Awful Things Women Have To Deal With That Men Don’t

In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to blog about all the fucked up things women have to deal with that men don’t. This extends beyond childbirth and periods. I know I don’t have a vagina, but I’m gay so that means I get 30% of what it feels like to be a girl and 100% get what it feels like to be a second-class citizen. So put on your feminists hats (mine is from Balenciaga) and let’s get outraged.

1. Getting catcalled

This one summer I lived off of Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood in the thick of Boys Town—the city’s gayest section—and whenever I would walk down the main drag to go to the grocery store or whatever, I would get stared down by all of these gay men in the rudest most obvious of ways. It got to the point where I was just so uncomfortable that I took side streets to get anywhere. I remember just thinking to myself, “This is what women deal with every single day. Except they actually get called more obscene and degrading things. Fuck me.” It’s like you need to wear a full body condom when you go outside because by the time you’ve reached your destination, you feel like you’ve been raped by all of these disgusting men. Walking down the street without fear of being violated is a luxury most men take for granted.

2. Being told you’re fat and ugly by the media

Certainly magazines like Details and GQ perpetuate this male body ideal by offering workout tips and putting half-naked muscle men on the cover. However, it’s nowhere near the body-shaming women have to deal with. Magazines like Cosmo and Vogue tear women down so they’ll need their advice to bring them back up. Tabloids run a story about a reality starlet confessing to an eating disorder while posing in a bikini. (No, seriously. This happened when Stephanie Pratt appeared on the cover of Us Weekly in the summer of 2009.) With women, there is a right way to look, a right way to love your boyfriend, a right way to do everything. Men, meanwhile,  are much more flexible in their masculinity.  They can gain a little weight and it makes them endearing. I can only imagine what it would feel like to see damaging headlines about your gender everyday.

3. Having to deal with the Judd Apatow rules for relationships

In films and TV, we are constantly inundated with these images of a chubby average-looking guy dating a supermodel. This is apparent especially in Judd Apatow films and the latest comedy, The Dilemma in which Kevin James and Vince Vaughn are married to knockouts Winona Ryder and Jennifer Connelly. The inequity in looks isn’t what bothers me. Attractive people shouldn’t date exclusively attractive people. What does annoy me though is that the roles have never been reversed. What if an actress like Camryn Manheim was paired up with Brad Pitt in a romantic comedy? People would flip their shit. It would be like Shallow Hal version 2.0. These TV shows and movies are just reflections of the male fantasy—the idea that the gross guy is able to bag the hottest girl in the room—and it’s unfortunately become a part of our cultural narrative.

4. Being pitted against your own gender

Men have a healthy sense of competition with one another, but they’re mostly seen as having camaraderie and brotherhood. Fraternities, for example, are viewed as one giant happy family while sororities are perceived as catty and full of backstabbing. It’s like women are taught at an early age to go against each other. If their boyfriend cheats on them, they’ll misdirect the anger towards the girl and slut-shame her. That’s why Mean Girls was so important. Besides being hilarious, it exposed the bleak reality of girl-on-girl hate that’s totally encouraged by misogynistic men. If women are constantly at each other’s throats, it obviously will prevent them from advancing as a gender. You know what’s the grossest though? When self-help garbage like He’s Just Not That Into You and Women Who Love Too Much claim to be progressive and helpful to women, but are actually just as harmful as a book written by Tucker Max.

5. Becoming invisible with age

It’s simple. When a woman gets older, she’s forced to inject poison in her skin, dye her hair, and do whatever she needs to do to fight the clock. Men, however,  can glide gracefully into old age. They get better with each birthday like a bottle of fine wine. Each silver hair speck in their hair makes them seem sexier and mature. We have the term “silver fox” to reflect this attitude. Can you imagine if it also applied to women? As if. Grey hair is most women’s worst nightmare. Both my mother and grandmother have been dyeing their hair for years. But men like George Clooney and Anderson Cooper can embrace their hair color and have it actually enhance their sexiness. Clooney can be cast as a romantic lead when he’s 65 and have it be completely believable whereas a woman’s attractiveness has an expiration date. To put it bluntly, people still want to fuck a 60-year-old man, but not a 60-year-old woman.

So, yeah. Being a girl is hard. It’s so hard that they need their own day to acknowledge all the shit they’re put through daily. It would be nice if we didn’t even need a day to represent women as “the other suffering gender.” It would be nice to have them treated fairly and equally every day. Yup. Would be nice. TC mark

image – The Ugly Truth

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • deecie

    LOVED THIS.

  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    Every single one of these is true. That's why I'm a feminist.

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ HBGWHEM

    what about that whole bleeding out of your vagina thing? that seems like it would suck.

