Dear Gay Dude,
I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. He’s cute, sweet, and a complete babe. I could totally see me having his babies someday (I mean, what?!) Anyway, the other day he broke down and told me he was bisexual. As in, he’s had sex with dudes before. Even though I hate to admit it, his confession left me a little freaked. The thought of my BF’s beautiful penis rubbing up against another beautiful penis is enough to make me want to run into the arms of a misogynistic macho football player! The thing is that I don’t really think guys can be bisexual. I fear it’s just a cover and I’m their second to last stop on the train to antique furniture and elaborate floral design. Am I being a close-minded bitch? Is it possible that my dude wants the P and the V?
– Bi-is he serious?
Dear bi-is he serious?,
Is Dinah Shore a national treasure? Yes, bisexuality is real for both men and women, but I totally get your apprehension. Let me tell you about the three straight dudes I’ve hooked up with. Two of them were total closet cases and one of them just got off on being desired. Like he was totally straight and into girls, but it turned him on that he was wanted. My point is that sexuality is a weird freaky thing. I don’t think it’s as fluid as a waterfall of love, peace, and understanding, but there are definite grey/gay areas.
I do think that bisexuality is rarer in men than in women. Why? Erections. Women can have sex with whoever they want and they don’t need to be that into it in order for it to actually happen. Men, however, need their penis to react positively to the sight of someone’s naked body. If there’s no hard pulsating throbbing cock, there’s no nookie. I honestly think that there would be more same sex loving amongst men if they weren’t entirely ruled by the mood of their penises. I think they could be more like women and get physical with someone they had a strong emotional connection with. Once a straight guy friend of mine told me that he tried to hook up with this guy he really liked once, but his penis wasn’t having it. Instead, he had to accept the burden of his heterosexuality and go home. *tear for him*
The fact that your dude wants to get down with your lady parts and possibly Neil Patrick Harris is actually kind of cool. Personally, I’m fascinated by authentic bisexual men. I feel like they’re almost an urban legend or something, something we’ve only read about in fairytales. I hate to say this, but I do think that most people prefer one sex over the other though. Like they can be bi and get down with both, but I almost always think there’s a preference.
It’s interesting that a lot of girls are freaked out by bisexual men because bisexual women are typically celebrated. It’s a plus, not a minus, that they’re down down with both genders. Bi men, however, wear their flexible sexuality as a scarlet letter: “B” for bisexual brat. I think it’s because women hold on to all of these antiquated ideas about masculinity when they’re dating someone. Not to be all gross and Freudian, but it’s like they see a little bit of their father in who they’re dating, and they never want to imagine their dads smooching men.
At the end of the day, I wouldn’t worry about your BF living la vida bi. If he gives you great orgasms, can maintain an erection, and wants to fuck you 24/7, consider yourself lucky. You’ve stumbled upon a rare breed of dude. Capture his essence and put it in a mason jar. Sell it to The Whitney. It’s major.