Attending A Stitch ‘n Bitch Party
Knitting has seen a popular resurgence lately among feminists and Belle & Sebastian fans. In a way, dressing like a grandma and acting like a grandma has become the new train wreck. Stitch ‘n bitch parties have been created for knitting enthusiasts who also like to drink wine and have a little girl talk. It paints a very cool image in the mind: A collection of cute girls in thrift store dresses being crafty and discussing lame boys. But it’s actually sort of boring. No matter how cool and chic it is to act like an elderly person, the people who attend stitch ‘n bitch are still pretty young. After the novelty of being D.I.Y. wears off, chances are you’ll be wishing for the type of evening that ends in a D.U.I. It’s best to save the knitting for at home when you’re bored because life’s too short to pretend to be dull.
Flying A Kite or Playing Board Games
Some people are really into activities that are best suited for a five-year-old because it makes them feel young again and is a nice reprieve from their usual drunken sex-filled nights. The only problem is that things have changed. Having a board game night or taking hazy polaroids of you and your friends flying a kite in the park just doesn’t feel as fun as it used to and it’s a major bummer. Granted, it’s a cute thing to tell people. They’ll smile and be like, “Aw, I miss playing Scrabble and doing simple shit like that. Those were the daze.” In practice, however, it’s just a depressing reminder that you can’t recapture the childlike innocence anymore. Charades are still cool though.
Conversely, grown up activities also have the ability to lose their luster. Getting stoned, for example, can be a total bust. You’re bored one night with your friends and someone decides to buy weed, and all of a sudden an excitement will build. “Yay! I’m going to get really high and eat pizza and laugh at everything. I love smoking weed! Because I’m high and altered states are always fun, right?” Getting stoned can be super fun, but it also has the potential to be the biggest letdown. Maybe you’re not with the “right” people, maybe it’s bad weed, or maybe you just go to a really dark place. You accidentally get too high and find yourself curled up in the fetal position thinking you’re going to choke on a wheat thin because your mouth is so dry. The paranoia begins and your glazed eyes start to panic. “I’m, like, too fucking high, you guys.” Meanwhile, your friends just laugh and don’t take you seriously because they feel good. You go to bed believing a wheat thin is lodged in your throat and you’re going to die in your sleep. Yeah, getting stoned can be the worst.
Having sex is amazing 99% of the time. But have you ever had one of those times when you’re chilling with your significant other and there’s nothing to do? You decide to have sex to pass the time because you figure it’s the only thing that’s guaranteed fun, but it actually turns out to be a colossal mistake. It feels too forced so you try to spice it up by saying perverse things to each other which sort of helps. In the end though, you both can’t come and leave the experience feeling defeated rather than bored, which is definitely not an improvement.
Surfing The Internet
The internet can initially seem so exciting. “What can you teach me today, sleekly-designed piece of technology? What hilarious videos and insightful articles could I potentially come across?” After spending a good thirty minutes checking your usual sites though, it runs the possibility of becoming very bleak. You can come across a comment an ex made to your friend on your Facebook news feed and think, “Who the FUCK do they think they are? This person is MY friend. They have no right to develop an online friendship with them!” Seeing the comment then inspires you to look through old posts on your Livejournal. You don’t want to but the history is right there at your fingertips and it’s too difficult to resist. Look! There’s pictures of you looking young, happy and in love. Isn’t that just…the saddest? Maybe you’ll listen to some Interpol now. If you’re ever bored, it’s always best to turn off the computer and eat a cracker instead.