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      It's really not that bad. Getting paid in cents is way worse :P

  • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

    Wow, I was in tears at the end of this article. The author was able to articulate all of these things way better than I. I feel guilty, but I wish the author was a straight man, lol. Are there straight men out there that understand this, or at least try? Because I want that one :P

    • anonymous coward

      I can assure you that we exist, but we're generally mindful of not intruding into others' personal space (unlike our unruly brethren), so we're inherently less noticeable. :

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        I hear guys say that they are “the good ones” all the time. You learn not to trust any of them. No offense. You may be a “good one,” or you may not. This has yet to be determined. You're guilty until proven innocent, lol. I hope you're not offended by my pessimism :( And please keep being a good person!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        For those interested, “a good woman” is just as hard to find.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Lomho Lam Ho

      I do but i am in seattle, WA. ;)

  • http://twitter.com/HeliosofSweden Christoffer Lindgren

    ITT: Implying all of this is men's fault. Stop buying into the crap and start making a difference, if you really want to see a change.

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      Who was blaming men? I'm pretty sure this article was blaming society.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        It kind of looks like the media is responsible here. jmo

    • Ben

      i think by writing about it, ryan is acknowledging it and quietly making a difference. it's at least better than just accepting it and not thinking about it.

    • Idgitsall

      Oh, we're so sorry, Christoffer, to hurt your sensitive manfeelings. Poor baby.

      It's just so easy and helpful for you to tell us women what to do — so easy to follow your cogent and insightful instructions!

      I can't imagine how we ever managed without you…

      • Tommy

        Oh man, we have some crazy feminists on board, don't we?

        Life blows as people. Granted, things for women are way worse, in some ways, but life is unfair for everyone. I'm not saying we shouldn't work for change, but there is no point demonizing one gender. It would be more efficient to work together, right? I've never done any of these things to a woman, and I would be really tempted to punch a guy in the mouth if he ever said something like that.

        Blaming someone may make you feel better, but it's not as effective as having an honest discussion.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        NOBODY IS BLAMING MEN! I'm sorry I had to yell, but it seems like every time someone mentions hardships that women face, automatically, they MUST be blaming men for it. That's not true. This makes things hard to bring up which makes things hard to change. We would get farther if people stopped taking offense to non-existent accusations and started listening. I understand you mean well, but seriously, no one is blaming you.

      • STFUPatriarchy

        You lost me at “crazy feminists.”

        Dear Men,

        Shut the fuck up getting all defensive and butthurt whenever women (very rarely) discuss the hardships they face on a daily basis because of the patriarchy. Cut it out with the condescending mansplaining! We get your male perspective all the frickin' time (see: every single history class ever, network news, Hollywood, this Tommy fella, etc etc). Shut up (for once) and let us voice our opinions.

        xoxo
        A “CRAZY FEMINIST”

    • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

      Oooooh Christoffer, please help me. You seem to know all the answers. How can I stop men from yelling obscene things at me while I am walking down the street? What exactly do I need to stop buying into for these creeps to stop?

  • http://twitter.com/dianasof Diana Z.

    I was walking out of a building yesterday, after doing some passport paperwork, and I was buttoning my coat up. Some asshole riding a bicycle in the opposite direction (on the sidewalk, might I add) yelled “stuff those giant titties in that coat”.
    Seriously.
    I lived in Mexico City for 12 years, so I'm no stranger to creepy assholes that feel like they have the right to tell you that disgusting shit. I'm used to dealing with that there. But I've lived in Vancouver for almost 4 years, and in that time I'd forgotten what it feels like to be catcalled in such a gross way, because it rarely ever happens. So while I would've usually yelled something back, I just stood there shocked, powerless. That asshole had literally rolled into my bubble while I was walking, minding my own business, said whatever he wanted to say (I guess I should've taken it as a compliment??), and moved on. I'm ashamed to say I started crying. Not because of what he said, but because of the powerlesness I felt. You're just supossed to shrug it off after you've been disrespected in that way? And that's the status quo. Men catcall, women are supposed to laugh it off and say “boys will be boys”.

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      I understand the feeling. Because what are you going to do? Yell back? If you're with your girlfriends maybe because than you can yell louder than the creep and blot out whatever he's got to say next, but from what I've noticed, cat-callers like to wait until you're alone.

  • HiredGoons

    “What if an actress like Camryn Manheim was paired up with Brad Pitt in a romantic comedy?”

    I can only assume you're hedging for a remake of 'Misery.'

  • Zoë

    Love you, Ryan. Proud to call you my real-life friend.

