Who watches The Grammys? No, really. I want to know. I’m curious because I can’t remember a time when the nominations were announced that I thought, “Cool. This is relevant.” Perhaps my head has been in the Pitchfork microwave for too long but this year’s nominations left me feeling similarly underwhelmed. You be the judge. The Album of the Year nominations are as follows:
He’s always been a critic’s darling so this comes as no surprise. Even though he’s a gifted rapper, I don’t actually listen to Eminem because he scares me. I don’t care if he gave Elton John a BJ on live television, his lyrics are still aggressive towards my people.
Lady Gaga – The Fame Monster
The Fame Monster by Lady Gaga: Um, never heard of this one. It must be the Grammys obligatory indie artist. Just kidding, everybody. Geez, calm down. Lady Gaga will probably sweep the Grammys this year. That’s right, you heard it here first. Lady Gaga, classic underdog, will win awards.
Katy Perry – Teenage Dream
Actually, this album is super fun to listen to if you’re gay, want to be gay or wasted. There are an abundance of fun party jams about getting drunk, making out with people and being super sexy. That being said, I’m not sure how the album will translate to the voters who are well past their time of being a teenage dream.
Lady Antebellum – “Need You Now”
I’ve actually never heard of this one. I’m being serious. Is she a big deal? Now I’m feeling weird.
Arcade Fire – The Suburbs (1995)
Arcade Fire’s career is becoming very similar to Radiohead’s. They’ve both taken their indie arena rock and won over the hearts of the mainstream. This might have something to do with the fact that they’re both insanely talented bands.
There are 119 other categories but they’re essentially the same thing: Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Eminem and maybe sometimes Sade.