What Your Favorite Magazine Says About You

If this website has taught you anything, it should be that stereotyping is a fun and useful tool in figuring out what people are actually like! This time around, we’re using people’s favorite magazines as a way to categorize interests and make harmful blanket statements. Enjoy!

Nylon

What It’s About: Fringe! Leopard! Trends! Founded in 1999, Nylon slowly evolved into an alternative lifestyle magazine for youth, giving It Girls Cory Kennedy and Peaches Geldof their own column and featuring EDGY celebrities like Zooey Deschanel and Evan Rachel Wood. It has also branched out into television and formed a record company. It’s basically the one mainstream magazine targeted at hipsters.

What It Says About You: You’re a 17 year old girl who lives in Ohio and you hate things that are cookie-cutter. You write fan letters to Chloe Sevigny and it bums you out that no one, besides your best friend August, knows who Jean-Luc Godard is. Oh, and you kind of want to marry Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Paul Dano.

Vanity Fair

What It’s About: Really insane rich people. Vanity Fair is arguably the thinking man’s Us Weekly. Their premise is sort of the same as a tabloid: write about the lives of crazy rich white people, but Vanity Fair takes it a thousand steps further by featuring in-depth investigative reporting and great interviews. It’s a real treat to read about the trials and tribulations of some weird oil heiress that’s been fighting over her inheritance and sleeping with her stepfather. There’s definitely an inherent snobbiness to the writing and it’s very self-referential. Don’t feel bad if some of it goes over your head because it’s sometimes just a bunch of rich writers masturbating to the glamourous lives of their friends.

What It Says About You: You’re an old WASP who can’t get enough of the Kennedys or conspiracy theories. You went to a college swimming in Ivy and maybe your name is Bunny. When you greet people, you establish a rich lazy drawl, pinch their cheeks and call them “Monkey.”

Lula

What It’s About: Based out of England, Lula is one of those fashion magazines you buy for $20.00 at a bodega in Soho. Sometimes it’s worth it though because reading the magazine can be like being in a weird codeine-induced dream. Every photo is kind of faded and hazy, like it was a discarded gem from The Virgin Suicides movie. Ethereal and dreamy describe the magazine’s aesthetic perfectly. In terms of the fashion print world, they’re also pretty progressive- they’ve put a redhead and a black model on their cover and that’s just something you don’t see every day. My only gripe would be the  interview questions (ex: What do you dream about? What’s your favorite kind of cake?!!!!). It’s clear that they’re trying to keep with the floaty editorial vision by trying  to capture some whimsical rapport but it comes off as inauthentic. Like, who gives a shit about cake?

What It Says About You: You’re a ~dreamer~ who wears $600 potato sack Rodarte dresses, or you want to anyway. You never spend your money on U.S. fashion magazines because they just don’t “get it”; they’re so dull. You like flowery pastel colors and hearts and spend all your time pattern making in your bedroom while listening to Au Revoir Simone.

Details

What It’s About: Men and the materialistic possessions that make their world go round. There will be a lot of articles about the new designer drug, a $10,000 watch and without fail, an article about something going on in gay culture. It’s sort of the gayest straight magazine ever.

What It Says About You: You work on Wall Street and you have a strong Patrick Bateman vibe. Friday nights are usually spent with hookers, cocaine, and maybe a random blowjob from your friend Steve who works in HR. Um, you’re not gay though. No homo.

Butt

What It’s About: Naked gay indie boys who come in all shapes and sizes. The editorial is mostly just transcriptions of conversations with obscure gay icons that will typically go into graphic detail about their sex life. It makes being gay seem really fun and full of sexy possibilities, which I guess it is. Thank gay God for this magazine.

What It Says About You: You’re not a regular gay boy, you’re a cool gay boy. You vacation at The Ace Hotel, listen to Abe Vigoda and Veronica Falls, and try to avoid mainstream gay bars. Sex and drugs are great but you try to keep it classier than the average gay-whatever that means. You are Ryan O’Connell.