  • http://wayindie.blogspot.com kelly huckaby

    don't you get it girls? he's just not that into you! helloooooo

  • http://www.calvinmarkus.com Calvinmarkus

    well written and enjoyable. good job ryan

  • http://www.theuglynewyorker.com Stephanie Georgopulos

    I would like to add being the only sex expected to take birth control every day. It is hard to remember when you're busy, and bad things happen when you miss a day or two (not just getting knocked up). The alternatives (shot and nuvaring) can give you bloodclots or make you go buck ass cray. So, yeah. Birth control is lame.com.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

      With modern medicine, you don't have to take BC everyday.

    • Gregpphoto

      At least you get to feel it when you fuck. CONDOMS. Enough said.

      • AJ

        Well, actually, DepoProvera and other testoterone-suppressing birth control drugs decrease sensation in nipples, clitorises, the first 1/3 of the vaginal canal, and other high-senstivity places on women. AND they decrease sexual desire and response (like natural lubrication), but that's a relatively well-known side-effect.

        And hey, if you don't want to buy condoms, don't have sex, honey.

  • Tommmmmm

    These are very western-centric problems.

    • Lauren

      Gee, Tommm, I had no idea that the non-Western world was so gender-progressive. Glad to be enlightened!

      But what about Sharia law? Honor killings? Clitoridectomies? Income disparity? The fact that women and children get seated last at the table (literally and legally) throughout the entire world?

      Hmm… got any examples of this amazing progressive wonderland that is the non-Western world? I'd sure like to hop on board…

      Uh, thought not.

      • Tommmmmm

        Woah, hold on, my point was exactly that those problems weren't highlighted. It is international women's day, not pretty white girl's day.

      • Tommmmmm

        ok that was a little harsh. These are problems that women face and are important, but if you really want to talk about women's problems in the world there are much, much bigger issues.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        They are all big issues. Just because things are less progressive elsewhere doesn't mean that I'm going to stop caring about what's happening in my own backyard (TO ME).

      • guest

        agreed. suffering is happening everywhere – which doesn't mean we should ignore or dismiss suffering that seems “normal” in our own culture. we don't need to keep pitting/comparing our own suffering against others. rather, we need to work to fix all of the suffering and oppression.

      • http://twitter.com/dianasof Diana Z.

        Well, I think the author was speaking from personal experience. if he had written about international women's issues, he would have been berated for pretending to know about something he hasn't experienced first hand. You can be a better critic of your own culture than of one in which you've never lived.

    • JC

      Nope I get them in Hong Kong.

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      So because women have it harder in the east, we should forget about the societal issues in the west? I'd say it's all pretty important.

  • faith

    This is sadly entirely true.
    It sucks to have to go through 5 cat calls on a walk to a coffeeshop to do use wifi.
    I'd prefer to not hear stangers yell things at me that include the phrase “your titties” every afternoon.
    It's not what I wear that draws that attention either. I've literally worn turtlenecks and gotten an even more degrading response.

    • ChrisLane

      damn. same thing happens to my girlfriend if i'm not with her, when i'm with her i can give all the weird ass guys a certain look so they know not to say anything, plus i'm taller and stronger than the average joe which helps.

      is there something girls can do besides just ignore them? such a tricky situation…

      • faith

        The best thing you can do is ignore them. And its true that its hardly a problem if you have a boy with you. Which is unsettling because it reaffirms that its our gender only that does incites these explicit responses.

  • AMD

    The part about cat-calling really hit home for me, a few of my girlfriends and I have tried to explain the gut-dropping, fight-or-flight feeling that hits your every nerve when a man, or worse, a group of guys, starts calling out and harassing a girl as she walks by, but guys never seem to get it. They just laugh it off and say it's harmless or a compliment, or even try to claim that they can't help themselves. Please.
    It actually makes me feel like a piece of sexual prey. I blush, avert my eyes, maybe on my meanest days I glare back, but usually that just elicits more remarks – “oh, this ones a fiesty bitch, thats OK honey I like it rough” etc. … F YOU.

    • emily

      lol that's never happened to me.
      am I ugly

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        No. I suppose it depends on where you live and when you leave the house. If you are looking to get a catcall, try a big city at midnight. You'll find loads of them on the weekends near the bars.

  • Sa

    Thanks for writing this Ryan.

  • Guest199934

    Women do get the short end of the stick, no doubt. But…

    Note the contradiction between #1 and #5. I've had numerous 40+ women tell me how much they resented being the center of men's attention until they stopped turning heads when they walked in the room, and how much they started resenting the pretty, young things who continue to turn heads. Sexiness is a double-edged sword.

    Re: #2, plastic surgery is growing far faster among men than it is among women. If you think Barbie Dolls offer unrealistic vision of the female body, have you looked at WWF or superhero dolls for boys lately?

