Kim Kardashian’s New Single Inspired By Darfur

Not content with just being…whatever Kim Kardashian does, the reality star premiered a heavily-produced song called “Jam {Turn It Up}” on Ryan Seacrest today. After listening to the track, one experiences a whole range of emotions— boredom, amusement, horniness, a bizarre craving for homemade jams—and we decided to contact Kim Kardashian herself to get the 411 on her single (This is not true.}I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but she’s been an avid supporter of Thought Catalog from the beginning and has been our muse. She was even at our reading series last weekend albeit in disguise and thought the evening was “super deep and fruity like a stick of Orbitz gum.” Ugh, we just love her. Anyway, we called her up to discuss the true inspiration behind “Jam” and got the full story. Kim doesn’t lie to us. She lies to everyone else but not us. She had this to say:

So I was working on the design for my own line of oxygen tanks when I got super depressed thinking about, like, Darfur and genocide and stuff. I was like, you know what Darfur needs to make them super happy? A pop song produced by The Dream. So I threw $100,000 in The Dream’s lap and was like, “I don’t care what knobs you have to turn to make me have a singing voice, you are producing my song! If not for the money, do it for Darfur!” They looked at me super confused and then we just got high. I never smoke pot so I just passed out, and when I woke up the next morning in the jacuzzi, they said they already made the song! I wondered how they managed to record my voice if I was unconscious and they told me that I talk in my sleep a lot and one of the things I kept on saying was, “turn it up!” So yeah, basically the whole song is me just saying “turn it up!” in Auto-Tune. LOL. I’m in Africa though so I gotta go. Isn’t Darfur here? Maybe I should tweet at them and we can go to lunch and I can show them my song! OMG, genius. Bye.

Thanks Kim for the TC exclusive! TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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  • Katarinajaojoco

    no comment.

  • Kimmy K

    Omgggzzzz it is so fun and new and original to call women in reality tv dumb!! More articles like this please!!! Woooooo!!!

    • Guest666

      hhshaahahhahah this. LIKE YEA WE ARE SO INTLELELECUTAlLY AND MORALALLY SUPERIOR OMG THEY SUCK WE RULE THEY DONT HAVE AN OUNCE OF IORNY OR ANYTHING NOTHING SEEMS BLEEK FOR THEM EKEKEKKEKEKE

  • hehehehe

    shoulda just been the headline imho

  • Poop

    “…it’s pretty much everything you’d imagine it to be: An auto-tuned, emotionless pile of vapid unoriginality that somehow manages to capture how annoying this whole family is and transform it into sound.”

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