Dear Gay Dude: Should Gay Guys Hook Up With Straight Dudes?

Dear Gay Dude,

As if being gay wasn’t gay enough, I’ve gotten myself into quite a hole (metaphorically, not sexually, I’m a total bottom). I’ve started the complicated procedure of talking to a “straight” guy. I’ve never dated, or fucked, a straight guy before and therefore I am totally lost here. What complicates the issue further is that said “straight” guy has fucked one of my gay friends before and thinks no one knows about it. My gay friend doesn’t care about this “straight” guy, who at the time was still dating a girl when he stuck his dick out of the closet and into my friend, and the subject is obviously not something I want to ask him about; so I come to you. He seems into me, talks to me throughout the day every day, and I know that all its takes is for him to get drunk one night and come over to fool around; but is it a good idea? What experience can you share about fucking “straight” guys?

-New at this

Hi New at this,

I feel like we’ve talked a lot about the interesting dynamic between straight and gay men. In fact this actually seems like a reversal of the question I answered a few weeks ago. I know I’ve made mention of my sexy past with straight dudes, but let me just break down each encounter for you.

Straight Boy # 1: The first straight guy I ever hooked up with happened to be the first boy I ever did anything with. I had been out of the closet for three days and wanted to smooch a boy so badly so I called up an old childhood friend who I figured might be into boys. I was basically like, “Hi. I’m gay now. Wanna come over and make out on my mom’s king-size bed while she’s at work?” Surprisingly, he said yes. Wow, I seriously can’t imagine doing this now, but never underestimate the power of a teenage boy’s libido. Anyway, he came over at, like, the most unsexy time—3:00 in the afternoon—and we went into my mom’s palatial palace of a room and started making out. I hadn’t seen him in awhile and I remembered him being sort of chubby, but when he showed up on my front door, he randomly was really ripped and in shape so I was super excited about that! After smooching on the bed for a bit, I started taking off his underwear when lo and behold, there was the biggest penis I had ever laid eyes on. Mind you it was the first penis I had ever seen, but even seven years later, it holds up as one of the biggest penises I’ve ever had to work with. You would think a porn star dick would be a teenage wet dream, but it was actually a nightmare. If you’ve never given a BJ, it’s best to start out small because they’re obviously easier to work with. But no, I got Dirk Diggler’s dick. I tried going down on it, but I kept gaging instantly. I was NOT ready for this. In the words of Destiny’s Child, I wasn’t ready for his jelly. His body was too dickilicous for me, baby. I basically gave up on it and then he jacked me off, went home, and got a girlfriend two weeks later. When you’re 17 and gay, hooking up with straight guys is really your only option. With that in mind, I don’t regret it.

Positive Straight Boy Experience: Yes.

Straight Boy # 2: This whole experience can be read about it here. Basically it was fun until it wasn’t, until it ruined friendships and became traumatizing. When hooking up with straight men, it’s important for you to realize how fragile they are. Be prepared for them to lash out at you and cut all ties because they aren’t ready to deal with same-sex intimacy.  If you have a strong friendship with someone, I would vote no on getting all gay with him. As soon as the orgasms fade, shit can get harsh real quick. And if you want to be his BF, you shouldn’t even think about smooching him. Chances are he will not come out of the closet and hold hands with you in the Castro.

Positive Straight Boy Experience: No.

Straight Boy # 3: I can’t get into specifics about this one because I’m still in contact with the dude and its sort of a big secret. But what I can say is that this was the most fascinating of the straight boy encounters. Out of the three, this guy was actually for real straight. He just got super turned on by being desired. Regardless of the gender, he enjoyed people wanting him.  The first time we hooked up, it was super porn fantasy and fun.  The second time, however, I stopped it halfway through because I was over it. He wouldn’t even kiss me and I felt so degraded. At 19, I’ll give you a blowjob because you’re hot and I’m horny and oh my god it’s freshman year. But at 22, the thought of giving someone who wasn’t even into me a blowjay, hurt my gay heart and soul. This put the nail in my straight boy coffin. After this, I said never no more to straight dudes. Even though it could be exciting, I felt like I was always getting screwed (in the bad way} in the end.

Positive Straight Boy Experience: No.

All of this being said, here’s my advice. Only hook up with this guy if you a} have no romantic BF feelings for him and b} can handle him getting weird and deleting you from his life. Really wonder what you want from this straight guy. If it’s just sex and a story to tell the grandkids, I would say go for it. But if you want something more, I would say don’t do it. It’s not worth getting emotionally attached to. Closeted gays are just too cray cray. Good luck in making your sexy decision!

Love,

Gay Dude

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Why would you ever give a “blowjay” to someone who didn't like you?

    • Paddy

      Because sometimes, it's just nice to have a dick in your mouth.

      • mrnorm

        real talk.

      • Bear

        This is the best comment I've ever read.

  • http://twitter.com/henryevil andrew

    I'm going to need live action re-enactments of those encounters. (Maybe not the last one because emotional torture porn) ThoughtCatalog can get a youtube account, right?

    • azi

      they would never let those videos stay up.

      • Simon Hancock

        xtube?

  • http://likethehours.wordpress.com/ devin howard

    not to get lost in the subjectivity of human sexuality or its fundamentally constructed nature but….if a straight guy hooks up with a gay guy then how is he a straight guy. I grant that he might not be a gay guy, but a straight guy?

    • Simon Hancock

      “Build a thousand bridges no one calls you an engineer, suck one dick everyone's going to call you a fag for the rest of your life”



      • http://likethehours.wordpress.com/ devin howard

        no, that isn't what I attempted to say, if it came across like that I apologize. And I guess it is kind of disingenuous to attach absolute meanings to a discursive framework so steeped in conventional religious orthodoxy (gay, straight). Binaries rarely, if ever, exist, I get that. They are typically manufactured to enforce moral, political, or social normative behaviors, yes, I understand.

        I'm just saying, a straight guy who hooks up with gay dudes has got a little wider range of sexual predilection than a truly 'straight' guy, if we are going to use the meaning of the word, which I think at some level you would have to do.

        Personally I don't believe in: gender, race, or sexual preference as distinctive categories. They are culturally constructed notions. But I am still in part bound to framing discussion within those parameters. Thus my earlier response.

  • Itsnotamatch

    I like the idea that there things you would do at 19 that you would never ever do at 22.

  • Inquisitor Pablo

    If the straight guy having sex with a gay guy, but also has a GF. Wouldn’t that make the straight guy bisexual, all my friend whether gay and straight would say if a straight guy hookup with a gay guy and still like girls than he is bi. As a bi, he could be predominant straight but have some feeling or have some restriction with a guy. Also if he’s with a GF or BF and hooking up with someone else with his GF or BF permission than he’s a cheater! Nuff said

  • Alan

    I have straight guy encounters all the time, of course I live in a really small town and most of the men here are straight with a little bit of bisexual tendencies. I have one guy who is married has children and is a high school football coach. I call him my straight married BF but I know nothing will ever come of it. still I love being naked with him and he loves to get a nice dick up his butt he turns me on and I him but I would never expect anything more

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