A Recipe For Growing Up

Add 4 scoops of “I’m sick of this shit.” Be at an age of transition, a time when you see yourself veering away from blackouts and vacuous sex but not necessarily running into the arms of adulthood. Maybe you only drink three glasses of wine now and sleep with people you like when you’re sober. That’s certainly progress from vomiting in the dorms and putting that stuff up your nose. Growing up is having a bad experience when you eat a pot brownie and deciding to never do it again. Growing up is no longer sleeping with the person who’s going to make you feel good for the 2.5 seconds while you orgasm and then make you feel like shit forever.

Add a limitless amount of resolution. You just can’t wake up another morning feeling disappointed in yourself. You must develop a learning curve, must alleviate all of this regret that’s weighing you down. Your physical weight may be small but your emotional weight is Carnie Wilson and Kirstie Alley eating sundaes at the beach. This requires a great amount of resolution. You spent so much time saying yes to everything and now it’s time to try out N-O.

Stir in 6 ounces of being realistic. Life doesn’t operate under extremes. After a particularly bad night, you can’t just be like, “I’m never going out again. I’m staying at home and reading books about art.” That won’t work. You’ll just end up betraying yourself in a week and feeling even worse than when you started. Growing up is a subtle process. Growing up means balance. One day you’ll realize that you haven’t hurt your body or heart in awhile and be like that Blink 182 song and say, “WELL I GUESS THIS IS GROWING UP!”

Crush up 10 cubes of respect. Stop being such a little shit basically. Start to see your parents as flawed human beings and begin to feel bad about all of those years you were a churlish adolescent. Growing up means you have to see outside of yourself. No, you have to want to see outside of yourself. Realize that your viewpoint is limited and actively try to expand it. Empathize. Don’t reject things you don’t understand. Put yourself in someone else’s flats.

Sprinkle 10 hard decisions on top of the growing up casserole. Sometimes growing up means outgrowing some of your friends. It’s a hard fucking thing to realize that you have nothing in common with someone who used to be your everything. You want to go back to that time when it all made sense, when they made sense but you can’t. In the end, it’s usually a good thing. It’s a sign that you’re evolving and moving on to the next step. Growing up means giant grey areas. Friendships don’t go out with a bang. They slowly die. In a way, it’s much worse. The silence can be deafening.

Put your dish in the oven for 40 minutes. Spend that time mourning all of the bad decisions you made, all the friendships that died at the hands of time, and all of the things you must give up in order to love yourself about. Cry hard. Stop crying. Become hopeful and happy about the future. Say to yourself again (softly this time but with feeling), “Well I guess this is growing up.”

Take out of the oven and eat your fucking grown up casserole, you fucking grown up! TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

    and if that screws up, call for thai take out.

    • rick schitiltiz

      are you thai take out restaurant owner?

      is the restaurant name lim yan yun's yummy thai pad thai?

      • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

        If i own a thai take out restaurant, I wouldnt need to call for thai take out, right? logic please.

  • http://twitter.com/ohfaith Faith Wright

    dammit

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i like the part about friends. and parents. fuck, i just like the whole thing.

    it resonates

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    I agree/feel a lot of these but for some reason my relationship with my parents is still fucked.

    • Cajanasiak

      So take the first step toward making it right. It can only help, even if it's just to know that you tried. Your parents will probably cry if you send this to them. I did.

  • ln.

    This weekend has been an “I'm sick of this shit” awakening, but I'll never be sick of the ecstasy of finding a mirror in an article on Thought Catalog.

  • HiredGoons

    Oh boy, this is exactly what's been going through my head lately only phrased much more coherently.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    I'm sick of this shit too.

  • http://twitter.com/jessdutschmann Jess Dutschmann

    thank you for this i am having the worst day and it's just the food i needed

  • http://profiles.google.com/oladosuf Bomi Oladosu

    I'm currently sprinkling the decisions on my casserole…making sure I have enough to thoroughly cover it before I throw it in the oven.

  • A CONAN LAI

    Add a limitless amount of resolution. You just can’t wake up another morning feeling disappointed in yourself. You must develop a learning curve, must alleviate all of this regret that’s weighing you down. Your physical weight may be small but your emotional weight is Carnie Wilson and Kirstie Alley eating sundaes at the beach. This requires a great amount of resolution. You spent so much time saying yes to everything and now it’s time to try out N-O.

    So you try out Nitrous Oxide, which Telly considers dangerous. You and Telly walk to Telly's house and steal money from Telly's mother. You go to Washington Square Park and buy a “dime bag” of marijuana from a Rastafarian. You then meet up with a few friends, one of whom gives a blunt-rolling tutorial, to talk and smoke. You ride on a skateboard and carelessly bump into a man, who furiously threatens you. He pushes you over, but is struck in the back of the head with a skateboard by Harold, a friend of yours and Telly’s, causing him to collapse. Many of the other skaters join in, kicking and hitting the man until he is unconscious. Telly then spits on the man's face.

    Jenny arrives at the party to discover Telly having sex with Darcy, thus exposing her to HIV. Exhausted by her ordeal and with the drugs still affecting her, Jenny passes out on a couch among the other sleeping party-goers. Drunkenly, you proceed to rape Jenny, unknowingly exposing yourself to HIV as well. In the morning, you stare vacantly ahead, saying “Jesus Christ, what happened?”

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      hey man i was wondering what you thought of the new panda bear album

      • A CONAN LAI

        dont listen to that sorry guy

  • http://twitter.com/ellie_rex danielle garza

    This feels like my support group. It's a “glad to know I'm not the only one” mentality.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Wondering where my comment disappeared to.

    “I'm too old for this shit.”

  • http://profiles.google.com/maheshsharm Mahesh Sharma

    wow i wish i had this years ago. but younger me probably wouldn't have listened anyway..

  • Comic Insult

    The best thing to remember about growing up is that you shouldn't resist it. Or else you'll turn into an overgrown frat boy with Peter Pan syndrome.

  • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

    But everybody's gone/
    And I've been here for too long/
    To face this on my own/
    Well I guess this is growing up.

  • Cajanasiak

    My daughter sent this to me, I think because she knows how very heartbreaking it is to be my son's mother. It brought tears to my eyes to have the grief I live with every day acknowledged and empathized with. I'm not an easy parent. I'm not the “friend-parent” that teenagers think they want. I made many unpopular decisions and, like any conscientious parent, agonized over whether they were the best decisions. As thoroughly as my son breaks my heart with his self destruction, my daughter fills my heart with joy overflowing in her determination to find balance and integrity in her life. Wow! Love doesn't begin to describe her.

  • http://twitter.com/kas_x KAS

    first, i fucking love this.
    i love cooking and when life(growing up in the case) is implied as a recipe, i just have to love it. especially when it is this well-written.
    but after all, i am still young and still in the ' measuring everything and try to put everything together' process.
    maybe it is time for me to cook something for myself.

  • Erica

    Amaaazing.

  • Guest

    I'm 27 and I'm still not here yet…… How do I get there?

  • diannegaraf

    Reblogged this on diannegaraf and commented:
    how to be growing up? just read this article. enjoy :)

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