous. I don't care if I sound crazy.

    • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

      I've never seen Best Coast but this comment is cracking me up. I don't care about most of this but it's good to be reminded that I shouldn't. I don't care that Natalie Portman had a body double, I DO care that people insist she can dance ballet. I dance ballet and it's hard. Not the type of thing one gets good at in a year. Just sayin'.

      • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

        Next time someone calls a celebrity a “writer” because they contributed to a magazine, see if you Mr. O'Connell don't feel slight annoyance.

  • Guest

    gj

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1628148658 Brenna Haddan

    I tell people that and feel like a douche, thanks for validating me!

  • http://twitter.com/and_susan Susie Anderson

    legit post ryanbro

  • http://imlikecocaine.wordpress.com/ Ana

    I just love your writings. and even though I'm from eastern europe, blah blah, I really connect to almost everything you're writing.

blog comments powered by Disqus