    Who teaches little girls proper gender roles primarily? Women or men?

    Boys suffer from sexual abuse far more frequently than is acknowledged.

    Women physically abuse men far more than as is acknowledged; but, yes, men tend to do much more physical damage. Men massively under-report abuse b/c of the social stigma associated with it. Woman-on-woman lesbian abuse is similarly under-reported.

    Yes, women pay attention to older men with money and power more than the reverse, but how many women pay attention to older men who lack money and power?

    Who teaches women to compete against themselves? Their father? Their mothers? Sisters? Brothers?

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      “I've had numerous 40+ women tell me how much they resented being the center of men's attention until they stopped turning heads when they walked in the room, and how much they started resenting the pretty, young things who continue to turn heads”

      I'm not sure if they hate not being able to “turn heads” anymore quite as much as not being able to be paid attention to anymore. I think Tina Fey summed things up in The New Yorker when she said that she has a “suspicion that the definition of “crazy” in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore.”

      Also, you ask who is teaching our children such gender roles, as if the blame should be put on a particular gender. Society is the problem. That is what we are trying to change. If you think this is all about “man-bashing,” it's not. That's just a guilty conscience.

      • Guest199934

        Yes, numerous 40+ women have specifically told me they resent not being able to “turn heads” anymore in exactly those words. Their words, not mine. The phrase has come up so many times it finally really hit home.

        I have daughters and I argue against their own objectification of themselves on a regular basis. They are interested in modeling (and they have had offers, as they are poised & gorgeous), and I refuse to allow it and continue to tell them that modeling is a mindless profession that is beneath their brilliant minds (they are of the age where the decision is mine and their mother's, of course, that will change when they turn 18).

        What I see time and time again is that the pressure to objectify themselves comes primarily from other females, not males. The nasty objectification of adolescent girls derives primarily from girls and their mothers (though, not from my daughters' mother). It is sick.

        “Man bashing” is your phrase. A simple word search will reveal that I never used that phrase.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        I understand that those are probably the words used. I was trying to explain what those words meant.

        Also, I never thought that you used the word “man-bash.” I generally use quotes for “man-bash” because that is a term that I hear people use towards feminists a lot. It didn't have anything to do with your post.

      • Guest199934

        Obviously you believe you think you know what these women have been thinking even though you've never spoken to them personally. These are articulate, intelligent women who mean what they say. And, they mean what they say literally. Grant them that much ability, will you?

        Oh, come now. For you to respond to my post and then claim, “It didn't have anything to do with your post” is pure passive aggression–a characteristic of far too many men and women. Take responsibility for yourself.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        How do you know these women say literally what they mean all the time. Who are these women? Personally, I don't think anyone says literally what they mean all the time. I would go as far to say that people rarely say what they mean. Just my opinion.

        Also, you come off as a little bitter. I feel like you're angry because I have a different opinion than you, and it's very off-putting.

      • guest

        re: re: #2
        just fyi, labiaplasty is the fastest-growing cosmetic surgery in the U.S.

    • http://twitter.com/dianasof Diana Z.

      There's a difference between “turning heads” and being catcalled and harassed.

    • squanderlust

      I think it's important to make a distinction between “turning heads” and being catcalled. The latter perpetuates the notion that women's bodies are public property and can be dehumanizing. The former does not.

    • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

      “Note the contradiction between #1 and #5. I've had numerous 40+ women tell me how much they resented being the center of men's attention until they stopped turning heads when they walked in the room, and how much they started resenting the pretty, young things who continue to turn heads. Sexiness is a double-edged sword.”

      Sexiness is NOT a double-edged sword for a man. The difference between men and women is that a man can dress or act however he wants in order to attract women without having to worry about being harassed or even assaulted because of it. Additionally, how many men have to worry about being “too attractive” — that people will not take them seriously because of the way that they look? I'd bet not very many. In terms of appearance, women have to walk an incredibly fine line — the standards of physical appearance ARE much higher for women, whether you will admit that or not (as the article pointed out, Hollywood is a pretty good example of this). Women are easily ignored or overlooked if they're not considered attractive. However, dressing in a way that's “too sexy” is of course equally bad. Trying to maintain your appearance when you get older? Well, you're probably a cougar, then. Funnily enough, we don't really have a word for an older man who goes after younger women. We do have one for the younger women, though — gold digger.

      Also, one thing that men don't seem to understand or realize at all is that cat calls do not only occur when a woman is marching down the street in high heels and a mini skirt, on her way out for the evening. I've had men yell obscene things at me while I was walking home from school in jeans and a bulky coat. It actually has far less to do with the way a woman looks and much more to do with an aggressive man seeking to actively disrespect a woman.

