You should care about feminism. Sorry, was that too jarring for the opener? I. Don’t. Care. You should get over this antiquated idea of feminism as a movement headed by humorless nightmares with too much armpit hair and understand the true definition, which is simply equal rights for women. That’s it. Women are awesome and equal to men. That wasn’t so bad, was it? Painless.
You should care about yourself. You should have self-respect, self-worth, and every other thing that starts with “self” besides self-loathing. You should care about yourself enough to not love someone who will never love you back. I’m going to get real high school on you right now and quote something from The Perks of Being A Wallflower: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And it’s true. People who hate themselves are attracted to people with loads of hate in their heart. It’s a sad vicious cycle. If you find yourself in this situation, you should care enough about yourself to seek help and attempt to break it.
You should care about having a good time—whatever your definition of that may be. If you want to get drunk and dance in the street, do it. Just look both ways. If you want to get high, get high. Just make sure you can handle it. Handling it means not needing it again the second it fades. Then you care too much. Then you have a prob.
You should care about family whether it be your blood or friends. Life can be a hard bummer, and no man is an island. If you can find a group of people who love you unconditionally, you’ve hit the jackpot.
You should care about orgasms. You should care about giving someone else orgasms. Unless you don’t like the person. In that case, fuck it and do you.
You should care about most programming on Bravo because it’s smart scathing social commentary. And if you want to just look at it as frothy fun, you can do that too. Whichever way you interpret a show like The Real Housewives, it’s still going to be entertaining.
You should care about health care in America because it’s actually terrifying. I’m not going to tell you to care about any other kind of “issue” because that would be annoying. Oh, you should care about gay marriage though because I want to get married and buy everything at ABC Carpet & Home.
If you’re young, you should care about being young. You should care about every crop top moment, every silly mistake, every time you get carded (I was carded at the movie theater last night. Instead of being annoyed, I was delighted.) You should care because one day you’ll never be carded, you’ll never wear a crop top, and mistakes will stick like glue instead of being funny learning experiences.
You should care about clothes, not fashion.
You should care about people because they’re fascinating, because they are you. You should pay attention to what is going on around you and wonder why things are the way they are. People got mad the last time I talked about needing to care about someone’s story so maybe I should stop.
Remember when I proclaimed 2011 as “The Year of Feeling”? I meant that. Have you had your feeling today?