Elle Magazine Gives Hilarious Tips on How to Spend V-Day Single

The progressive feminist thinkers at Ellegirl.com have assuaged the fears of single girls everywhere by offering up some inspiring advice on how to spend Valentine’s Day single. Writing a post each day with a new tip until the dreaded holiday, Ellegirl has already doled out two helpful gems to their depressed readers: treating yourself and taking a road trip with your girlfriends!

Channeling the film Thelma & Louise (minus the whole “getting raped and killing yourself” part), Ellegirl recommends burying your sadness by fleeing the tri-state area and hitting the road with an energetic playlist. By blasting music from Lady Gaga and No Doubt, your sobs will be drowned out and you’ll be forced to get happy. Along the way to your desired location, they recommend visiting a quirky site such as the world’s largest McDonalds in Orlando, Florida. There you can stuff your face with 5,000 calorie fries and magnify your chances of spending the next Valentine’s Day alone.

Their second piece of sage advice is to simply “treat yourself.” In mainstream girl magazine talk, that’s code for stress-eating cupcakes, wearing JC Penney flannel pajamas around your cold empty house, and distracting yourself by buying a ton of crap you don’t need—including shampoo, a hideous dress from Topshop and Marc Jacobs perfume.

See single ladies? You have a friend in Ellegirl. Who needs passionate love when you can have a Big Mac? TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • Phoryze

    Fucking A

  • marc

    Not enough lists.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander
  • Mschultz221

    I like the road trip idea. Stop in at a dusty dive bar. Ride a mechanical bull. Tell your girls about your body image issues and how you'll never get over your ex. Have a
    Cleansing cry. Then go home.

  • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

    pretty sure ellegirl's target age range ends before ladies are old enough to drink. which, i think, means road trips are out of the question… unless daddy's willing to foot the bill.

  • too rude magazine

    i'm in a relationship and will still spend v-day alone, because i think it is a whack ass holiday. peace.

  • 39dmfk4

    stress-eatimg

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

    there is also pressure on boys and men, we have to like do stuff and hope it's well-received.

  • jeez

    never acknowledge this fake-ass holiday

  • EmiliaBedelia

    But Valentine's Day alone means you get to eat all the chocolate yourself! No sharing. THE BEST!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zaid-Elliott/1056775689 Zaid Elliott

    “stress-eating cupcakes” sounds yummy.
    does the stress enhance the flavor?

blog comments powered by Disqus