21 Reasons I Stopped Drinking

Before I go into this list, let me preface, I don’t drink anymore. As you start reading this, it’ll become clearly apparent why. I’m actually 3 years sober now. However, back in the day, I was a nonsensical, slur your words, and fall down, “oh boy here we go” drunk. Luckily, I’m sober now and I won’t ever be having a drink again. In my college days, though, I raised quite a bit of hell. Here are 21 things I did or ultimately, 21 reasons why I stopped drinking.
Flickr.com / L. Haywood
Flickr.com / L. Haywood

1. I fell asleep standing straight up against the wall of an iHOP bathroom. When the manager came in and asked me what I was doing, I said, “What’s it look like? I’m waiting in line for the bathroom.”

2. I got in a huge argument with a bunch of guys in Affliction shirts where drinks were thrown and shirt grabbing broke out. While hurling insults at each other we realized we had common interests regarding drinks we liked and then hung out the rest of the night.

3. I was thrown out of a frat house for insulting the President of the frat and the turkey sandwich that he was eating. Something along the lines of “oh you think you’re so cool with that turkey sandwich don’t you?” In the process of being carried out by 3 guys I continuously yelled, “This isn’t my first rodeo!” They threw me onto the front lawn where I continued my diatribe.

4. I was denied access into a frat house for walking on the grass. In my fit of rage, I stomped and then danced on the grass kicking it up while shouting, “Check this out” until a group of frat brothers chased me away from the house.

5. I called my grandparents to pick me up and then they drove 2.5 hours to come and get me but couldn’t get into the building because I’d passed out. They stood outside for 1 hour until someone let them in where they found me laying under my bed.

6. I was thrown of the dorms for waking everyone up yelling at 4am. Coincidentally it was because someone smashed my hand in the door and severed my fingers, which were bleeding profusely, but the administration didn’t care about any of that. They were more focused on the fact I called the RA a piece of garbage.

7. I was carded by an undercover police officer and asked if I was underage at the bar the day after I turned 21. When he saw I was of age, he said “you’re lucky kid.” I laughed and told him, “I know, you should have been here yesterday.”

8. I went to the ‘late night’ lunch area to get food and, while somebody was stocking the fridge, I asked, “Are the milks cold?”

9. I got up to start drinking at 8am to take part in the annual ‘Unofficial St. Patrick’s Day’ event only to be dead asleep 2 hours later.

10. I punched a giant Frankenstein Halloween decoration because I got scared of it. I thought it was a legitimate monster at the time.

11. I got in a fight after I pushed someone for calling me “Frodo.” I then went to tackle his legs, which led him to literally just punch my ass. The police quickly pulled up, the guy ran off, and I just sat there holding my ass saying, “he punched my ass, go get him” while they laughed. They told me to go home and that I’d been through enough.

12. I was escorted out of the bar and into a police caravan with 3 other underage kids where I sat for 25 minutes. I only went to see where everyone was going. I showed them my ID proving that I was 21 and then the cops starting laughing as one of them said, “Why were you even in here?”

13. I went through the whole process of signing up for a frat one night when I walked into a frat house hammered. I signed some paperwork and they gave me a congratulatory King Cobra 40. The rest of the year I got emails every week about duties and dinners I was supposed to be at that I never replied to.

14. I was stopped for stumbling home drunk by the police. I told one of the police officer’s he looked like George Costanza, which led his partner to start laughing hysterically. He then told me to go home and told his partner, “See I’m not the only one who thinks you look like George Costanza.”

15. I laid on a frat house lawn for a good 1-2 hours yelling, “Where’s my phone?” My phone was in my pocket.

16. I was thrown out a restaurant for demanding chicken tenders one night around 2am that I had just ordered. They refused to give them to me because I didn’t have a receipt but they didn’t give me a receipt in the first place. I then stood outside shouting, “I want my tenders now!” until they chased me away from the building.

17. I fell walking home.

18. I fell down a hill.

19. I fell down the stairs.

20. I fell down an embankment for a garage.

21. I fell into bed. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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