Thought Catalog

What It Feels Like To Get F***ed In The Ass

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Getting your ass penetrated should be a prerequisite for life because it’s an experience that teaches humility and encourages teamwork. After the deed, you see your fellow man in a whole new empathetic light, the kind of light that’s humanizing, curbs any further judgements and could possibly end wars. It’s like, “You just let me put my penis in your ass and move it in and out for an hour. God bless you, you wonderful angel. Take this ‘get out of jail free’ card. You’ve earned it!”

The only people who aren’t getting fucked in the ass are straight men. Lesbians use dildos, straight girls get drunk and acquiesce to their boyfriend’s requests, and gay guys, well, we sort of invented anal sex. If Jersey Shore has “Gym, Tan, Laundry”,  gay men have “Gym, Tan, Anal.” As I’ve discussed before, the male equivalent of a G-spot rests in our prostate so the incentive to get someone’s dick in our ass ASAPular is that much greater.

But here’s some real talk for you. Anal sex is kind of the biggest deal ever. When my friends tell me stories about doing it with some random they met at a bar, I’m completely stunned. The act is so intense and delicate that I could never give my asshole to just anybody. Entrance is only granted to V.I.P.’s—Very Important Penises. But this is something the gay community doesn’t always see ass-to-ass on. Some only have anal sex in monogamous relationships and consider oral sex to be intercourse. With others, however, it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Anal is like the oxygen they need to breathe.

I’m going to try to put the feeling of anal sex into words so you can get an idea of how crazysexyintense it is. First of all, anal sex cannot be an on-the-fly decision. If I’m getting fucked in the ass, I need to know way in advance so I can prepare properly. The guy needs to send me a private Facebok event invitation titled, “Ryan O’Connell gets fucked in the ass.” with a set date and time. I can then have the luxury of choosing “Attending”, “Maybe Attending” or “Not Attending.” If I choose to attend, I need to start doing some serious yoga to Sade or Enya. When that’s done, I’l give a pep talk to my asshole and be like, “Hey babe! I know you’ve been in retirement or whatever, but you need to get ready because something’s coming to an orifice near you. Don’t hate me! You’ll like it. And don’t try any funny business tonight. I’ll be mortified if you-know-what happens!” After chilling your asshole out, you kind of need to go in the shower and fuck yourself with your finger. You don’t want it to be too tight because then it runs the risk of being very painful. While loosening things up, take this opportunity to clean things up. You don’t want to go into the experience feeling insecure about the state of your ass so be thorough in your examination.

Fast forward to the main event. It’s imperative that the guy who’s going to be penetrating me is trustworthy and gentle, and not an asshole. Assholes don’t mix with my asshole. I’m going to be getting in sexual positions where my body will look fleshy and revolting. It will seem like I’ve magically gained 20 pounds somewhere for no real reason so this guy needs to be understanding of everything. Hopefully his dong won’t be too huge either because that can become difficult to manage.

When he goes in, it’s going to feel strange at first. Actually, anal sex always feel strange. It’s hard to explain but the whole thing just feels wrong. I don’t mean that in a moralistic or bad way. I mean, it just literally feels unnatural because you’re using an exit as an entrance. Funnily enough though, that’s how you derive a lot of enjoyment from it. The unnatural feeling enhances the pleasure. You know how when you watch people getting fucked in gay porn, there’s all this moaning, and you’re just like, “yeah, right. they’re acting”? I can’t be for sure obviously but I don’t think they are. When a penis enters your ass, a moan involuntarily escapes your lips. Just try not to be loud. I dare you. You have little control over it, which makes the experience even hotter.

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    • Kent

      “…hideously* kinky…”

      • Ryan O'Connell

        it's a reference to the movie hideous kinky with kate winslet

        • Alexthecarrot

          Which is already pretty oblique considering the only explanation of the movie's title is on the back of the dvd case, so, er, bonus points for that?

          Also, this piece had near the same effect on me as watching Shortbus for the first time. Which is a good thing.

