Date a guy who claims all girls are crazy.
Because chances are, he hasn’t given up and has the patience to love again. Date a guy who has run away mid-argument with his past lover, screaming at her to acknowledge him, but fighting to keep his temper from consuming him. Date a guy who’s been heartbroken, stripped of all his ego and pride, and naked at the face of rejection. Because you’ll want to date a guy who knows how to love, without the painful adolescence and severe naiveté that separates men from boys. He’s shown his worst, and that’s why he will see the best in you.
Understand his impulsive desires for freedom and the transient moments of frustration, but deep down, he’ll just be happy if you have him in your heart. Date a guy who has the wit to say what you need to hear — maybe not a pathological sweet talker but has the experience to find and define the ways in which your mind speaks. He’ll engage you, not with a Tiffany’s diamond ring or rose-covered bed sheets, but by tracing your thoughts from your head to your two feet. He’ll make all your problems obsolete, because he’ll understand and repeat. That’s his unadulterated vow.
Date a guy who is a man of his word, because his actions will follow. Talk is cheap and pictures are worth 1,000 words, but integrity is priceless. He won’t give up easily, and he won’t see you from only his perspective — he’ll give in more, let you in more, and he’ll be more. And at times, it’ll seem like he’s just like any other guy you’ve been with, but probably not, because he’ll withhold his judgments about you, too. Like why you got that embarrassing tattoo of a horseshoe on you or all your unresolved daddy issues that you lived through. But, bless you. There’s just so much for him to show you, like a new color of the rainbow or how you never noticed the figure-8’s you make with your toes when you’re nervous.
Just ask and he’ll give you the world — his world. He won’t expect you to turn off Sex and the City for the Lakers game, be comfortable in sweats without makeup, or even for you to be his last romance, just yet. But know this: as you’re lying and you’re crying, while confiding in him how hard you had it in life, wondering if anyone can hold you down long enough to be a wife, he’ll listen and catch every tear drop. Date a guy who understands your past, but won’t let it affect the present, while he dreams about his future with you. It would do, just for now.
Date a guy who shows you a little vulnerability, because you know it takes a lot of strength to be the shoulder you can lean on and the arms that embrace you whenever, wherever. And don’t sulk in your insecurities when you catch his eyes drifting toward another woman longer than you’d like. Just to make you feel better, he’ll even publicly yell, “Troll! In the dungeons,” in his best Harry Potter impersonation. For him to let anyone close enough to share one molecule of space and breath… well, you’ll get it, later, but probably not soon enough.
Date a guy who says he’ll try and because he’ll always make room for effort and growth. He’ll love you. And you’ll just know that it’s something words can’t describe and actions insufficient alone to express. And whether or not you fall in love with him, or for however long amount of time — it’ll be okay, too. Because, he’ll thank you for the opportunity to be a man — someone’s man. Just remember to take your stilettos off when you walk away. He’ll probably always be thankful of the time you stayed.
But, you’ll never date a guy like that.
You tell your friends he’s like a brother to you and someone who’ll make another girl very happy. You always tell him someone out there will be lucky to have him, just not you. When that asshole dumped you, you even had the audacity to say, “Why can’t more men be like you?” You see, while you have forsaken his hopelessly romantic gestures for benign acts of kindred intimacy, you abandoned him and confined him to that dreaded black hole. Once he falls in, he’ll probably never get out. You’re the cruel light at the end of the tunnel, tantalizing him and resuscitating him with false hope of salvation. And while he’s trying not to drown in unreciprocated emotions, you rain down on him like a hurricane. He’s suffocating and slowly his heart will stop beating. For you.
Welcome to the friend zone.
So, here’s to my fallen brothers who have and are all the above. You are everything they could ever ask for, but remain at most shadows. As puppets of an existentialist world, you’re always there, but never completely wholesome. Even though she’s your priority, and you’re just an option, you think, “Well, at least I’m still her option.” Because you bite your tongue and painfully swallow heartfelt confessions from ever crossing your lips, this one’s for you. Cheers to the victims of fatal attractions or lack thereof. Maybe they’ll take another few years of failed relationships and being broken beyond repair, but you’ll be there in the end to put the pieces back together, filling the spaces in between with gold. You’ve somehow become certified masters of the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Here’s a final toast to the soldiers fighting an unwinnable war. The phrase “love is a battlefield” couldn’t be more relevant. You’ll always be remembered for the days you spent in the trenches, but you’ll never get the glory or a Medal of Honor. Clothes torn, bones broken, blood smeared from the casualties of war, you’ll survive, though. Oh, you will survive. And for your efforts, salud. We’ve all been there.
Date a guy who claims all girls are crazy, because let’s face it, that kind of guy might be crazy for you.