      Your comment smacks of sexism, to be honest. Tacking on “Women get the short end of the stick BUT…” doesn't change that. Yes, men suffer physical abuse. Yes, there are unrealistic body images presented to men. Yes, men sometimes do not garner as much attention as they age. No one is arguing that these things don't exist. But the average male does not deal with these issues on the same level that the average women does.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        All I have to say is… I love you :P

      • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

        Haha thanks! Replying to some of these makes me feel like I'm banging my head against the wall, so I'm gonna stop :p

        I'll look you up on Twitter, though!

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        lol, I know the feeling :P

      • Just a man

        I got this far into the comments and had to chime in.

        First of all, the reality is that some men catcall and physically intimidate women. This, by no means, is the majority of men.

        Second, why are women the arbiters of what men think is sexy? Men have widely divergent tastes in terms of physical characteristics. Yes, many like centerfold quality women, but tell me, don't women like the same thing? Are you telling me that Clooney or Pitt aren't the secret fantasy men of a vast number of women?

        The conclusion that I have to reach from these posts is that women look to the media and external sources to tell them what they should look like. I don't know many men who tell their female companions to dye their hair, or get poison injected into their faces, (I'll give you boob jobs though), etc.

        The behaviours described in the article and the posts remind me that humans are merely animals. Males of the species attempt to mate with as many suitable females as possible, while females attempt to attract the “best” mate. This doesn't justify boorish behaviour, but I can say that, with five sisters, I never saw them getting instruction from our mother or any other women to behave in their cut-throat and back-stabbing manner. If they don't get formal “instruction” in this area, where does the behaviour come from?

        Most of the behaviours we see are simply our nature; amplified and exagerated by society. Men are brutishly simple, we like “attractive” women. We are virtually incapable of “looking” at an attractive woman without getting caught by our significant other. Women, on the other hand, are incredibly sneaky in that they “look” at attractive men just as often as men look at women, however, it is rare the man who can catch a woman doing so.

        The average male deals with an awful lot of things that the average female doesn't. Women have it hard and society has frequently “made” them second class citizens. But inequality is clearly evident for both sexes.

  • guest

    amazing piece. thought i love men too much to be a feminist

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      Ya, it's a popular misconception that to be a feminist, you have to despise men, when actually, you just have to love yourself.

      • http://wayindie.blogspot.com kelly huckaby

        being a feminist is the same as being a racist

      • AJ

        If you're referring to the long, awful history that white, middle- to upper-class feminism has with racism, classism, and gay/queer alienation, then yes, you're correct. However, many feminists, womanists, and LOTS of other female empowerment groups are trying incredibly hard to overcome this past and to work together to create another wave of the women's movement – this time including as many women as are willing to contribute, participate and support.

        That being said, of course there are feminists who are racists, who are homophobic, who are transphobic, who are rape-apologists. No group is perfect, but please do more research before you make blanket statements like this.

    • sarah

      Jesus fucking Christ. This “I'm a feminist…BUT” behavior needs to be stopped. Being a feminist and loving men aren't mutually exclusive, you know.

      Anyways, this piece was great and funny and sad and true. I liked it very much.

  • http://www.facebook.com/leckybang Becky Lang

    my gripe is that women's media is “dumb” and men's media, if dumb, becomes ironically cool.

    • Guest199934

      Why do you put “dumb” in quotes, but not “ironically cool”? Why are you using passive construction? Who, exactly considers “women's media” “dumb” and who exactly considers “men's media” “ironically cool”?

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        I'm assuming she quoted “dumb” because that was not her word and didn't quote “ironically cool” because those were her words.

  • Jezebel Walkabout

    When I did my last year of high school in Japan, my friends would often come to school upset because they were groped on the subway on the way to school. We would all console her and then that was the end of it.

    I was stuck in the city one weekend and had to catch the subway in peak hour. I was sqaushed up against the glass door when I felt a hand near my crotch. It's pretty crowded, I thought and brushed it off.
    Then the hand started moving slowly upwards until it groped my breast (which left bruises).

    Being australian I promptly trailed the arm back to its owner and landed a swift blow to his brow bone.

    At the next stop I was escorted off the train by a guard and given a warning about 'terrorising' other travellers.

    Sure, it's okay to sexually molest girls on a daily basis, but not for a school girl to defend herself. Fucking bulldust.

  • sam

    “This extends beyond childbirth and periods”.
    Love that you did not write about the same clichés.
    Above all, proud to be a woman :D

  • obsessions

    this. this. THIS.
    thank you.
    equality ftw!

  • ZaneEatsWorld

    Interesting point about Judd Apatow: Sure, his movies are wish fulfillment in guys (or at least are marketed as such), but couldn't you say the same thing about your average rom-com for females?

