If you’re like me and you’re not a huge basketball or sports fan in general, March Madness really doesn’t mean anything to you. It’s just another time of the year where people scream at the television and root for their favorite teams. However, you will inevitably be asked about your bracket, who your favorite team is and what you’re doing for the game tonight. In order words, prepare for “sports talk.”
Fortunately, I’ve come up with 10 rapid-fire responses for questions you might have to face these next few days.
1. Who’s your favorite team?
The default answer is your hometown or whatever college you went to. If you didn’t go to college, the default is the nearest school from your house. If you say a school, like one you made up like the Illinois Slammer Hammers, and they aren’t playing in March Madness and the person calls you out on it, reply with “they had a team when I was there.” Then, with eyes wide open, slowly creep back into the shadows.
2. How many points you got on the spread?
Before you get caught up rambling numbers that you can’t back up immediately remove yourself from the conversation. The best way to do that is by
3. You want in on this bracket/pool?
If you’re in an office setting or pretty much any setting where people are gathered around, you’re going to be asked this question. The default answer is “Sorry, I left my wallet/purse at home.” If you don’t have money, you’ll be left alone immediately. In fact, there’s a good chance that as soon as you say the word “sorry” they’ll already be in front of someone else asking for cash. If they ask again tell them you’re going through a battle with the IRS right now and you’re going to have to sit this one out.
4. Who you got winning this year?
The default answer is, “the underdog.” Before you have to explain yourself, the person will fill in the blank for you who that team actually is. The formulaic response will be something like
Oh come on! You serious!? You really think (__SPORTS TEAM_______) is going to win it this year?
You’ll reply, “That’s right” and then, with eyes wide open, slowly walk backwards into the elevator.
5. You see the game last night?
The default answer is, “NO! Damn cable went out! Fucking Comcast!” Nobody is going to question you about that one because everybody hates Comcast.