An Inside Look At The Making Of Snooki’s Debut Novel

In between filming seasons of Jersey Shore, tweeting and getting arrested simply for being her annoying self, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has written a novel called Fourth Wave Feminism & Me! Oh, wait. It’s actually called A Shore Thing and it tells the story of two girls- Gia/Snooki and her cousin Bella-who are hanging out in this unfamiliar place called Seaside Heights for the summer. When asked about the creative process, Snooki told reporters that the book was written over the course of two dreary nights in a Seaside Heights mansion with her ghostwriter, Valerie Frankel. Snooki explained how the work was divided up:

I was in my Snuggie and there was like a roaring fire. I made the book agent people bring in this old school typewriter to work on because they just look so awesome. At first, they told me they couldn’t because it would mean a lot more work for the writer but I didn’t care because I wasn’t writing the stupid thing. So then I told Valerie stories about my life and she would type it on the typewriter. Oh my god, it would make the cutest sound when she did it! “CCH-CHH-CHH!” Isn’t that the sound they make? Anyways, if Valerie wasn’t working fast enough, I would throw crackers at head.

When asked to confirm if Snooki did, in fact, throw crackers at her head, Valerie bowed her head and whispered, “Yes.” She was wearing black sunglasses and her frazzled hair obscured her face. Whenever Snooki would speak, Valerie’s body would startle and her teeth would chatter. She seemed to be suffering from a new form of PTSD-Post-Traumatic Snooki Syndrome. At one point during the press conference, Snooki blew a bubble with her gum and it splattered all over Valerie’s face. Snooki started to laugh obnoxiously and Valerie shed one single tear.

Anyways, the book sucks. It’s basically like reading a transcript of a Jersey Shore episode which is about as fun as…something that’s not fun. It’s out now. Don’t buy it. Please don’t give Snooki anymore money. I don’t ask for much. Just give me this. TC mark

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Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    lol

  • http://twitter.com/brunodion Bruno Dion

    Let's have a minute of silence for the trees that died in the making of that books.

    If only you could have been used for something better…
    *sheds a single tear*

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Totally would hit that though, right?

  • Elie Wiesel

    Saw Valerie Frankel. Thought it read: “Victor Frankel.” Thought non-ironically, “good match.”

  • samready

    This makes me sad and jealous. :(

  • Cya

    I used to work at Borders before it closed down. This book was always on our shelves, and when I say that, I mean that it was the same copy. NO ONE wanted it. NO ONE.

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