    Both are unrealistic in their depiction of relationships, and while Apptow's movie's do reflect a gender double standard in hollywood, I wouldn't say this bias leaves the sliver screen. In the sense that women can choose to marry whomever they want. (or, as the case may be, abstain entirely).

  • man

    waaaaaaaaaaa waaaaa waaaaaaa poor women

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

    Might have been better titled, “Awful things gay men have to deal with that straight men don't,” – with a few changes of course.

    Not hating when I say this, but here are a few notes [didn't bother reading previous comments to see if these have been mentioned]:

    *Inconsistency – how you can hate being catcalled, yet hate being called fat and ugly by the media. An audience is an audience regardless of publicity amounts. The lumping of the words 'fat' and 'ugly' can be taken the wrong way and kind of irks me. You should know what to expect when you flaunt your stuff – your target audience is men, and [with occasionally few exceptions] there is no known middle ground. Not that I've picked up on anyhow.

    *I think number 3 stems from reasoning behind number 2 on your list. The problem is that you're subconsciously inheriting these media-enforced rules of attractiveness and insinuating that all people everywhere find these same qualities attractive, which couldn't be further from the truth. The media's shallow depths make me hurl. In fact, throughout the article, you frequently employ media references in an attempt to validate your arguments, but all they're doing is exposing the overly insecure, shallow nature of the stereotypical, modern-day woman/gay man… but who am I to judge.

    jmho

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

      This, coming from a gay man.

      • Ryan O'Connell

        um…….

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        yeah im gay. lol

    • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

      Well, as a person who hates getting catcalls and hates being called fat and ugly by the media…

      First of all, do you think that catcalls are supposed to be taken as compliments? I'm confused. I don't know one woman who enjoys being degraded in such a way. Not one. I'm not saying that she doesn't exist somewhere, but I have yet to meet her. And who likes being told that they are fat and ugly?

      Also, you say that men are our “target audience.” WHAT? Excuse me, but when I go to the grocery store, or, God forbid, I leave the house for work, I'm not looking for an audience. Seriously, I don't want an audience. I just want to go about my business just like any other man is allowed.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        why do u hate being called fat and ugly by the media?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        As for the target audience, I was directing that to the author should he be wearing sexually provocative clothing.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        I would try and explain this, but I have a feeling you don't care anyway. How else can you explain your lack of knowledge in this area?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        Please explain how something you find 'degrading' can not possibly be interpreted in ANY OTHER WAY by anyone else on Earth. Please explain why it is you bother yourself with the opinions of the masses when it is these very opinions that are driving society to its future [and possibly current] hellhole. Contrary to your assumption, I'm VERY, VERY interested in what you'd have to say and would much rather read your opinion on this subject rather than having you ridicule me on my supposed 'lack of knowledge.'

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        I get irritated with the media judging the way that women look because this effects future generations. Kids shape their worldview on what they see in the media, and this helps create, or at least promote, a never ending cycle of sexism.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        It's ultimately the responsibility of the supervisors of these newer generations to help 'clear the air.' I was very fortunate to have parents who taught me to generate and appreciate my own opinions and not have them based on something as trivial as the media perception of physique. There are far more important things going on that generate this perpetual cycle of sexism – and it's coming from both sides of the gender pool at an equal rate.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        So we will stop sexism by making good parents appear… by what? Magic? The media plays a big role in our society whether we like it or not. Don't forget that there are a lot of good parent/s that work several jobs and barely get to see their kids.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        Please don't give me the job excuse. If they truly cared whether or not their children were being brought up 'appropriately,' they would sacrifice the time and money to make sure it happened. The media plays a big role in society because the weak, easily-influenced people allow it to play that role. I tune it out and will teach my children the benefits of going not necessarily against the grain, but along your own grain.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        Okay, I give up. I've reached the conclusion that you are only here to argue. This last comment is so obnoxious, honestly, I don't think you could be out of your teen years yet. That or, you must come from an upper middle class home and have never experienced poverty. It's like you think you have the answer to everything. You must be a kid. I remember when I thought I knew everything. I'm unsubscribing now.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        I'm almost 30 years old. My parents COMBINED grossed less than 30,000 dollars a year throughout my 18 years of living with them. They worked their butts off for what they have. We strived for mediocrity with regards to income. It seems to me like you're just looking for some kind of shortcoming [entirely your opinion of one] in my background to discredit my claims, but these things you claim, as false as they are, are totally irrelevant of the topic at hand. I don't recall ever judging you…

        I'm not here to argue – just defend what I see as obvious. If you don't like my replies, just say you don't agree with it and say why. Don't pass judgment on me – that's a little more childish than having a disagreement with someone imho. Nice talking to you. :)

      • http://twitter.com/dianasof Diana Z.