    • http://twitter.com/LulabelleNiche Gabrielle Bodek

      I wish I wasn't that straight girl who has to get drunk to acquiesce my boyfriend's request. Plus I don't have a prostate…so I'll just rest with getting a strap on and fucking HIM in the ass.

      • http://tim.dreamwidth.org/ Tim

        You might not have a prostate, but you do have a clitoris, most of which is internal — located in just the right place to be stimulated by anal penetration. (The phrase “female prostate” exists for a reason.)

    • PERFECTCIRCLES

      This will be the #1 most viewed article of the week.

    • Truly Disgusted

      I just threw up in my mouth… and everywhere else

      • Megan

        grow up, choir boy!

      • Sammypie

        Good.

      • diddly

        You read an article called “What it feels like to get fucked in the ass.” Did you not want to read about getting fucked in the ass? Where you just all “I wonder what this ass fucking article is about…. HOLY SHIT IT'S ABOUT BEING FUCKED IN THE ASS! I'M NOT OKAY WITH THIS AT ALL!”

        • PERFECTCIRCLES

          He'll get his chance soon enough.

    • eddyindigo

      Hey, whatever you're into.

      • Deandra Barrett

        Sweet

    • girl

      “I feel like putting someone’s P in a V is more manageable and impersonal, but what do I know?”
      It may be more manageable, but at least from my perspective, not more impersonal. As a straight girl, I experience all the feelings you described, even now that I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years.

    • Julie

      You know what? Great for you. I don't think anal is a requisite, though. Folks sometimes act like anal is the new holy grail. I've tried it enough times to know that for me, at best, it's a not-terrible-but-pretty-boring waste of my time and my asshole.

    • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

      This is the article I've been hoping you'd write, Ryan.

    • Rachel Zehava

      I woke up this morning to the sound of Bebe yelling, “DID YOU READ RYAN O'CONNELL'S LATEST ARTICLE????????????”

      I wasn't disappointed!!!

    • flawedsquares

      finally, some in depth ass-fucking writing that I don't have to read on a site that will give me pop ups.

    • juuice

      I thought I'd never try it. Now look what happened…

    • juuice

      Btw, is there someway to delete my previous post? I thought the attached picture would just become the display photo ._. Think I'll flag it sorry…

    • Rupert Conrad

      Better articulated than I could have ever imagined.

    • CC

      Beautiful, though this is honestly how I feel getting fucked in the vagina. Putting the P in the V is more manageable, since the thing lubes and stretches by definition, but it's not more impersonal, IMO. Everyone should totally get fucked at some point in their lives; I think the vulnerability and the momentousness you describe is why it's so scary to most straight guys.

      Now I'm horny not in a turned-on way, but in a I-really-want-to-feel-a-penis-inside-me way. Thanks a lot, Ryan O'Connell.

      • nico

        Agree. This is precisely what I feel getting it in the V. Except that weird, wrong sensation is absent, and it's generally more receptive to penetration. I just feels oh, so right, and I become consumed with the need for more. more. more.

    • http://twitter.com/andeenero Andee Nero

      I think the most important part was missed:
      Anal sex feels like someone is pooping into your asshole. Which is kind of awesome if you're of the variety of people who really loves taking an enormous shit.

    • shoehorn

      cool man, very interesting read for a straight guy
      i have been transported into a different brain and back
      you win

      • Kourtenaydale

        Haha this made me giggle for a full straight minute.

        • shoehorn

          shit kourtenaydale why ?
          my funny is broken, it only functions accidentally..

    • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

      I also like south african boys (re 'facebok') but would it make me feel special the first time? I'm scared it would turn out embarrassing and I'd feel humble in a bad way. eye-opening article though

    • Sammymalone66

      What about douching? If I guy doesn't douche his ass, then no way. Shit comes out, gets everywhere, and makes me puke.

    • SisterRay

      Love you Ryan, but extra love today for using the phrase “throwing a hot dog down a hallway”, one of my favorites of all time.

      • http://chrysler5thavenue.blogspot.com chrysler5thavenue

        yeah, good job on the cliche

        • SisterRay

          who the fuck cares if it's a cliche? let's be more ironically detached, shall we?

