Five Strange Places to See A Hipster

1. Working out at the gym

Hipsters typically get most of their exercise from pressing “Refresh” on their MacBook Pro and making up strange dance moves at a bar. But some of them are secret fitness fanatics. Seeing them at the YMCA or 24 Hour Fitness sweating to Lady Gaga in a unfashionable outfit is unexpected and even jarring. Instead of wearing Doc Marten’s or Mary Jane’s, they’re wearing New Balance sneakers and loose-fitting pants. Having all of that room to move their body around must be unusual for them. After all, they’re  used to skinny jeans and skinny tees and oh my god, I can’t breathe but damn I look good. But I think more hipsters go to the gym than we think. They’re too hot and their bodies are too perfect. They don’t become that way from just dancing at a Glass Candy show and going on a coke binge.

2. Hanging out with their family

Hipsters would like you to think that they don’t have parents. It’s as if they just appeared on the streets of Bedford Avenue or Silverlake fully formed with a cigarette dangling from their lips and a fake ID.  That’s why seeing them somewhere on a family outing is so insane and rare. They’ll be decked out in a super cute outfit looking so bored with their uncool family. Their dad will be portly and their mother will wear an outfit from Chico’s and like to talk a lot about delicious meals and the weather. Maybe the hipster will have a five-year-old brother who still poops his pants and causes a ruckus. They’ll  just look so over it the entire time and hide behind a fedora whispering, “I wish my parents were chic. Like Diane Keaton and Woody Allen in Annie Hall or something.”

3. Weddings

The people who attend weddings are usually old drunk family members who cry and like to dance to Oingo Boingo. If the bride and groom are young and of hipster age, it usually means they’re Christian, which means they and their friends are not hipsters. Occasionally though, you’ll come across the one alternative guest who’s wearing a funky untraditional outfit and getting drunk at the “singles” table. They’ll pick at their cake and feel self conscious about doing the Macarena. They are typically alone in their hipsterdom and are given confused looks by their peers and grandparents. In an even rarer instance, there can be an entire hipster wedding. The bride and groom are very Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer and they met at a flea market fighting over the last antique typewriter. Instead of giving the guests disposable cameras, every table will have a Holga or Polaroid camera. Their song will be “I’ll Be Your Mirror” by The Velvet Underground and there will be a lot of Betsey Johnson dresses. For dessert, they’ll serve something precious and twee like tarts or cupcakes with vegan options. Someone will arrive on their fixed gear bike. Maybe it will even be the bridge and groom.

4. Planned Parenthood

Even though most hipsters are babes, they have a weird asexual vibe to them. Some of the girls are too into dressing like their grandma and the guys can be non-threatening sweethearts. They make out a lot to mixed tapes and go on bike rides together, but it’s hard to imagine some of them getting fucked and being very sexual. I’ve never been to Planned Parenthood before but I imagine it to be full of smarter Teen Mom‘s. Having a girl walk in wearing an Angela Chase shapeless floral dress and being like. “I need a morning after pill or an abortion. Make it quick because I’m expected to fly kites with my friends later! ” would come off as very strange.

5. Going to a chain restaurant (without a sense of irony)

Lately there seems to be a trend amongst hipsters of going to a chain restaurant like T.G.I.Fridays or The Cheesecake Factory. They sneak in next to the obese family of ten and tweet pictures of their giant plate of nachos. The last time I went to The Olive Garden, I spotted five groups of hipsters. They’re such a tricky bunch! Once you feel like you have them pegged, they’ll do something outrageous and leave their vegan co-op and get an oversized plate of pasta and chocolate cake. It’s kitschy, amusing, and above all, so unhip that’s hip. TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Remember, 2011 is the last year we as a culture are using the term “hipster” so live it up while you can.

    I'm with you on all of these except weddings – plenty of hipsters get married themselves and their FB photo albums about the event are akin to lastnightsparty.

    • Uhnonnymus Bosch

      Thecobrasnake used to shoot weddings. Also bar mitzvah's and sweet 16's and such for rich kids in West LA.

  • EmiliaBedelia

    I am so glad I come from hipster parents. They make good accessories. ^_^

  • butt town

    hey guys let's go to TGI Friday's with a sense of irony

    • http://twitter.com/straponheart Evan Hatch

      i think you mean “Chili's” bro

  • https://twitter.com/#!/nvvmxac danne rassle

    FEDORAS SUCK!!

  • http://twitter.com/whoismau Mauricio

    “Remember, 2011 is the last year we as a culture are using the term “hipster” so live it up while you can.”

    About damn time.

    • Hotmail

      I've decided to ironically bring back “hipster” for 2012. Sorry.

