The Horror and Unintentional Hilarity of Sex Education

The creepily comedic short film, Late Bloomer, tackles sex education through the lens of cult horror writer H.P. Lovecraft. The narration gets kind of annoying, but it’s great commentary on the joke that sex ed has become in schools. Even the ones that don’t teach abstinence-only fail to accurately address the complexities of knocking boots.

What was your sex ed class like? Did you go to a school that taught abstinence? I went to an Episcopalian middle school, which meant that our sex ed class consisted of a single day of gender-segregated classes in which my closeted lesbian gym teacher taught the girls about periods, and my goofy science teacher told the boys about the hair we might grow on our balls. Like most of the things I was taught at a religious private school, it proved to be positively useless. TC mark

image – via i09

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    My sex ed teacher in middle school was GORGEOUS. Oh man…

  • Amelia P.

    my sex-ed class in 7th grade (when they mixed genders) consisted of us plotting to ask inappropriate questions to the school nurse. It was an opportunity for us to finally say “blow job” without getting in trouble. Example: Give a girl is giving a guy a blow job, you know, sucking it, can she get an STD?

  • EmiliaBedelia

    I went to a “Catholic” school in Southern Ontario, which meant that it was basically a public school with uniforms. Half the kids at my school were Muslim, anyway. Our sex ed was half-assed. No one cared, even the teachers. I think we were told “sex can lead to disease so wear a condom and whatevs. here are some pictures of gonorrhoea, pass them around.”

  • http://profiles.google.com/frances.dinger frances dinger

    In 8th grade gym class one day, we learned about the transmission of AIDS. We were discouraged from even sharing chapstick because you never know, maybe you or the other person has a very tiny bleeding cut on his or her lip. I am not even kidding. This lead to a lot of confusion among my classmates about how exactly one could contract AIDS. Also, it was referred to as AIDS, not HIV that leads to AIDS. And this was in 2003.

  • Holy

    jesus christ. fucking pink floyd's The Wall shit with that vagina monster

  • Eric

    I went to a religious private school and wasn't even taught about hair; nothing!!!

  • http://twitter.com/straponheart Evan Hatch

    i don't recall being shown any non cross-section depictions of genitalia except for the cherry picked photos of people suffering from late stage untreated syphilis and stuff and being told that was the inevitable outcome of extramarital sex. if every subject were dealt with that way then they would be showing you the goriest cycling fatality autopsy photos to teach you about wear a helmet in elementary school.

  • kharlamovaa

    I wish we were taught what to do with SEX in sex ed.. not just preggo prevention. Because learning about the proper way to have sex = preggo prevention (in most cases). SO.

  • http://gallerypieces.wordpress.com Leith McMenamin

    My brother's class was shown a model of a penis and a vagina and then the penis got stuck in the vagina. So…I think that put everyone off sex for a while.
    We went to a really “progressive” school and they made us look at softcore gay publications and asked us how we felt…which was odd. I think they were upset when all I had to say was that I liked the femme's hat in the issue I was given.

  • Greg

    I went to all guys school….sex ed didn't exist

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_CORJYUUNZYMV4I75PJRGSGF7HM ElizabethD

    Actually, mine was a really useful and interesting class. Granted, the teacher was about as matter of fact and clinical as one can get, but I can't think of any other way to handle a class of giggling freshmen and sophomores. He was very thorough, though. We not only covered the basics, but real information about family planning as well. It was really more like an intensive biology class centering on the reproductive system. We also were required to research and write papers on a sex-related issue in politics and society – I remember I ended up reading Susan Brownmiller's book 'Against Rape'.

    I can't say enough good things about that class. Having that knowledge helped me understand what was happening during gynecologist's visits, not to mention infertility treatments and the like, not *just* contraception. Not to mention that it really put me a step ahead of boyfriends who were much less well-informed than I was.

    The thought of abstinence only classes just makes me sick.

  • http://twitter.com/kelseyland Kelsey Landhuis

    I just remember in 5th grade we had to watch this movie where a girl got her first period while she was sleeping over at her friend's house and in the morning her friend's mom made pancakes shaped like a uterus and ovaries.

  • sky

    They just taught the girls about periods. I think the guys got taught to wash under their foreskins or something. I think I actually had sex ed class two or three times throughout elementary and middle school. I already knew about periods 3-5 years before they actually started for me…
    I'm a 9th grader now, and there's ANOTHER sex ed section in my biology book. Enough is enough…

  • http://twitter.com/coinopgirl Crystal

    In 5th grade, the boys and girls got separated, and each got their own puberty talk. In 6th, we got split up and had the basic sex talk.

    In high school, we got a more in depth health class that went over birth control and safe sex. My health teacher rolled a condom over her hand and up to her elbow, and said “Ladies, don't ever let him tell you he's too big to wear a condom.”

  • Yeahso

    we had to watch a woman give birth. wtf.

  • Inflammatorywrit

    I…really don't know. I remember Kevin Arnold's sex education more clearly than mine.

  • Cam

    My sex ed class in elementary school was a joke… the teacher used his coffee mug to demonstrate approximately “just how much blood comes out on a period.” I learned more from TV and on the playground about sex and sex ed… that video was weird as shit!

  • http://twitter.com/andshewasnt genna mae

    Sex ed in my school district was utterly useless, demonstrated by the TEN girls in my class that got pregnant before graduation.

    4th and 5th grade iterations were gender-segregated and was just to tell us that we'd be getting our periods soon and growing hair and stuff. Middle school was the same shit, except not gender-segregated and with awkward videos and a super greasy, creepy lady teacher who told us a story about her two-year-old son whipping his dick out in a supermarket. Freshman year, the teacher basically told us a list of all the different kinds of contraception but didn't show us any examples and didn't tell us how to use them. Senior year, FINALLY, they told us about various STDs, but not in any way that would tie it to certain behaviors or lack of prophylactic use.
    What a bunch of vague-ass bullshit that was. The most effective sex ed I got was from my first roommate in college, who dragged me along to Planned Parenthood on her various vag-infection appointments.

  • Mr. White

    We were shown a thermal imaging video of a rotating meat cigar as it erected.

  • Blah

    I can't get past the narration.

  • Lizzy

    During the reproduction unit in my 10th grade science class, my teacher gave us the option to come in during lunch to watch the video of his wife giving birth to their second kid.

  • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

    i'm seriously just surprised that all of these commenters could get through more than six minutes of this dreadful narration.

    i start, i stop. i start, i stop.
    HIS VOICE.

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