How to be an It Girl

Be a young pretty girl who fights her beauty. Roll around in the dirt, stick crumpled leaves in your hair, and have people marvel at your unusual features.

When you’re 15, sleep with a 26-year-old doofus eyesore who happens to be very powerful. Close your eyes each time you have sex and just say to yourself, “Nylon magazine. Lucrative endorsements. Close friends with Sean Lennon and Vincent Gallo.”

Grow a substantial Internet presence. Post photos of you wasted wearing a Hefty trash bag and Balenciaga gladiator sandals and watch 14-year-olds in Japan go apeshit over you. They’ll post things on your blog like, “U so pretty and fun! My english bad Sorry. I LOVE YOU.” Also post photos of you and your BFF (on the internet only, Sowwy.) running down the street laughing, being young and carefree.

Drop out of high school and do independent study. Explain to your parents that It Girls don’t go to regular high school. Have your mother slap her forehead and be like, “Whatever, honey. Mommy’s going to take her vitamins and drink her juice now. Love you, sparkle.”

If you don’t already have a unique name, adopt one. Name yourself “Tangerine” or “Jimi”. Make your Twitter name “Jimijimijimi” and tweet about the weather being shitty in Los Angeles. Watch it get 77 retweets.

Have Nylon come calling and ask you to be on the cover of their annual It Girl issue. Tell them you have an algebra test that day, but you’ll see if you can get out of it. Have the person from be like, “OMG. That’s genius. We’re including it in the article.”

If you haven’t already, get really into drugs. Project this childlike sense of wonder on the internet and post pictures of you and your friends having picnics and flying kites. Neglect to mention that you were all on Percocet when you did these things. Tee hee!

When the Nylon cover comes out, stop fucking the 26-year-old eyesore and date someone from Kings of Leon.

Get an endorsement from a jewelry company that makes funky bangles. Show up high to the photo shoot and ask for a slice of pita bread for lunch.

Start hanging out with major celebrities. Help Chloe Sevigny get over a major breakup. Tweet something like “Love my slice of Chloe. Feel better, babe!” Give Sean Lennon a handjob and hear him talk about post-modernism for five hours. Do coke with Lindsay Lohan because you heard she was insane and sleeps on top of a pile of couture after selling her bed for drugs.

Go to any and all parties. There’s a party for Multiple Sclerosis at Soho Grand? You love MS! You’ll be there. Will Mark Ronson meet you after?

Have no personality. Be unable to carry a conversation and have it not really matter. When people ask you what you actually do, respond with, “I do Jimi.”

Be over the hill on your 21st birthday. Move to Paris and make menstrual art. Go from being an It Girl to That Girl. TC mark

image – Ciao Manhattan

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • emke

    r.i.p cory kennedy

  • lando

    wish I was 26 year old eyesore

  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Change Mark Ronson to Mick Ronson and I'm sold.

  • fett

    hate those skinny bitches

  • klk

    i feel like this how-to is a little too narrow-minded/just a description of cory kennedy. maybe my expectations were too high

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    you mad?

  • Sa

    This is so true though. God I hate these types of people.

  • Uko

    eh. you can do better ryan

  • Tommmmmm

    heh. out comes the claws.

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/writings/a-boner-for-like-ever-by-brian-mcelmurry/ Brian McElmurry

    nice

  • Bee

    Jac Vanek?

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