        • http://chrysler5thavenue.blogspot.com chrysler5thavenue

          People who appreciate good writing care. You need to settle down because you are not making sense.

        • :P

          Oh would you all shut up? Its a great article lets leave it at that

        • SuZUKI38928

          lol it was a great one ^_^ meh feels soooooooo horny right now

        • blank

          man im bie 16 and ive only used dildos and that fills great i could only imagen wat its like to be realy fucked o ps thus gave me the bigest boner

    • Ro

      Your writing is awesome – and I mean that in the most non-teenage way possible. I never thought I would read a really moving piece about anal sex in my lifetime. And funny too (hot dog!). Ryan, you're amazing.

    • A Concerned Gay Man

      Reading this article made me feel alienated as a gay man, and I think it lacks the depth you think it has.

      Please, for the sake of gay men everywhere, stop representing your experience as though you speak for all of us– I am so sick of the way you talk about how you're “not a typical gay dude,” but then everything you do is exactly the same as a typical gay dude– you just go back later and apply some weird, alternative ideological stance to it. It's kind of revolting, actually.

      • Ryan O'Connell

        i'm sorry! i'll stop writing immediately!

        • DucatiGuy

          Don't worry about those 'critics' they're even more guilty of perpetuating flouncy gay stereotypes …

      • azi

        when you say that this doesnt represent gay men everywhere, are you referring to the, “After chilling your asshole out, you kind of need to go in the shower and fuck yourself with your finger” part?

        is that what you meant?

    • http://sixmetamorphoses.blogspot.com the other jordan

      This article minus all the self-indulgence:

      Getting fucked in the ass can be nice if you mentally prepare and are comfortable with your partner.

      • Zonks

        Why you gotta go and hate?

        I understand that internet commenting is the land of hate, but isn't Internet blog posting all about self indulgence?

        Let's meet in the middle.

    • Izzy

      Great article, but I disliked the implication that straight girls don't genuinely enjoy anal sex but rather they merely “get drunk and acquiesce”. While obviously everyone's different and there are perhaps certain majorities, I, for one (a straight / bi-blahblah girl), have always loved the idea of anal long before I even had a boyfriend, and now I experience epic anal orgasms (feels like g-spot stimulation rather than clitoral) and it's just the bomb, so there.

      • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

        Girls like you always make me feel at once encouraged and also horribly insecure.

        Encouraged: because I think, hey, maybe female anal pleasure isn't a myth. Out of all the cool, open-to-exploration ladies I know, only one seems to mildly enjoy it (I think it helps that her boyfriend loves to be pegged).

        Insecure: because what's wrong with me? Why am I such a failure at orgasming? I have a zillion hangups about anal starting with a daterape situation in college, and I can't even manage a G-spot orgasm, so how the fuck can I get off on reverse pooping? (I know, I know, nerve endings, science, etc.) So I am definitely one of those grimacing drunk girls, queasy and wishing she had taken more valium when I'm trying to be a good sport about it. Maybe I need to go to sex school?

        • that girl

          I love anal, but it takes some experience and getting used to. And lube. More lube than you could possibly think you would ever need. And he needs to go slowwwww. The first few times he couldn't even really move much or I was D-O-N-E. Now we go at it, though not as forcefully as vaginal intercourse, but the main thing is that I need clitoral stimulation to go with the anal. Something about it makes it ah-mayzing. Screaming orgasm amazing. And I'm that girl that usually doesn't get off during regular intercourse.

        • DucatiGuy

          It turns out human sexuality is just as diverse as (say) human faces or bodies. Although I'm an anal addict, if your interests lie elsewhere that's just fine with me. And if your partner can't deal with that they were never the right person for you.

    • 27sandgranola

      Not even three hours ago I told Chelsea that I was going to submit an article about anal sex. Now I feel silly.
      Every once in a while I used to let my ex go down that road. As he so aptly describe it, “It's like I'm trying to ram a train through…your asshole.”

    • ashleywr

      This is the most amazing article I've ever read on the Internet. Kudos to you.

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