        How many critical articles have you read in which sexual harassment and catcalling is seen as a good thing and an asset to the future of our society? I can't think of any. You keep insisting that Amber shouldn't generalize because she's making broad assumptions, but you haven't provided one solid example of a woman (or man) who has said, in no uncertain terms: I like to be followed down the street, I like to have rude things yelled at me when I'm walking down the street, or I like to have my junk grabbed by a perfect stranger in public transit?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        Why would I care to read a critical article whose claim is no more objective than anyone posting on here? I have plenty of such examples but I'd rather save my words. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but if I were to provide an example, then based on the definition of sexism these posters have provided and how the contrapositive of said definition doesn't apply to society, I would assume it would be thrown out as either a very rare exception or a lie [which truth be told it is not]. My words apparently hold no merit to anyone posting on here.

        Also – I don't necessarily like this behavior of sexually aggressive people feasting on innocent bystandards and in no way would I condone this type of sexually suggestive behavior from my children, but people have different likes and what not – who are we to judge?

      • http://www.fastfoodies.org Briana

        If you'd rather save your words, then save your words.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        I did. If you didn't notice, I didn't care to use one of my many examples. So bitter.

      • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

        “As far as cat calls, you must not know many women, and labeling an act as 'degrading' is very subjective.”

        Here's the thing. Yelling obscene and rude comments to women, in some cases following them down the street and even sometimes escalating to physical intimidation or harassment is not generally something that women like. Sorry, that's just a fact. I am a woman, I have plenty of friends that are women, and not one of them has ever said, “Gee, I really love having random strangers make extremely obscene comments on my body in a public setting.”

        Many women will laugh, giggle, or not vocally object because they're supremely uncomfortable, or because they're afraid of provoking someone into a physical attack. Not lashing out or instantly correcting someone does not equate approval or enjoyment.

        Do some women like being talked to in such a matter? Maybe. I'm not silly enough to make a sweeping generalization about all women and say that everyone hates it. But as a woman, I can tell you that sexual harassment is not considered enjoyable by a pretty large majority of women.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        “Yelling obscene and rude comments to women, in some cases following them down the street and even sometimes escalating to physical intimidation or harassment is not generally something that women like. Sorry, that's just a fact. “

        How can you label something filled with so much subjectivity fact?

      • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

        Are you actually trying to tell me that there are a significant number of women in this country who enjoy being verbally and physically harassed walking down the street? Seriously?

        It seems like you're selectively reading my responses. If you read carefully, you'll notice I also said the following at the end of my comment:

        “Do some women like being talked to in such a matter? Maybe. I'm not silly enough to make a sweeping generalization about all women and say that everyone hates it. But as a woman, I can tell you that sexual harassment is not considered enjoyable by a pretty large majority of women.”

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        “Are you actually trying to tell me that there are a significant number of women in this country who enjoy being verbally and physically harassed walking down the street? Seriously? “

        Yes, I am. Just like there are a significant number of men in this country who enjoy the same harassment.

        “Do some women like being talked to in such a matter? Maybe. I'm not silly enough to make a sweeping generalization about all women and say that everyone hates it. But as a woman, I can tell you that sexual harassment is not considered enjoyable by a pretty large majority of women.”

        What gives you the right to speak for all women? Why fool yourself in believing that the majority of women agree with you? WHO ARE YOU? LOL HONESTLY? Your opinions hold no more merit than mine, which is why I choose not to express them.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        BTW – No one here selected to address this [selective reading I guess], but I'm interested in reading what you [and anyone else] have to say about this part of my OP:

        “I think number 3 stems from reasoning behind number 2 on your list. The problem is that you're subconsciously inheriting these media-enforced rules of attractiveness and insinuating that all people everywhere find these same qualities attractive, which couldn't be further from the truth. The media's shallow depths make me hurl. In fact, throughout the article, you frequently employ media references in an attempt to validate your arguments, but all they're doing is exposing the overly insecure, shallow nature of the stereotypical, modern-day woman/gay man… but who am I to judge. “

    • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

      This attitude — that women who dress a certain way deserve to have obscene things yelled at them because of the way that they're dressed — is exactly what perpetuates such behavior. There is a difference between admiring someone and getting cat calls. Telling someone they are beautiful is much different than yelling dirty things.

      Also, one thing that men don't seem to understand or realize at all is that cat calls do not only occur when a woman is marching down the street in high heels and a mini skirt, on her way out for the evening. I've had men yell obscene things at me while I was walking home from school in jeans and a bulky coat. It actually has far less to do with the way a woman looks and much more to do with an aggressive man seeking to actively disrespect a woman.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        “This attitude — that women who dress a certain way deserve to have obscene things yelled at them because of the way that they're dressed — is exactly what perpetuates such behavior.”

