For a moment, I thought I was really done with Intervention. I swore off doing recaps, and providing snarky commentary for the show’s screwed up narrative. It started to make me feel icky and I no longer wanted to contribute to its massive popularity. But weaning myself off of the show was much harder than I expected. Like a moth to a flame, I tuned in to last night’s episode almost involuntarily. I was lying in bed listening to Tegan & Sara and thinking about lesbians when all of a sudden my TV just turned on and lo and behold, a new episode of Intervention appeared on the screen. At first I was like, “I’ll just watch it as a fan. I won’t recap it.” This proved to be impossible, however, because it turned out to be one of the most batshit insane episodes I’ve ever seen. It surpassed the episodes about the bulimic twins, the huffer, and the naked violent girl who was addicted to meth.
This episode involved a family of Evangelical Christians so I knew shit was going to be real weird from the onset. The episode began with Jamie—a 27-year-old alcoholic with questionable highlights— attending a service at The Church of People Who Like To Close Their Eyes And Chant. She talked about how she wanted to dedicate herself to Jesus and then there were shots of her swaying with her hands up in the air. It kind of looked like she was at a rave rolling on ecstasy, but it turned out to just be a typical day at her church. Anyway, after she finished with church and talking about religion, she went to a bar, got wasted, and went into a K-Hole. There was no gentle segueway. One minute she’s talking about how much she loves Jesus and then Smash cut: Jamie’s in a K-Hole. She’s getting wasted and calling herself the ultimate party girl. After church, I thought people just went to In-N-Out and ate animal fries, but Jamie’s like, “BRB Jesus. Goin’ in a K-Hole.”
So the episode’s already off to an insane start. Much to my shock though, Jamie’s antics were just the tip of the iceberg. As it turned out, her whole family was completely nuts. Let me break it down for you.
The Family That Loves Jesus, Drugs, Denial, and Weird Clothing
Jamie’s Dad: Jamie’s dad is a big ball of Jesus love. He hates sin! It’s the worst! But when he’s not preaching about the glory of God, he’s flying into rages that probably terrified the cameramen. Jamie and her sister Susan allege that their father was physically and emotionally abusive to them, which makes sense. Just by looking at him on my TV, I get a black eye. But he denies this by saying that he just talks loudly and factually. Regarding the accusations of physical abuse, Jamie’s dad admits to having to “restrain” his kids but nothing more. This all comes off as complete bullshit. Throughout the episode, you realize what a creepy control freak he is. He even leaves Jamie’s intervention for a second because it’s not going according to his plan. Also hilarious: He claims to not enable Jamie even though he gives her a couple hundred bucks a month and allows her to live at home rent free. You know when you meet certain people and you’re like, “I need to take a bath. They made me feel dirty!” afterwards? He’s like that.
Jen: Jen is Jamie’s identical twin sister who died of a drug overdose. Growing up, the two were inseparable and partied together. Jamie got clean though while her sister did not, and a year after her sister’s death, Jamie relapsed and became the addict she is today. Her death is a large contributor to her drug abuse obviously. The whole family never properly grieved her death and are the major dysfunctional freaks they are today because of it.
Susan: Susan was an interesting one. At first I thought she was the normal sister, but then it’s revealed in one scene that she snorted ketamine with Jamie while on their way to a bar. Things got particularly bizarre when it came time to do Jamie’s intervention. Before they could start, Susan suffered a complete mental breakdown, threatened suicide, and never actually attended the intervention. If you’ve been keeping track, that means the three sisters all abuse drugs, have suicidal thoughts, and one of them is dead. Meanwhile, the father is just like, “Just turn to Jesus!” Ugh, people are so fucked.
The intervention: The intervention was naturally a shitshow. The interventionist, Candy, is clearly just dumbfounded by how crazy everybody is. She’s almost at a loss for words. Anyway, Jamie accepts treatment mostly because she’s religious and has such deep-rooted shame about her sins. She’s been sober since December 18, 2010. Everyone else is in her family is still crazy though so her sobriety is almost bittersweet. Good luck, sister. You’re going to need it.