Dear Gay Dude: Can Guys Be Bisexual?

Dear Gay Dude,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. He’s cute, sweet, and a complete babe. I could totally see me having his babies someday (I mean, what?!) Anyway, the other day he broke down and told me he was bisexual. As in, he’s had sex with dudes before. Even though I hate to admit it, his confession left me a little freaked. The thought of my BF’s beautiful penis rubbing up against another beautiful penis is enough to make me want to run into the arms of a misogynistic macho football player! The thing is that I don’t really think guys can be bisexual. I fear it’s just a cover and I’m their second to last stop on the train to antique furniture and elaborate floral design. Am I being a close-minded bitch? Is it possible that my dude wants the P and the V?

– Bi-is he serious?

Dear bi-is he serious?,

Is Dinah Shore a national treasure? Yes, bisexuality is real for both men and women, but I totally get your apprehension. Let me tell you about the three straight dudes I’ve hooked up with. Two of them were total closet cases and one of them just got off on being desired. Like he was totally straight and into girls, but it turned him on that he was wanted. My point is that sexuality is a weird freaky thing. I don’t think it’s as fluid as a waterfall of love, peace, and understanding, but there are definite grey/gay areas.

I do think that bisexuality is rarer in men than in women. Why? Erections. Women can have sex with whoever they want and they don’t need to be that into it in order for it to actually happen. Men, however, need their penis to react positively to the sight of someone’s naked body. If there’s no hard pulsating throbbing cock, there’s no nookie. I honestly think that there would be more same sex loving amongst men if they weren’t entirely ruled by the mood of their penises. I think they could be more like women and get physical with someone they had a strong emotional connection with. Once a straight guy friend of mine told me that he tried to hook up with this guy he really liked once, but his penis wasn’t having it. Instead, he had to accept the burden of his heterosexuality and go home. *tear for him*

The fact that your dude wants to get down with your lady parts and possibly Neil Patrick Harris is actually kind of cool. Personally, I’m fascinated by authentic bisexual men. I feel like they’re almost an urban legend or something, something we’ve only read about in fairytales. I hate to say this, but I do think that most people prefer one sex over the other though. Like they can be bi and get down with both, but I almost always think there’s a preference.

It’s interesting that a lot of girls are freaked out by bisexual men because bisexual women are typically celebrated. It’s a plus, not a minus, that they’re down down with both genders. Bi men, however, wear their flexible sexuality as a scarlet letter: “B” for bisexual brat. I think it’s because women hold on to all of these antiquated ideas about masculinity when they’re dating someone. Not to be all gross and Freudian, but it’s like they see a little bit of their father in who they’re dating, and they never want to imagine their dads smooching men.

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t worry about your BF living la vida bi. If he gives you great orgasms, can maintain an erection, and wants to fuck you 24/7, consider yourself lucky. You’ve stumbled upon a rare breed of dude. Capture his essence and put it in a mason jar. Sell it to The Whitney. It’s major.

Love,

Gay Dude TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

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  • wishboyfriendwasqueer6969

    The idea of my boyfriend sucking another boy's cock is enough to get me wet just writing this. I'm one of those awful girlfriends who tries to beg her boyfriend to be bisexual just because she's hyper pervy for boys.

    • Anonymous

      me too.

    • PERFECTCIRCLES

      We appreciate your honesty.

    • ANONYMOUS

      I've never felt attracted to men, but would probably suck a cock if my wife was super into it.

    • Ambroseathan

      I am on the other side of that equation. I wish I could find a girlfriend who was actually okay with me being a Bi male. They tend to be okay with it for a while, but sooner or later they freak themselves out about it.

    • Guildtheraw

      I volunteer. 

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/writings/a-boner-for-like-ever-by-brian-mcelmurry/ Brian McElmurry

    NPH

  • Robertbenesh

    Ryan, you are awesome, man.

  • dannecf

    is this comment section new? or did I finally read a complete post on this site

    :{)

  • HiredGoons

    I have also hooked up with several bisexual or typically-straight men (including my best friend!) so yes, it exists. I'll have to tell you about the bodacious Iraqi-vet on crutches I picked up at an EV dive bar some other time.

    (also: thanks for a fun night Ryan! Nice meeting you last night)

  • Hitter

    guys fucking guys is so hot

  • http://twitter.com/jenlindblad Jen Lindblad

    “Sell it to the Whitney” – THAT was major!

  • http://twitter.com/askabisexualguy Ask a Bisexual Guy

    Yup, we exist. We are slaves to the schlong anymore than we are slaves to the vag. If you worry about us cheating with another guy we'll be sure to cheat with another girl if it would make you feel better. I mean we were planning to be faithful but…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

    I'm always saying I wish I was gay but maybe bi is better, that's a lot of people you can fuck.
    I'm stuck being straight and fucking no-one.

  • http://profiles.google.com/btlcs90 syahmi azri

    aww, how I wish I can have sex at least once with any gender, then only I can decide what i am. Maybe i should get off this computer and start hooking up. but I think I'm asexual.

  • AnonymousCA

    I’ve masturbated to both men and women on videos but I don’t see myself with a man for the rest of my life. I never had sex with a man and can not see myself doing it in real life but I continue to have fantasies. What do you guys think

  • MK

    Yes I am an openly bisexual guy. Which can be tough because everyone questions it. But I have had LTRs with both F and M and now with two bisexual girls. There is a lot of pressure on men to appear act straight if they want to date women. So a lot of bi guys just say they are straight. In fact in my experience most do. I came out with my girlfriend and after we both explored both I and she realized we could be in relationship with either and have. That was 20 years ago. I am very glad I am bisexual but there really is a lot of harassment I have had to put up with as well as heartbreak on both sides. As far as LTRs bisexual girls have always been my best most loving and understanding companions. Straight women and gay men usually have a difficult time understanding and often get way jealous as I flirt spontaneously with everyone.

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    […] in the piece that he is bisexual and that calling him “gay” in the headline, furthers the invisibility bisexuals already face. Even to other gay people, sometimes we don’t […]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/12/on-passing-for-straight/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] in the piece that he is bisexual and that calling him “gay” in the headline, furthers the invisibility bisexuals already face. Even to other gay people, sometimes we don’t […]

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