Five Things Rich People Like To Do

1. Complain about their busy hectic life

For the lucky rich people who don’t have to work, making their life seem busy becomes their full-time job. They litter their days with pointless appointments to give the illusion of productivity. “I can’t meet you for a four-hour lunch today. I have to meet my scoliosis fundraising team to discuss streamer options! You obviously don’t get that I actually have a lot of responsibilities with my charity. They depend on me!” Things other people would see as luxuries are viewed as absolute necessities to them. “I can’t miss yoga. That’s like asking me to die. Do you want me to die?!” I lived in Beverly Hills for a hot minute (#dark) and would see women behave like this every day, scurrying from lunch to eyebrow threading to their yoga studio with such a sense of purpose, like they were going to a business meeting or something. If I didn’t have to work and someone asked me what I did for a living, I would just say nothing. Why is honesty such an issue? It’s an easier pill to swallow than having to pass off “charity supervisor” as a real occupation.

2. Have anxiety

Sometimes when you grow up with a lot of money, you become ill-equipped at dealing with real life issues. The wealth coddles you and creates a protective bubble, making insignificant problems seem like the biggest deal ever. Rich people love to be stressed out. It’s like their favorite thing other than buying bars of organic soap that cost forty dollars. The following things can trigger a full-blown anxiety attack: Organizing a party, bad help, bad weather, bad food, airplanes, stingy doctors, poor people, being in love, exes, and most of all, vacations. Oh, don’t even utter the word vacation! It sends chills down a rich person’s spine because vacations involve lots of planning, breathing, and moving from place to place. There’s also luggage involved, which terrifies them! “Aggh, take that big boxlike thing away! What does it want from me? My clothes? Well it can’t have them!” It’s weird because the things that bring most people joy are the same things that cause rich people to have complete meltdowns. Freaks!

3. Travel in packs

Rich people typically stick to their own kind. Maybe it’s because they all grew up in the same neighborhoods and attended the same schools, but socializing strictly within your own class is a very real thing. I’ve hung out in groups where the words “vacationing in the Hamptons” was treated as NBD. Conversely, I’ve hung out in groups that couldn’t fathom the concept of vacationing outside their own bedroom. It’s like they speak two different languages: “Oh, just another Prada bag”, and “I wish I had money to eat.” I find this implicit division of the classes fascinating and also sort of unnerving, which I guess also sums up my feelings towards money in general.

4. Shop/eat/workout/do anything in a special entitled atmosphere that’s designed for other rich people

Fact: The best part about being rich is that you have your very own bourgie grocery store, gym, neighborhoods, coffee shops, restaurants, airlines etc. You can belong to all of these exclusive clubs and fraternize with other rich people, making it so you don’t have to deal with the riffraff at Safeway or the YMCA. You can go to Gelson’s and Equinox Gym! Thank God! “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t pay twenty dollars for an Asian pear!” Overpaying for things is the oxygen that rich people need to breathe!

5. Pretend they’re poor

Occasionally you’ll encounter someone who has so much guilt about being wealthy that they’ll try to adapt a blue-collar lifestyle to fit in. I once knew a guy who came from serious money, but would always talk about getting a job as a dishwasher. I’d be like, “You live in a doorman building in downtown Manhattan. You even have a dishwasher in your apartment. What’s the deal?” He just couldn’t deal. He wanted to struggle for his money so he would turn his luxurious apartment into a thrift store Grandpa den and act as if he couldn’t afford a falafel. Pretending that you’re broke when you actually have a lot of money can be just as bad as behaving like a grandiose snob. Telling someone who actually doesn’t have any money that you want a real honest {read:humiliating) job is sort of rude and insensitive, right? TC mark

image – Nicolas Genin

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • John23

    Written by: a poor person.

    • Zoë

      this is hysterical because….Ryan is far from poor. ahahahaaaaaaa

      • paul

        not that funny

      • Kristy

        Who are all these dicks? Hey Zoe. I miss you.

      • P. H. Madore

        New York poor is different than everywhere else poor.

    • Kristy

      If you only knew….

  • pantsy

    This is so true… I grew up in an upper-middle class neighborhood in an LA-suburb called “La Crescenta”. A mile over was a town called “La Canada” (named like the 10th richest neighborhood according to forbes or another pompous media outlet).

    I had plenty of friends from that end of town, but it really seemed like they were in their own bubble. For the most part, their cliques would never attend parties unless the house was enormous and in a super upper-class part of LA.

    I remember going to a party in their neck of the woods with some of friends from my town and one buddy was wearing a thin silver necklace (wasn't like ghetto huge or a guido would wear). We walked in and immediately some chick labeled us as the “Chain Gang”. Immediately, we felt out-of-place even though we were socializing and bonding with many of the people there. This one chick wouldn't let go of it and basically cried to the owner of the house that we should leave. I guess it was one chain too many.

    The ones that didn't have a stick so far up their rears would occasionally come out and hang with the more common folk. And going to a bar or club at least consisted of bringing 2-3~ of their equally wealthy friends as some validation for leaving their bubble.

    It was kind of nice to be able to get a view from the inside of their bubble once in awhile. One thing I did notice on the upside: the girls that were promiscuous, we're very open about it (more so than the average).

  • Alice

    “Pretending that you’re broke when you actually have a lot of money can be just as bad as behaving like a grandiose snob.”
    So…how *should* people with money behave? This isn't exactly a rhetorical question. How do you acknowledge privilege in a way that is sensitive and not entirely obnoxious? Hating people who have either more or less money than you do always seemed like a waste of time to me, because by that logic everyone in the entire world should hate everyone else. So what to do?
    A first world problem, but still a problem

    • azi

      you can do what I did in my dream last night: spend money on expensive yet simple things, not the big “G” gucci belt, but a nicer no label belt. dont pretend you dont go on vacations, just dont over talk about it. you dont have to lie about being somewhere, just dont make a big deal out of it, like posting pics on FB.

      and the main thig is, dont talk about money. dont talk about your bonus, or how much your car lease is. friends can see you're driving a bmw but its not an issue if you dont talk about it.

      rules for the rich bitch.

      • Ryan O'Connell

        omg this is so good.

      • Gregory Jean

        This article was great. I grew up in lower middle class neighborhood and have been working since the age of 15 ( my first job was the drive-thru @ KFC..baller status). I got accepted to Sarah Lawrence in '06 and was completely thrown off by some of the wealth that my friends/girlfriends/acquaintances came from. I don't have anything against the wealthy and i don't think Ryan does either, but this article sums up the lives of the rich pretty accurately. Especially the trying to act poor part…My freshman year, I was so confused by rich people acting like bums. “Why? why act like a bum, have you ever seen how a bum actually lives?” haha


    I love my sister but she is rich and this describe her to a T. Perhaps we should all consider acting out the Aerosmith song “Eat the Rich” from the 1993 album Get a Grip.

  • Ritch Bitch

    I'm Rich, bitch.

  • Omar De Col

    i'm rich (in bandwidth)

  • uhnonnymus

    Just don't hang out in West LA, problem solved.

  • NoahTourjee

    I am going to open a $175 / hr Nap Parlor in my apartment. Free Shrimp and Incense.

    • P. H. Madore

      This is a brilliant fucking idea.

  • P. H. Madore

    I like my rich people to be like Steve/Jimmy from Showtime's Shameless.

  • asdfghjkl;

    love is only anxiety inducing for rich people

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