Five Things To Do On A Sunday
By Thoughtis
Life is a funny evolving thing, isn’t? Take our relationship with Sundays. Growing up, they were a detestable dreaded thing—a reminder that the pajama party was over and it was time to make your Anne Frank diorama for history class. The day would move like slow torture and by the time 8 p.m. had rolled around, you realized all you had accomplished was a four hour telephone conversation with your friend about the people you hate and the people you wanna smooch.
Perhaps one of the saving graces of getting older is that Sundays get to be reinvented as a time for wonder, magic, and freedom. Now that you’re out of school, Sundays have become fun days, wondrous days, something to look forward to. You can spend it at a six hour brunch with your best friends drinking, eating, and trying your darndest to have your life resemble an episode of Sex and the City. Or you can lie in bed naked watching old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210. Both are acceptable because Sundays are all about YOU, about reacquainting yourself with a quality of life you may have lost during the grueling work week. Here are five things you could do to create the ultimate Sunday funday.
1. Call your parents, you churlish child!
Remember those people that raised you, kept you alive, and sent you off to school? Well, they haven’t heard from you in awhile and they’re sort of sad about it. They spend their days puttering around their house, talking about mundane things like yard sales, clouds, and good salmon while you’re living your super cool fun exciting life. You call them and say, “Sorry guys. I’ve just been really busy. Love you so much!” and you really do love them. In your twenties and onward, your parents rock. It’s the time when “loving your parents” is the new “hating your parents.” Perspective and a great psychiatrist are largely responsible for this attitude. But at the end of the day, you can still be super self-absorbed and forget about the fact that someone kept you in their womb for nine months. Use this Sunday to catch up with them and make their year.
2. Exist in a shame-spiraling fugue
Embarrassed by your drunken antics on Saturday night? Did you tell your best friend her boyfriend sucks or send some dirty texts to a guy you met in a deli a year ago, and get no response? It’s going to be okay! Sundays are a perfect day to fugue about the things you have done. Spend 12:00-3:00 p.m. hating yourself, like, a lot. Make grand declarations of abstaining from alcohol and send an apologetic text to deli dude being like, “OMG. Last night was so crazy. A homeless person stole my phone and texted weird stuff to all my friends! But then I went to the homeless shelter and he gave it back to me. LOL!” Around 3 p.m, eat a Chipotle burrito and start to feel better about yourself. Feel your body repairing itself and just feel grateful to be alive. Life’s not all that bad! End the shame spiral and have a celebratory glass of wine.
3. Be bored
There once was a time in your life when not having something to do was the worst thing ever. You felt like you were just waiting for your life to start and desperately wishing for something cool happen. As you get older though, you start to appreciate the nothingness in your life. Life has gotten hectic and caused you to have 10,000 anxiety attacks so spending your day reading magazines, eating Wheat Thins and organizing your closet starts to sound like ecstasy. So go ahead. Be bored. It’s a actually super fun. Masturbate a bunch, catch up on your DVR, and just delight in the fact that you can skip your daily dose of anti-anxiety meds.
4. Go to work
Go into the office to catch up on work without the pressure of a deadline or a nosy boss. Relish in the quiet and be surprised by how productive you can be on a day you’re not required to do anything.
J//K. Don’t do this. ARE YOU INSANE? You must be a workaholic with no social life! NERD FREAK PSYCHO.
5. Forget that it’s Sunday
The days all blend together. It’s dark. Wake up on a Sunday feeling very disoriented and say to yourself, “It feels like a Tuesday…” Fall back asleep. Wake up and go to work only to find that it’s closed. Wonder what it all means and go back to bed.