Blogging 'Bout My Generation

I don’t have a job because I’m young. Haven’t you read that New York Times piece about me? I don’t want to work. I’m just looking for a full-time job as a Young Unprofessional. The requirements would be to have no work ethic, show up to “work” hungover after having a wild night out, and tweeting mean things about my boss. Is anyone hiring? I need money to buy Kombucha and Xanax. This is serious. Give me a job, you crypt keepers! if not, I’ll just continue to be the person you want me to be—lying on my iKea couch watching Reality Bites. Life imitates blog.

I don’t know how to love anyone because I’m young. In other languages, “young” loosely translates to “heartless creep with a nice ass.” You better watch it because a young person with internet access is coming to a bed near you! If you disappoint me, I’ll tweet about it to my 1,298 followers.  I am that evil. People would describe me as a character on Skins mixed with any Bret Easton Ellis character. My narcissism is scarier than any demon you could conjure.

I don’t have any money because I’m young. But you know I still buy exclusively organic at Whole Foods and you know I’ll spend my last twenty dollars on a macrobiotic salad because I partied hard last night and need to start treating my body with respect. Money is overrated anyway. The real currency is in a blog comment, an American Apparel leotard, a new Twitter follower, a how to guide on living, dreaming, breathing.

I do tons of drugs because I’m young, Yikes, I have a headache. I better take an Oxy! I place no real value on my life, didn’t you know? I choose doing coke over having sex because meaningful connections terrify me and I’m just so disconnected. What is this? Real emotion? Get it off of me! Did I catch it? I better have vacuous sex with a stranger. I read somewhere that it’s the only way to get rid of real feelings. That’s what young people do anyway. Right?

I listen to Grizzly Bear because I’m young. I love riding my bike to the summer festivals in a crop top and tweeting, “Riding my beach cruiser in a crop top to see grizzly b. Summer skin, laughter and mimosas!” I’ll then do a Twitpic and post it to my Facebook and Tumblr, and by the end of the night, my vapid youth will have cum all over the world wide web. You’ll hate me for all of it because I’m young. I will feed into it exactly the way you want me to.

You want me to be bad, don’t you? You want to talk about how awful I am and how my generation is fucked and how I need to get a job and get some perspective and some feelings and a pair of boot cut jeans, for christ’s sake!  Fine. Because I’m young, I’ll give you something to blog about. But only because I’m young. TC mark

image – Jack Siegel

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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    Don't drag Grizzly Bear into this.

    • Jocelyn

      i think wavves or that best coast girl would be more appropriate.

  • trancey

    @Ryan: Ever thought about creating some kind of ranking system for recent blogs so great entries can show up for those who visit this site less frequently? Seems like so many blogs are posted everyday and the better entries are being lost to the internet archives too quickly.

  • sip

    Ryan, i love you because i am also young.

  • Yakopian


  • Brian McElmurry

    The internet is weird. I liked this a lot. It's weird the fb photo, tweets and shit. I'm on the internet most the time because I'm bored at work. And luckily Ryan O'Connell is cranking out the satire! Sweet!

  • Michael Zunenshine

    What's the cut-off age for 'young' or is simply being a narcissistic “heartless creep with a nice ass” enough?

  • Molly

    isn't this subject painfully dragged out enough as it is?

    • joe


      LOVE, HJ

  • angiephone

    hahahhaha! I'm so glad I'm not young anymore.

    • extremeith

      no ur not

      • Some facebook asshole

        But I actually am. 41 means threesomes without regret and mimosas for breakfast anytime you want.

      • MONSTER

        23 means the same thing, but with better hair and skin.

  • jmbg

    This piece has great spirit, Ryan—desperation and defiance at once. When you aren't shaming/enraging me by pointing out my youthful idiosyncrasies, you're making me feel understood.

  • rilez

    Weird considering the “hip” neighborhood in Seattle that I live in is “hip” because of this how-to-be-a-total-unproductive-douche mentality. Kinda concerned that this is what's “cool.” Actually, real concerned.

  • Byron Burns

    I love you, Ryan.

  • RamonaCC

    Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent.

  • Melissa Brandt

    that was perfect
    you're so perfect ryan o'connell

  • anonymous

    Ryan, your articles are always the best.

  • andrew

    story of my life

  • meditationsonasubway

    “… my vapid youth will have cum all over the world wide web.” <— DOPENESS

    I'm also a 20-something that's also in love with Whole Foods (stupid, delicious turkey meatballs), illegal substances (stupid, antiquated drug laws) and crop tops (stupid, sexy hipsters), let's be friends so I can surreptitiously play Words with Friends with you while I'm at work instead of writing these TPS reports..

    • Flanges

      stupid anti pimping laws

  • Kia Etienne

    Ryan, you somehow know the intricate details of my life.

  • Gabrielle Bodek

    This was truly thrilling, I think you've encapsulated our generation to a T. We do suffer from the American false dream of perfection and achievement. And we are the only country with this much pressure and anxiety from doing absolutely nothing.

  • seejohnstun

    I liked this, but I'm bothered by the larger assumption (that comes up beyond this website) that these life experiences apply to all of us born within a certain period. This whole cultural aesthetic/practice of whole foods eating, leotard wearing, self-involved bloggers (even when described and dealt with satirically) only applies to a relative few of us who tend to be highly educated and generally come from a very specific (relatively privileged) socioeconomic location.

    I appreciate and relate to much of the writing on this site, but it seems the perspectives/topics are limited due to their relative sameness. This is the small liberal arts college of writing sites, but I don't mean this as a value judgement. Because a lot of the pieces here are written well, I'd like to see more risks in the subject matter.

    • rilez

      I don't think he's assuming, because he's also a 20-something but obviously is holdin' down a job.

  • Tim

    Fuck Yeah Ryan! I really felt the sarcasm and vitriol building in this one.

    To all the commentors out there who are turned off by this negative, stereotyped portrayal of our generation, well, this is clearly satire. I think Ryan's point is that not everyone our age is a hipster from Williamsburg, and it's really limiting to portray us as such.

    I do love Whole Foods, Grizzly Bear, and being young and beautiful.

    But I also hate Oxy, vacuous sex, and being unemployed.

    Go figure?

  • Keri

    This is well written, clearly sarcastic and born of frustration of representation, but I gotta say these meta-meta (Post-meta? God, shoot me in the face) reflections are just starting to look like a snake eating his tail.

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