        The fact that you insinuate that I'm directing this attitude to women alone is a bigger influence to what perpetuates such behavior. In fact, my original post was entirely directed the the author – a man. I see aggressive women dog-calling with equal frequency.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        “I see aggressive women dog-calling with equal frequency. ”

        Where are you from because I don't believe you, lol. I seriously think you're making this up.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        It happens often and everywhere. Don't drown it out.

      • Jess

        ^Does not answer the question.

      • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

        “You should know what to expect when you flaunt your stuff – your target audience is men, and [with occasionally few exceptions] there is no known middle ground.”

        Then please explain to me what you are trying to say here, because it seems to say that if you dress a certain way, or you try to look attractive, you just gotta deal with it. Boys will be boys.

        Finally, to say that a woman's target audience is men is absolutely ridiculous. Do I dress to attract the opposite sex sometimes? Absolutely. But sometimes, I just want to go about my daily business. My life does not have a “target audience”.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        Umm… yeah? If you walk around town half-naked, what do you expect to happen? It's not common sense, and IT'S NOT JUST A BOYS WILL BE BOYS THING. Applies to girls as well. Quit limiting sexism please. It's annoying and is in itself sexist.

        Finally, the target audience thing – I never 'A WOMAN'S TARGET AUDIENCE IS MEN.' In fact, my OP was directed entirely to the author – a gay male.

      • http://twitter.com/__allyson Allyson

        Also, I would like you to really, really look deep inside yourself and be honest with me — do you really, really believe that frequency and intensity of sexual harassment that men receive from women is even close to the sexual harassment that women receive from men?

        How many times have you seen a group of women physically block a man's path so that they can stop him and harass him? How many times have you seen women grope a man in a public area? How often do you think men walking down the street need to fear for their safety because there is a group of rowdy women in the area? Does it happen? Yes. Do men need to worry about these things happening whenever they leave the house? Generally speaking, no.

        No one is saying that ALL men are like this, nor that all men are to blame. I know a lot of men who would step in and speak up for women. But the majority of this kind of behavior is coming from men. If you believe otherwise, I'm sorry, you simply do not know what you are talking about.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        “Also, I would like you to really, really look deep inside yourself and be honest with me — do you really, really believe that frequency and intensity of sexual harassment that men receive from women is even close to the sexual harassment that women receive from men”

        Yes.

        “How many times have you seen a group of women physically block a man's path so that they can stop him and harass him? How many times have you seen women grope a man in a public area? How often do you think men walking down the street need to fear for their safety because there is a group of rowdy women in the area? Does it happen? Yes. Do men need to worry about these things happening whenever they leave the house? Generally speaking, no.”

        This very attitude is what is promoting this sexism cycle. It's disturbing how you can generally assume that men do not carry with them the same worries as women regarding these issues, but that's just my opinion. Until you begin to regard men in the same manner, sexism will continue – and that is a fact.

        “No one is saying that ALL men are like this, nor that all men are to blame. I know a lot of men who would step in and speak up for women. But the majority of this kind of behavior is coming from men. If you believe otherwise, I'm sorry, you simply do not know what you are talking about. “

        I, for one, am not accusing you of accusing men. I know of a lot of men who would speak up for women [myself included], but would a random woman speak up for a man/me? And I'm sorry, but sexist behavior [be it passive or aggressive] is coming from both genders. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

      • http://twitter.com/RealAmberDawn Amber Dawn

        OMG THANK YOU! Reading these blogs, I'm constantly reminded that things like this, that are common sense to you and I, baffle a lot of men.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        Probably baffle a lot of logically sound men in support of true equality.

      • Lovekraft

        When women get approached by an alpha, they don't think of screaming 'harassment'. It is only when a lowly beta/omega approaches them do they feel insulted because he has declared her actual worth.

    • squanderlust

      “how you can hate being catcalled, yet hate being called fat and ugly by the media.”

      you're joking, right?

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_FQBOL3ZHPHDYFGRD53EVFREV4A El puto

        yeah ur pretty right. I was unclear of the definition. I retract that statement.

  • http://www.behance.net/clifwith1f clifwith1f

    I totally agree with all of this, but let me just note that not ALL men age gracefully. It's actually a rare case for men to look like George Clooney as they age. Most get larger ears and noses, droopy postures, start to smell and develop potbellies. Also, the press laid pretty hard into Brendan Fraser and Val Kimer when they gained weight. Being a celebrity means being scrutinized for every single thing you do. It's the non-glamorous part of the fabulous life, and it's both sexes that have to cope with it.

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