      • EmiliaBedelia

        are you also brining back hotmail, ironically?

      • PERFECTCIRCLES

        Nope, you can't. Sorry. It's been passed by the UN General Assembly (Resolution 1942) and will be enforced by the WTO, InterNIC and possibly NATO.

  • http://twitter.com/crazygemini12 Wonderwoman

    Good gracious I hate to be this person but please learn the difference between a plural and a possessive. It should be “Doc Martens, Mary Janes and Teen Moms”. No apostrophe necessary.

    • savagegirl

      Thank you.

    • Humblecore

      You so don't hate to be the grammar police. In fact, I'm pretty sure you get a sense of satisfaction from it. Congratulations!

  • http://twitter.com/FTfunkj Joey Martino

    nice post…i would love to capture some authentic images at a totes hipster wedding, i recently got invited to a my mnstrm bros wedding, there will b no hipster there

    • Anon

      This is not HRO.

  • Ford Tennis

    This is lazy. “Mock amazement” at the possibility of a subculture being and acting human?! Lordy, it couldn't be! Hipster-haterism is toilet paper.

  • HOMIEDONTPLAY

    Hipster is only a term you use to people who aren't hipsters — to warn them that they are different and don't fit in.

  • http://georgebrostanza.tumblr.com george brostanza

    This is kinda funny because it is so god damn true. But in all honesty, who the fuck isn't a hipster these days. I feel like when i see someone wearing a aeropostale t-shirt with american eagle flip flops, they are being the real rebels or outsiders these days. Skinny jeans and effing vintage clothes are the norm now. Six years ago, when i told people i went and bought my clothes at a thrift store or secondhand shop, they looked at me like i was crazy. Now if it's not from a vintage store or belonged to your grandma in the 50's or dad in the 70's, it's less authentic, valuable, and socially accepted. fuck social norms and all that bullshit. That's kinda fucked a lot of people and their lives.

    • Lipitor

      ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING USED TO BE THIS WAY

      NOW LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS THIS OTHER WAY

    • Lindsey-lu

      i graduate highschool in 99, and bought all my clothes at thrift stores. it ain't new.

      • http://georgebrostanza.tumblr.com george brostanza

        Thats not exactly what i'm saying. I know there have been people buying clothes from thrift stores. Obviously, thats why the majority have remained in business. My point is thrift store clothing is much more common and socially accepted now that it was before when everything was about designer labels and logos. (I.e gap, abercrombie, lacoste)

      • Lindseycm

        i know what you're saying. that's what i'm saying too when i talk about buying clothes at the thrift store. i went to private school, i didn't have to shop there because i was poor, i wanted to shop there cause that's where you could find ironic little boy t-shirts, funky dresses you could alter to make cool, and crazy costume jewelry and grandpa hats. i bought my clothes at thrift stores cause it was the cool, alternative, grunge thing to do. now you call it hipster, but it's the same thing as it was when nirvana, pearl jam, etc made it cool to not be a preppy jock (those were the people shopping at gap, abercrombie, etc). every generation thinks they were the first one's to break the corporate mold and go counter-culture. why do you think urban outfitterrs exists? it's big business co-opting your rebellious 20 something nature and selling it back to you in a pretty little package that doesn't require you to put any effort into it.

  • caroline

    agree with all but the last. y'know, hipsters need birth control too. planned parenthood is often the only affordable option for creative underemployed types.

  • cooldadbro

    'Family dinner at Chili's'.

  • 27sandgranola

    Sometimes I take my 93 year old grandmother out to lunch in Williamsburg because I enjoy her confusion. She also has a walker. I don't think people in Willamsburg like her.

  • auuuuuuu7

    Are you a hipster Ryan?

  • http://twitter.com/jenlindblad Jen Lindblad

    “The last time I went to The Olive Garden” …lol

  • Blue387

    Have you ever seen a hipster at a baseball game? Have you?

    • http://twitter.com/FLYamSAM Denden

      Guess what stadium is right next to Silverlake. Have you heard of Los Dodgers? Have you?

  • anon

    An article about hipsters. BBBBBOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG

  • Lindseycm

    obviously you don't know much about weddings or planned parenthood. weddings are full of hipster shit these days and planned parenthood is full of low income women and young women – many of them hipster. i mean it's hip to be sexually liberated, right. and going to chain restaurants in an ironic way, i'm sorry but if you eat there, you eat there, regardless of what you tell yourself to make it ok.

  • Glittertrashwhore

    As a hipster girl who’s had an abortion, we don’t go to regular abortion clinics, we go to small upscale private ones in new york city, our skinny androgynous boyfriend comes along to hold our hand.

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