Dear Gay Dude: I Love Sl*ts
By Thoughtis
Dear Gay Dude,
I have this problem of always dating the wrong girls. Looking back, I can see that they’ve all been the same: Hot, dumb, and willing to do kinky shit in the bedroom. I know this isn’t good, but whenever I meet a girl who’s actually smart and calls me on my bullshit, it’s a major bonerkill for me. It sucks. I want to stop dating retarded slutty girls and date someone of quality, but it’s like my dick won’t let me. How do I change what I’m attracted to?
-I Love Sluts
Dear I Love Sluts,
I can’t tell you how many times my hetero guy friends have complained to me about having this issue. Here’s the deal. Are you familiar with the concept of the Madonna and The Whore? It’s basically the two female archetypes, according to some men. The Madonna is like Jackie O. She’s the woman you want to spread your seed with and have pop out lots of your babies. She’s not sexualized because you respect her too much. She’s your equal, which is so not hot. The Whore, meanwhile, is like Marilyn Monroe. She’s the girl you basically fuck and do naughty things with without feeling guilty about it because you don’t respect her. I mean, how could you respect someone with a ravenous sexual appetite?
So if you haven’t guessed it by now, The Madonna and The Whore concept is totally fucked. It means you’re only capable of seeing women as one-dimensional figures. The fact is that you should be sexually attracted to smart capable women. Why do men lose respect for a woman they sleep with? It’s like they’re instantly tainted or something. Some guys gravitate towards chaste women—the kind of woman they want to marry—because they haven’t been touched by other men. You’re the first to conquer her. Ugh, it’s so barbaric! And don’t get me started on double-standards….
Women are Jackie O. and Marilyn. They want to stick their finger up their ass and talk about Proust (or whatever the fuck you like) afterwards. But you have to let them. Stop compartmentalizing everything. “This is the woman I sleep with. This is the woman I marry.” NO!
Changing is not going to be easy. Unconscious sexism is so deep-rooted and…unconscious. Just start being aware of what you’re doing and why you’re unable to get a boner for a smart girl. Think about what that really means. And then think about it harder. Meet a really smart girl and I challenge you to sleep with her in the best way you see fit. It will still feel good and you’ll even feel better about yourself!
LUV U SO MUCH,
Gay Dude