Redbook

What It’s About: Menopause and baking. I’ve actually never read this magazine but judging by its covers, I don’t think menopause and baking would be that far off. And yes, you do judge a magazine by its cover.

What It Says About You: You are somebody’s mom and you really like Bethenny Frankel. In fact, you’re actually going to make her recipe for tofu veggie lasagna tonight! That is, if your kids will ever call you back…Where are they?!

Rolling Stone

What It’s About: Bands from the ’70s and Vampire Weekend. Political reporting sandwiched between an expose on Kim Kardashian. Rolling Stone‘s writing is always sharp but their attempts to modernize themselves have been awkward. They still put Bruce Springsteen on the cover six times a year.

What It Says About You: You’re old, or you enjoy great investigative reporting. But you’re probably just old.

Bust

What It’s About: Feminism and being crafty in a non-housewife feminist-y way. They are NOT like that magazine Bitch, okay?!

What It Says About You: You like Best Coast a lot, maybe you went to Hampshire or UC Santa Cruz. You dated guys for a sec but you think those ~daze~ are over. You don’t believe in negativity simply because it’s not nice. You only want to read good reviews and happy interviews. Happppppy. Feminism. Happpppppy. TC mark

longzero

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Ok

    sheesh

    • asshole steve

      no one knows about godard and i have always wanted to marry paul dano, ever since lil miss sunshines. he was everything i wanted to be. i drew a picture of an old man on a sheet and hung it on my wall just like the set designer did with his room except that one was of nietzsche

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ hbgwhem.tumblr.com

    Ohh mine is Vogue though. what's that mean? What's that say about me?
    Mid thirties Jewish girl who wants to get a nose job, move to a farm, grow my own veggies, buy a kid so i can acquire antique furniture for a non functional room and then sew myself some faux michael kors?

    • Ryan O'Connell

      I always like your comments.

      • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ hbgwhem.tumblr.com

        thanks. i like your articles.

  • Wolff Kristy

    Hahahaha. You are ryan. Happppppyyyy. Gayyyy. Happppyyyy.

  • neek

    Bust is a psued0-feminist magazine. I say this because they have fashion spreads featuring the usual models: light, “Happpppyyyyy” and super super thin all wearing size 0's and 2's.

    Also, what BUTT says about you is kind of the best thing ever.

    By the way, my magazine is The Believer. I'm fully aware it means I'm a pretentious nerd.

    • Haley

      I have been subscribed to BUST for the last 3 years and every issue I have received has included models of different body types. Maybe we are reading different magazines…

  • NoahTourjee

    Wait, what does it say about me if my favourite magazine is a laminated collection of your mail I stole from your doorman?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=23806988 facebook-23806988

    Hilarious. I was hoping to see The Economist on here; alas, no. Still funny though.

    • Matt

      The Economist is a “newspaper”. According to the Economist anyway.

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    All of these magazines are the type that are really hard to read because in the middle of stories there are full page advertisements for smealls, that you can rub on yrself.

  • Dg4510a

    No Esquire? Shit. I always read Esquire.

  • BOB

    Great article EXCEPT FOR THE HOMOPHOBIA

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle
  • http://copaceticusa.tumblr.com/ falkjd

    No New Yorker

  • A.

    The Nylon description is dead on. DEAD. ON.

  • samready

    So what does Nylon Guys say about me?

    I'm a stereotypical Nylon type girl only I'm a boy and gay.

  • http://twitter.com/bsdf BEN ENGLISCH

    R.I.P. Wizard MAgazine

  • Sleek825

    WHAT ABOUT COSMOPOLITAN!?!? ..snob. -_-

  • Misty

    I read Vanity Fair, but only for the editorials…and I’m a young black college woman!

  • nina

    Rolling Stones is for people who like music. I’m 20 and read it whenever I have the chance.

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