There’s this saying I’ve heard that goes, “To get over someone, you get under someone else!” As I approach the tender age of 40, I’m left to wonder: Does this still apply to the older folks?
As a male who connects with others on a very deep level, I always laugh when I hear these words tossed around. Outwardly I’m grinning, but inwardly I’m saying, “This can’t be the way.” I’ve had my share of drunk escapades in the past, but the older I got, the less they occured, and if they did, the worse I felt after.
Getting under someone may make you feel better in the moment, but once the high wears off, tell me, how do you really feel?
So here are five ways that I’ve learned to get under yourself:
1. Live in your pain.
Who or why would anyone want to do this? Well, for starters, it’s true what they say, “The only way out is through.” So put down the alcohol, throw away the drugs, delete the dating apps, grab a journal, and enjoy the ride. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to scorch the earth, you won’t want to get out of bed, you’ll be so excited for the future that you can hardly contain yourself. Get ready to feel things you’ve never felt before. Is there a better time to be alive?
2. Get to know yourself.
The thing is, we’ve been conditioned from an early age on who to be, what to wear, what to say, where to work. With so much noise in the world, it’s no wonder why so many of us feel lost at times.
So where do we start? By silencing that noise and feeling from within. There’s a reason you hate that job, feel stuck in that relationship, and are so down on life. Identify your core values. Step into the things that make your heart beat and drive your soul to sing. Be brave and ask yourself, Is this really who I am?
3. Be kind to yourself.
Get outdoors, drink some water, eat a healthy meal, surround yourself with people who lift you up, soak in the sun, go to bed early, get up early, play with puppies, create some art, read a book, or listen to your favorite tunes. When the time finally arrives to eat a bag of doritos, scoop down a pint of ice cream, or lay on the floor in a pile of tears, just understand that it’s all part of the human experience. You are a living and feeling being, after all, and the only way to build yourself up is to allow yourself to be broken down.
4. Disrupt your patterns.
Are you always running? Are you always chasing? Do you have a tendency to hold on to relationships for too long? Do you always sacrifice your needs for another? Do you always go against your intuition? Do you stay silent just to appease? Do you shut down? Do you go on a verbal attack? Catch yourself acting out an old pattern and finally make a conscious decision to choose differently. This takes a lot of patience and a lot of practice. In fact, you’ll most likely revert back to old habits and ways at times, but finally being aware of your patterns is a major win.
5. Be grateful for it all.
Be grateful for every person that has crossed your path.The only reason you’re here today is because of them. All your hurt, all your tears, all your angst has created the person you are right now. Question is, are you willing to step into your newfound power or continue to let the ghosts of your past haunt you?
So the next time someone tells you the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, politely smile and without shame tell them, “It’s just not my way!”